The raw terribleness of Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis' Musk-based presidential campaign announcement will be the stuff of several more news cycles, and that's a crying shame because it's already threatening to overshadow the raw terribleness that is Ron DeSantis, the human being. The man could have launched fireworks from his armpits while single-handedly playing every instrument in the New York Philharmonic Orchestra in a self-conducted version of Tchaikovsky's “1812 Overture” during his "announcement" speech, and it still wouldn't have covered up the stink of DeSantis being obliged to keep talking after the announcement was over.
The man is very bad at this, and if his Musk-hosted campaign announcement on Twitter had gone off without a hitch it would only mean that today's top DeSantis story would be his truly embarrassing performance on Fox News afterward. Fox tried so very hard to prop him up. So very hard. They even brought in Trey Gowdy as DeSantis' interviewer, just to make sure DeSantis had an actual former Republican elected official to fluff him rather than anyone who might make an attempt at journalism.
So how did it go? Oh, so very badly. It was like watching Dan Quayle trying to fold a fitted sheet.
The problem with DeSantis is that he has exactly one trick, and he will never have any other. He is a gimmick candidate. He finds a gimmick, and once he finds one all further thought leaves his brain as he asserts the gimmick as the answer to all of America's problems.
DeSantis thinks he can win the presidency by ranting about "woke" Americans, and that means no matter what question you pose to him you aren't going to get anything back but the robotic assertion that Woke is the real problem here.
How would you address the war in Ukraine, Ron? "Oh, I'd talk about gender ideology, that'll fix it right up."
You can't make fun of that, because Ron DeSantis is self-satirizing. He's already the punchline to every joke. Ah, yes, gender ideology. If we un-ideology the genders, that will surely stabilize the situation in and around Bakhmut. I am serious political person.
Like everything else about DeSantis, this is a borrowed opinion he latched on to in an attempt to pretend he has opinions of his own. It's a rip-off of the Ted Cruz from almost exactly two years ago:
Since the day Cruz tweeted that, of course, the virile and masculine Russian army has been getting its ass kicked by a Ukrainian army that includes many, many women and is using techniques learned from our "woke, emasculated" army to shred Russian attackers who can’t coordinate any military operation that uses more vehicles than can be found in your average Denny’s parking lot.
Nonetheless, conservatives have continued to claim that our army is suffering from an intense deficit of grunting neanderthalism, with the far-right Heritage Foundation and Republican lawmakers alike insisting that it is a new national crisis based solely on their own say-so. "Our military is in crisis" has been a go-to Republican talking point since the days of Ronald Reagan and during every campaign thereafter. DeSantis couldn't be bothered to even look up the past versions, and why would he when he can just burp out "woke" and expect the decaying husks of the Republican base to twitch in vague approval?
Honestly, even this may be giving DeSantis far too much credit. We can claim that DeSantis is riffing off an antique Republican talking point wrapped up in new "woke" language, but there's no evidence he ever thought that hard about it.
How can you be caught so unprepared about anything?
How is that a real sentence to come from anybody's mouth?
Sure, the solution to the Ukraine war is to get "politicization" out of the U.S. Army. The solution to climate change is that it's "politicization" to mention it. It's "politicization" for an LGBT child to exist in Florida public schools. It's "politicization" if a Florida university professor publishes a dataset that someone else uses to prove DeSantis is full of shit. It's all woke, all the way down, just the wokiest woke ever, and only this weasel-backed professional doppelgänger can sort it all out.
This man is so not ready for this. This is Scott Walker levels of not ready. You cannot one-trick-pony yourself through an entire campaign cycle. Ron DeSantis is an automaton constructed for the sole purpose of boring us all to death.
Worst. Children's book. Ever.
If you are wondering what DeSantis supporters think his Ukraine war answer ought to have been, fear not. They had to haul up Musk pal David Sacks to explain what DeSantis would have said had the hydraulics not crapped out at the most inopportune moment.
The answer, then, is that DeSantis' stance on the Ukraine war is whatever stance it will take to get Fox News conspiracy host Laura Ingraham to stop talking about it. Since Fox News and Republicans have settled into a pro-Russia stance that would see Ukraine divided up and Russian kleptocrat Vladimir Putin rewarded with whatever territory the party can give him, that's DeSantis’ stance now, too.
Well, that and "gender ideology" running rampant. God, it would be lovely to see DeSantis explain his theories of wokeness and gender to a Ukrainian woman holding a rocket launcher. The man needs to get himself and a camera to Ukraine, stat.
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