Time to Update the DK Ukraine Relief Tote Board
It’s been a few weeks since we checked in on the fund set up to help a quartet of relief agencies in Ukraine. As Zelenskyy’s military forces continue holding their own against Putin’s goons (the loss of a $300 million spy plane being the latest embarrassment for the gaunt and frail dictator), Russian missile attacks on civilian centers still necessitate the ongoing need for basic survival essentials—food, medical care, housing, education, financial aid, and animal rescue resources. So far you’ve helped raise...
$3,597,291.21
...and that ain’t chump change. If you'd like to support the four chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, Razom for Ukraine, and the International Fund for Animal Welfare—click here and ActBlue will help you take care of the rest. Thanks for your ongoing support in helping the Ukrainians fulfill their mission to humiliate the big dumb bully to the east while saving their country. It’s a slog, but they’re succeeding.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 16, 2024
Note: Please remember to add C&J to your will. Quickly, please, as I’m sending the hitman over around three’ish.
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By the Numbers:
5 days!!!
Days 'til President Biden’s State of the Union address: 51
Days 'til the 62nd National Sweetpotato Convention in New Orleans: 5
Number of basic types of sweet potatoes there are: 5
Percent chance that the U.S. murder rate surged in 2020 under President Trump at the fastest level since national records started being kept in 1960, and dropped in 2023 under President Biden at the fastest rate (-12%) since records started being kept in 1960: 100%
Number of states (including Maine) where general contractors don’t have to be licensed: 15
Date on which McDonald's is bringing back the Double Big Mac: 1/24/24
Calories in a Double Big Mac: 767
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Puppy Bowl XX preview…
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JEERS to a pointless exercise. The Iowa caucuses were held last night, and I know you're sitting on corn dogs and needles waiting to hear the results. Here at the C&J Elections desk, we've got you covered. So here are the results:
The results are exactly what you expected.
It was very cold.
For more, check out the AP's coverage. Unlike my summary, theirs won't be what you expected. Because they know that's just what you'll be expecting.
CHEERS to the warchestiest war chest in all of Warchestdom. One thing President Biden won’t have to worry about as he seeks reelection is money. I guess when the opposition party's signature agenda item is establishing a Fourth Reich, people have a tendency to open their wallets and say,"Nein! Nicht in meine bachyard!"
President Joe Biden raised more than$97 million for his presidential campaign and the Democratic Party in the fourth fundraising quarter last year as he readies a sizable campaign war chest to face off against a Republican opponent in November.
Dark Brandon’s got mojo.
Biden’s reelection campaign, along with the Democratic Party, ended the year with $117 million, which the campaign notes is the highest cash-on-hand figure for any Democratic candidate at this point in the cycle. […]
“This historic haul—proudly powered by strong and growing grassroots enthusiasm—sends a clear message: The Team Biden-Harris coalition knows the stakes of this election and is ready to win this November,” said campaign manager Julie Chavez Rodriguez.
The Biden-Harris campaign also unveiled their winning bumper-sticker slogan for 2024: "Rick 'em, rack 'em, rock 'em, ruck 'em, get that ball and really prevent 'em from installing Hitler 2.0." And in related news: we're gonna need a longer bumper.
CHEERS to the war hawks’ terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Eight years ago—Saturday, January 16, 2016—one of the (many) significant events in Barack Obama’s presidency was etched onto the wall of history. It started when the White House announced that five American detainees, including Washington Post journalist Jason Rezaian, had been freed from Iranian prisons in exchange for a handful of Iranians we were detaining at the Hoboken Club Med (for violating the two-beach-towels-per-person-per-day rule). But that was just the warm-up act for this:
On January 16, 2016, the International Atomic Energy Agency verified that Iran has completed the necessary steps under the Iran deal that will ensure Iran's nuclear program is and remains exclusively peaceful.
Obama announces the nuclear deal with Iran.
Before this agreement, Iran's breakout time---or the time it would have taken for Iran to gather enough fissile material to build a weapon---was only two to three months. Today, because of the Iran deal, it would take Iran 12 months or more. And with the unprecedented monitoring and access this deal puts in place, if Iran tries, we will know and sanctions will snap back into place.
I remember it well: the American people were happy, the Iranian people were happy (they even lowered their catchphrase from "Death to America" to "slightly swollen ankles to the upper Midwest"), and all the other nations involved in the pact—China, France, Germany, Russia, the UK, and the rest of the 28 EU states—were happy. But not Donald Trump. Drawing on his fine command of absolutely nothing related to foreign policy, he just had to pull out because diplomacy bad, bombs good. To be fair, though, it's what the coal miners wanted.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to strange new old worlds. The fully armed and operational battle station known as the James Webb space telescope continues dazzling we wee parasites here on this insignificant plastic-encrusted ball of magma. The latest discovery, an exoplanet ("any planet that is outside of our solar system") has me already packin' my asbestos-lined bags:
NASA'S James Webb Space Telescope observed a planet outside of our solar system that might be able to support life. Webb discovered the presence of methane and carbon dioxide on the exoplanet K2-18 b, which is 8.6 times the size of Earth. This indicates K2-18 b could be a Hycean exoplanet.
The detail coming back from the Webb telescope’s pics is amazing.
K2-18 b is in the habitable zone, which means its distance from a star may allow water to exist on its surface. These zones are also known as "Goldilocks zones," taking their name from the old children's story because conditions are "just right" for life.
Not only did the planet show an abundance of methane and carbon dioxide, but also a shortage of ammonia. This means an ocean may exist under K2-18 b's hydrogen-rich atmosphere, according to NASA.
If you'd like to join me and my merry band of Nigerian finance ministers in our daring flying saucer escape to this galactic Shangri-La, deposit $5,000,000 in my bank account and wait for the glowing green tractor beam to hover over your house. With our cruise control set at the maximum allowable 65 mph, the trip to K2-18 b will take us about a billion years, so bring some snacks and a personal cryogenic tank. Add $50 for each carry-on.
CHEERS to today's edition of Fani Willis Has A Few Choice Words From The Pulpit For Marjorie Taylor Greene. Courtesy of Mediaite:
“Dear God, I do not want to be like those that attacked me. I never want to be a Marjorie Taylor Greene who has never met me but has allowed her spirit to be filled with hate.
How does this woman, who has the honor of being a leader in my state, how is it that she has not reached out to me? She can tell me, ‘I don’t agree with anything you’re doing, but I do not agree with people threatening your life or the life of your family.’ “
This has been today's edition of Fani Willis Has A Few Choice Words From The Pulpit For Marjorie Taylor Greene.
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 16, 2014
JEERS to the sake-fication of America. Heckuva job, right-wingers. While you pinheads were obsessed with your certainty that Obama was going to "take away yer guns," Japan was busy takin' away our Jim Beam. Yes, it's true, they bought the company, so get used to it. The new company, Suntory, says that beyond renaming Maker's Mark "Hello Happy Princess Kentucky Tummy Tickle Drinky Time," they have no plans to change a thing.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to proving the dummy wrong. Fourteen years ago this week I got an URGENT email from some conservative hack who wanted me to know something very important. It's—as most of these conspiratorial screeds are—very long, but here's the Crazy Cliffs Notes version. Being a fan of alliteration, the first sentence gave me goosebumps:
The discredited, democrat funded 'Daily Kos' web site continues with it's daily doctored, dishonest, democrat funded pro-Obama polling numbers. Today's doctored poll shows Obama's approval numbers a full EIGHT points higher than the average of all the respected, neutral, trusted polls and a full TEN points higher than the respected CBS News poll released earlier today.
Let's be clear, Kos is taking money from democrats to doctor opinion polls and the boot-lickers and sycophants that support Kos are afraid to challenge Kos. Remember, dissenting opinion, debate and argument are not allowed on the Kos web site. If you disagree with Kos you are not allowed to post articles on the democrat funded Kos web site so none of the information regarding doctored Kos polls and other Kos lies will ever appear on his web site. Much like the low rated Olbermann program, dissent on the 'DailyKos' is forbidden!
The evidence and history of the phony doctored polls on the democrat funded DailyKos irrefutable and striking, unfortunately the anonymous so-called writers that post stories on Kos are not allowed to criticize him or they'll be banned for life.
And this is where yours truly takes the "democrat funded" risk of a lifetime—as I do every year at this time—by stepping off the ledge and testing the emailer's grand theory. As a Daily Kos "bootlicker" this is difficult, but here goes: Markos, you are a butthead. The rest is in God's hands.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Grog is proclaimed new king of Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool after Bill in Portland Maine abdicates
—ABC News
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