In thinking about what to write about for tonight's open forum I had two choices: 1) my search for the perfect exercise that would delay the progression of my Parkinson's disease, or 2) my experience adopting an older kid through the Colorado child welfare system.
An experience yesterday has convinced me to focus on the latter. A little background. In 1998 I successfully adopted an older girl through the child welfare system. She was 13 at the time she was placed with me. She is now a functioning 40 year old woman, successfully raising four children and caring for her developmentally disabled younger sister. My successful experience with this young woman convinced me to adopt a second child 12 years ago, also an older child who was 11 at the time.
The two experiences could not have been more different. My younger daughter exhibited extremely trying behaviors from the get-go. Spitting. Banging walls. Running. Verbal abuse. Extreme anger. The response from caseworkers was dismissive, with increasing pressure to adopt. Which is when things became especially trying. Because in Colorado, probably similar to many other states, once a child is adopted the only remaining source of help is Medicaid. Which quite frankly given our lack of mental health resources in Colorado is practically useless.
What I also did not know at the time was that I was not alone. 13% of all adoptions in Colorado fail and the overwhelming reason given for this statistic is the child's behavior. What we do know is that children of trauma will act very differently than children who have not been traumatized in their youth. What is lacking in the system is the adequate training and necessary resources to deal with this problem.
In a series of articles exploring this problem in the Colorado Sun, an adoptive mom says:
“Kids are not going to 27 different foster homes because they are just so darn cute,” she said. “Kids are not aging out of the system because they were fabulous and adults just suck. They are aging out of the system because there is literally no support for the adults in their lives to help them and their behaviors are so severe.”
In fact things got so bad that the adoption-specific therapist I was seeing recommended that the next time my daughter was either put on a mental health hold or arrested for behavior problems I refuse to pick her up, thus forcing the system to allocate resources her way. The solution I chose was only possible as a result of the rapid runup in Colorado real estate values. I took out a home equity line against my house and involuntarily committed her to a residential treatment facility in Utah. For 10 months I had peace in my home, and she was finally getting the help she deserved from the beginning. She did not, however, take full advantage of all that was offered to her at this facility.
She still suffers from self-regulation issues and depression, and refuses now to complete her GED. More disconcerting she now has a young child. I saw her lack of regulation skills play out in her interactions with him yesterday. I don't think they crossed the line in to being reportable abuse but they were still disconcerting. She now struggles with finding resources for herself and her child. Much of this is the result of her refusal to accept help that was offered, but truthfully what she needs is a transitional housing program where she and her child can be safe, and she can be monitored and held accountable.
But in Colorado we've chosen Tabor refunds over beds for those with mental health needs. Shame on us.
And on that note the floor is yours. And please vote as if your life depended on it.
