Howdy America! Remember me? Of course you do! And believe me, I was just as surprised as you are now when the Republican National Committee asked if I’d deliver this Election Season message! Y’know, It wasn’t so long ago when hearing the word “Republicans” made you think of a bunch of stodgy old fussbudgets... boring and predictable, just like elections… Of course you’ve probably noticed that lately we’ve been making some pretty big changes and now when you hear the word “Republicans” I bet a lot of you don’t even know what to think!
While the Berkeley installation turned out better than expected, the “SCUMP” sign by Coit Tower did not. The problem with using large landmarks for context is that they tend to make things look rather small by comparison. In my mind this rollout of the portmanteau of “Scum” and “Trump” for the tourists down at Fisherman’s Wharf was going to look a lot more impressive. It was noticeable though - and legible — those are the important things.
Signs painted (above) and posted (below) over the summer. Also Here
And that’s perfectly alright by us ‘cuz you see: boring and predictable, that’s the Democrats now. They go to elections and vote for candidates same as always. You know: same ol’ same old. And as a Republican you’re welcome to do that too. But also a whole lot more because today’s Republican Party ain’t like no other party you’ve ever seen! When you sign up with us you get to choose your own adventure - and whether you’re casting a vote against a municipal water bond or the cannibal hordes flanking the armies of Satan - you’ll know you’re among friends as a member of today’s Republican Party.
Top left was made from leftovers from the Berkeley installation and top right was the effect of a passing city bus with a lit interior at night. Just below the bus is the blue to red shift of police lights.
That we’ll hear some of the most looney-tunes bullshit that’s ever been uttered and present it as evidence in a court of law is now of course a matter of record, so if your only evidence that Princess Diana was murdered by Lyndon Baines Johnson is a mustard stain on your sock, welcome aboard friend, and tell us all about it. We’re a party of millions united by our conviction that Donald Trump should be President again, so don’t think you’re gonna pull any fast ones on us: we’re gonna need to take a look at that sock.
Top left was a passing semi with some kind of blue light underneath. In night photos I don’t add colors so much as over-saturate the existing ones for a brighter and more psychedelic effect
A lot of you are probably wondering about the election and if Donald Trump’s going to claim it’s stolen and why we or anyone should believe him when he’s demonstrably lied to the public something like thirty-six thousand and one separate times. First off, everyone deserves a thirty-six thousand and second chance. Second, we are a nation of laws. Obviously he has some proof otherwise he’s yelling fire in a theater only it’s a couple of million times worse. And just as obviously he’s presented this evidence to the proper authorities because otherwise he’d be aiding and abetting the perpetrator: Duh.
As of August 30th
Honestly, it’s like y’all have no faith in the system.
As for the upcoming election, get ready to say goodbye to the tedious humdrum of mere numerical tallying and Hello! to a magical wonderland where the only limits you’ll find are the ones in your wildest dreams! We’ve taken the electoral process and added one special ingredient that opens the door to a whole world of possibilities and anything can happen if you can dream it… What’s the name of this special ingredient? Good Ol’ Imagination. Sprinkle a little here… a little there… and before you know it Election Day’s just the beginning, not the end!
There’s the thrill of the courtrooms where anything can happen! Zombie dictators! Italian Satellites! Questions of jurisprudence like Is it really hearsay if it’s evidence that’s presented directly from the person who heard it from the ghost who lives in the wind? I bet some of you didn’t even know ghosts could live in the wind!
It’s a long and twisty road between Election and Certification Day, and it’s bound to be chock full of all sorts of surprises! For almost two hundred fifty years Certification Day meant almost nothing to anyone. Now everyone knows it’s the day when almost anything can happen! Say it with me: Certification Day! You can practically feel the magic sparkling in each syllable. Is there any other day where a violent mob can be transformed into a symbol of love? Where a man can carry a flag of the Confederacy or smear feces on the walls of the Capitol and be called a patriot? By the President? On what other day could a guy like me gaze down on the Senate floor and know that even if it’s only for just one precious moment, the voice of the cows will echo throughout the halls of power “We’re here! We’re Steer! And lately we’ve been noticing what appear to be some rather disturbing trends in atmospheric conditions we’d like to discuss with you at the soonest possible convenience!”
(While unquestionably the best of all the bovine search engines, the translation function on Moogle seems to suffer the exact same problem as the rest of them: everything gets translated as “MOOOOOO!”)
It’s the time after Election Day where losing candidates can be turned into winners if their supporters never give up and never shut up: that means whining, begging, crying, threatening, lying, cheating… whatever it takes. They’ll say the rules are meaningless if they’re working against them, and inviolate when they’re not , Mostly it’s for when things are close… I’m talking to you Democrats now. Don’t you ever wonder why we always get the ones that are close? It’s because we’re willing to do things that you won’t.
That’s important for you to remember if you’re tempted to interact with us. Because if you’re not willing to lie or cheat or compromise or humiliate yourself over an issue it’s a good idea to keep your distance from anyone who obviously is. They have a lot more invested in it than you do, and you’ve got a lot more to lose. Be glad.
We tried to tell you - all the way back in high school. When you were too cool for Spirit Week? You thought school spirit was bullshit. You couldn’t say your school is superior for no reason except that it’s yours… But learning to do that is the first lesson of Spirit Week. You don’t have to believe it. In fact it’s better if you’re lying. Lying for the group - that’s lesson number two. How many times in these past ten years has someone openly lied to you over politics and you wondered why when they had nothing really to gain? That’s Spirit Week. It’s when you learn this stuff - but you’ve got to believe in the group more than yourself, and that’s not for everyone. Like when I talked about lying and begging and cheating that disgusted you - why would I debase myself? That’s self-esteem. You were taught that to protect you when you go out into the world. But it’s a luxury you can’t afford, at least not too much of it, to be an effective member of a group.
I just want to remind you of a couple of things from back then. After graduation, if you got to leave, or even if you had a choice, that made you lucky. Never forget that. Asking if you’d be part of Spirit Week might’ve been the first time the ones who asked you had reached out to you at all, so if you saw it as the only chance you’d have to turn your back on them I don’t blame you for taking it. But if you think hard you’ll remember that they told you there was more to it than they could say, and much more than you thought, and that you’d actually be learning things that would prove useful in the future. And that as absurd as it might seem, a day would come when you’d remember this.
Although there’s a bit of a shelf life on this one, (“Of course, who doesn’t love Ketamine?”)for the first few weeks after Biden stepped down it was fairly obvious what these meant. Along with their brevity, I like the subliminal message of“OK” so badly needed in these trying times.
