A Fond (And Hopefully Temporary) Farewell
The Daily Show’s Dulcé Sloan takes a moment from digging her survival bunker to document the cornerstones of society—libraries, schools, parks—before You-Know-Who takes the You-Know-What of office...
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America: land of the grifters, home of the gullible.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, November 21, 2024
Note: President-elect Trump vows Justice Department investigation of dead cat for bouncing higher than his approval rating. Film at 11.
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By the Numbers:
8 days!!!
Weeks 'til Thanksgiving: 1
Days 'til Williamsburg's Foods and Feasts of Colonial Virginia: 8
Number of cargo containers moved at the Port of Long Beach in October, its best one-month performance in its 113-year history: 987,191
Percent by which traffic is up at the port for the year: 30%
Percent of adults who reported being smokers in 1965: 42%
Percent of adults who reported being smokers in 2021, the latest figures available according to a new Surgeon General's report: 11.5%
Percent chance that average Americans will be better off financially with massive tariffs on imported goods: 0%
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Quite a few people have been mishearing the Lord lately.
The Rev. Pat Robertson thinks the Lord told the people of Dover, Pa., they shouldn't ask for His help anymore because they elected a school board Robertson doesn't like. And Rep. Richard Baker of Louisiana said right after Hurricane Katrina that "we finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did it."
I kind of doubt Katrina was designed by the Lord as a form of urban renewal. I think it's a big mistake for us to go around putting our own puny interpretations on stuff that happens and then claiming the Lord meant thus-and-such by it. It is my humble opinion that some folks should do a lot more listening to God and a lot less talking for Him.
—December, 2005
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Sunflower fields forever…
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CHEERS to preparing for moving day. Hey! Wanna get a look at our next home? Gee, it's a swell place. There's no war, no hunger, no pestilence, no cheating at cards, and no stupid climate conferences attended mostly by fossil fuel barons. And thanks to the Solar Orbiter we launched in 2020, we now have stunning new pics of our future living quarters: the sun. And before you all start claiming your spots (or should I say "sun spots"? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!), I call dibs on the cute li'l duplex in the upper left quadrant next to the Dollar Candy Corn Store:
Granted, Earth won’t be moving in for another seven billion years. But it's never too early to start packing. And don’t worry too much about the climate. Sure, it's between 8,132 and10,832 degrees there. But on the other hand: kiss those heating bills goodbye.
CHEERS and JEERS to moolah matters. I know what you're saying. You're saying, "Hey! Billy starts with a B, and Business starts with a B, so Billy must be an expert at business!" Um...no. So here's a quick roundup of business headlines we collected over the last few days by them's who knows. As usual, there are some green shoots, some brown weeds, and a bit of whiplash:
$ Walmart to raise prices if Trump tariffs take effect
$ The cost of preparing your Turkey Day feast likely to be cheaper this year
$ Black Friday, Cyber Monday spending projected to hit new high
Thanks, Bidenomics.
$ Consumers tighten spending habits ahead of holiday shopping season
$ Cleveland launches formal bid for a WNBA team
$ Eurozone Wage Growth Picks Up Pace, ECB Says
$ Maine sees 9% drop in tourists compared to last summer
$ Spirit Airlines files for bankruptcy as financial losses pile up
$ Alex Jones and his allies are desperately trying to stop the sale of InfoWars to The Onion
$ Dental company stocks jump amid RFK Jr.’s health claims about fluoride
$ Traffic on BlueSky up 500% since election
And this just in: Americans say money can buy happiness, but only if they have a minimum liquidity of $200,000. However, if you ask real nice we'll settle for $199,999.
Only surviving photo of the Mayflower arriving at the new land.
CHEERS to reaching dry land. On November 21, 1620, after being denied boarding passes at Heathrow because they were on the no-fly list, a bunch of renegade "pilgrims" from England with a bad case of B.O. and no sense of humor landed in New England after 66 days at sea and promptly got all quill-crazy, signing the Mayflower Compact…
“...to enact, constitute, and frame just and equal laws, ordinances, acts, constitutions and offices, from time to time, as shall be thought most meet and convenient for the general good of the Colony, unto which we promise all due submission and obedience."
By the way, the ship was destined for the northern edge of the Virginia Colony, but they ended up dropping anchor in a totally different place: Provincetown, Massachusetts. After spending several years reviewing all the available evidence, historians came to an inescapable conclusion: GPS sucked back then.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to Saving Our Souls. 118 years ago this week, in 1906, "S-O-S" was adopted as a distress signal at the International Radio Telegraphic Convention in Berlin. Of course, today there's an alternative signal that can be used to signal disaster of epic proportions: "G-O-P."
JEERS to squeezing the press. Massive pearl clutching among the D.C. cocktail circuit as prominent members of the lapdog press Joe Scarborough and Mike Brzezinski were summoned like obedient puppy dogs to Trump's Florida palace over the weekend, and word is he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name…at the top of his lungs as he screamed at them over their perceived unfairness to him in what one witness described as "a fucking firing squad." On the bright side, Trump let them go without activating the trap door above his pit of alligators this time, although he did demand that they toss a random anchor out the window as a token of apology. They unanimously chose Brett Baier. (He’ll be fine. Turns out he bounces.)
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 21, 2014
CHEERS to an overdue act of compassion. Republicans will be going to bed early tonight so they don’t have to hear President Obama announce his executive actions on immigration:
Our immigration system has been broken for decades—and every minute we fail to act, millions of people who live in the shadows but want to play by the rules and pay taxes have no way to live right by the law and contribute to our country. … The Senate passed a bipartisan bill more than 500 days ago, and while the country waits for House Republicans to vote, the President will act—like the Presidents before him—to fix our immigration system in the ways that he can.
So tune in [tonight] at 8 p.m. ET to learn what the President is doing to ensure that America will continue to be what it has always been: a nation of laws and a nation of immigrants.
And then tune in to Fox News at around 8:20 to hear it continue to be what it has always been: a network of pissed-off white people.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to U.S. Mint'y freshness. The new American Women Quarter is here! The new American Women Quarter is here! Yes indeed, the latest in this year’s series of U.S. quarters celebrating accomplished American women was released late last month, and she’s a prominent figure in Native American culture:
Zitkala-Ša, also known as Gertrude Simmons Bonnin, was a writer, composer, educator, and political activist for Native American rights and citizenship in the early 20th century.
Zitkala-Ša was staunchly opposed to the annihilation of indigenous culture through assimilation after she was forced to give up her own Native American customs and traditions in exchange for an education. Additionally, her advocacy work directly led to the passage of the Indian Citizenship Act of 1924, which granted American Indians US Citizenship while still maintaining their tribal standing and citizenship.
The reverse depicts Zitkala-Ša in traditional Yankton Sioux dress. She is holding a book, which represents her work as an author as well as her successful activism for Native American rights. Behind her, a stylized sun represents her work on The Sun Dance Opera, while a cardinal symbolizes her name, which translates to “Red Bird.” A Yankton Sioux-inspired diamond pattern sits underneath the sun.
This is the last graduate of the Class of '24. C&J will keep the world posted on next year's honorees ahead of their arrivals. It'll give normal people time to learn more about these trailblazing women, and misogynists time to take their heart medication.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Fox’s Jonathan Turley Says Bill in Portland Maine Wants To Treat Trump Like a ‘Freak on a Leash’ For Four Years
—Mediaite
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