In between attacking “the Radical Left Lunatics” and congratulating his hero Elon Musk for something on Tuesday, Donald Trump announced he’s hawking some new Trump-branded merchandise: guitars.
Sold at the crassly perfect gettrumpguitars.com, one can order garishly painted guitars at prices ranging from $1,000 to $10,000. The latter are signed by the huckster himself—or at least that’s what the photo suggests.
As billionaire entrepreneur and Trump critic Mark Cuban told Rachel Maddow back in October, "The only reason you sell cologne, you sell commemorative coins, you sell sneakers, and you put together this DeFi project is because you need the money—you know, you have to. And that's the insanity of it all: people trying to look at him as a good business person when he literally can't run his own businesses."
These cheesy guitars join the pile of frequently gold-plated garbage Trump has hawked through the years, including:
Crypto
Trump once called cryptocurrency “a scam,” so I’ll give you one guess as to who is selling cryptocurrency now.
Sneakers
Expensive? Check. Gold? Check. Wicked ugly? Check.
Bibles
What’s more holy than a Bible that costs more than twice as much as most bibles? Trump’s “God Bless the USA” version of the Good Book features a copy of the Bill of Rights, the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, and the Pledge of Allegiance. Jesus died for your right to pay a tithe to a braggadocious billionaire.
Trump digital trading cards
The NFT boom-and-bust scam market was a fertile place for Trump to launch his digital trading card series. The con sales were good enough that Trump did it again.
Watches
Not unlike the guitars, Trump’s luxury watches could be found at the inventive url gettrumpwatches.com. They were sold as “Swiss-made” timepieces, but a look into the mysterious company producing the watches seemed to place it in Wyoming … the Switzerland of the Mountain-Prairie region?
Bottled water
As our infrastructure deteriorates, the price of bottled water has surpassed that of tap water by orders of magnitude. Trump entered the bottled water market early with “Trump Ice,” but the venture failed because he’s always been bad at business.
Trump wine
Only the most exploited migrant workers help create wine for the man who loathes anyone who actually works for a living.
Challenge coins
Trump turned the practice of turning presidential “challenge coins,” which are traditionally given out by the president as a keepsake, into a MAGA-branding exercise. He did this because he’s so f-cking classy.
Cologne
What does Trump’s “Victory” cologne smell like? Probably greed with notes of insecurity and desperation.
Steaks
He called them “the world’s greatest steaks” when they launched and failed to find a market back in 2007.
Trump University
And who could forget Trump's historically fraudulent "university.” The venture led to him paying out millions in a settlement for screwing people who were hoping to better their lives and get “rich” like him.
Are you sick and tired of Elon Musk? Click this link for instant access to Daily Kos and staff accounts on Bluesky. Follow along for the latest news to stay informed and engaged!
