Top 6 Reasons to Sign Up for Health Insurance at Healthcare.gov Today
6. You only have 11 days left to sign up for coverage starting January 1st.
5. Did somebody say excellent benefits? Like no denial for pre-existing conditions? Like keeping dependents on your plan until age 26? Like a bunch of free preventive care services? Like no lifetime caps? And in many cases premiums are lower than usual because of the expanded premium support? Why yes. Yes, I did. (And I’ll also say: Thanks, Democrats, for all of the above.)
4. Your insurance card doubles as a convenient windshield scraper in winter and, when flapped back and forth, a gentle and eco-friendly cooling fan in the summer.
3. I can’t tell you what #3 is. You’ll just have to trust me. But it’s big.
2. Because enrolling means you’re, like, a responsible adult and stuff.
And the #1 reason, courtesy of Daily Kos’s brainwrap (aka Charles Gaba) at ACASignups.net, who keeps track of the numbers like no one else:
Again: 11 days left for coverage starting January 1.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, December 4, 2024
Note: If you suffer from the itching and burning of spontaneous combustion that hinders your active lifestyle, ask your firefighter if water is right for you.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Happy Holiday: 21
Days 'til the Pioneer Christmas at Minnesota's Forest City Stockade: 3
Rank of last Sunday among busiest air travel days since the founding of our republic: #1
Number of travelers on Sunday, according to the TSA, which of course was founded in 1785 by Ben Franklin: 3.08 million
Amount committed by the government to the building of two new electric-vehicle battery plants in Kokomo, Indiana in conjunction with Stellantis and Samsung: $7.5 billion
Percent chance that a new law stating that sex workers in Belgium are entitled to formal employment contracts—including sick pay and maternity leave—is the first of its kind in the world: 100%
Amount you'll get if you exchange one Russian ruble into dollars: 9/10 of one cent
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 182 (including 5 nuclear nations and 1 reason for the season). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Ivy!!!
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JEERS to missions not accomplished. When I hired them to put this shithole planet out of its misery, they assured me they never miss. And yet...
A small asteroid sped toward Earth before it burned out above far northeastern Russia on Tuesday night, sparking a natural light show for residents in the remote corner of the planet, officials said.
Space Force image of Asteroid Whatzisface.
A "nice fireball in the sky over northern Siberia" was reportedly spotted at 5:15 p.m. CET by residents in the Russian republic of Yakutia, the space agency said.
And thanks to their incompetence, Earth is still here. Thanks a lot, Acme Asteroids LLC. Worst twenty bucks I ever spent.
CHEERS to new discoveries. 28 years ago today—ah, 1996, those golden Clinton years—during its Pathfinder mission NASA sent a six-wheeled rover called Sojourner to roam the surface of another planet and gather rocks and other lifeless debris. Moments after landing, the space agency got a call from Newt Gingrich asking them to please come get it off his head.
JEERS to missions not accomplished. Oh, what the hell, let's stick with space for another minute. It seems that everyone—everyone but me, that is—forgot to check in and see how the most important project of this century is going. In case it's slipped your mind, this was the big announcement in December of 2006:
NASA unveiled plans yesterday to set up a small and ultimately self-sustaining settlement of astronauts at the south pole of the moon sometime around 2020—the first step in an ambitious plan to resume manned exploration of the solar system.
The long-awaited proposal envisions initial stays of a week by four-person crews, followed by gradually longer visits until power and other supplies are in place to make a permanent presence possible by 2024.
I've been calling the pay phone in the break room of Moonbase Alpha for several hours this morning, but no one's picking up. Probably in their rooms watching porn. Stay tuned for our next update in 2042. I'm told it'll be very exciting.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to going in circles. On December 4th, 1877, Thomas Edison invented the phonograph in Menlo Park, New Jersey. I love downloading music, but I do miss vinyl. It had character. (Said the sad, bitter old Maine blogger to whomever he'd just drunk-dialed on his rotary phone.)
CHEERS to order in the court. Meanwhile, a great commotion from the great state of Delaware as a judge throws the book, The gavel, her robe, and the stenography machine at a gentleman by the name of—[checks court records]—Musk. Elon Musk. And this is gonna sting a bit:
The Delaware judge who denied Tesla CEO Elon Musk a $56 billion compensation package once did so for a second time on Monday, dealing a fresh legal defeat to the billionaire as he prepares for a major role in President-elect Donald Trump’s new administration. […]
Judge Kathaleen McCormick
Chancellor Kathaleen McCormick of the Court of Chancery initially voided the pay pact in January because of what she called "extensive ties" between Musk and the people negotiating the pay package and a lack of public disclosure about Musk’s relationships with those who approved the deal. […]
McCormick said Musk and the defendants put forth the "exact same" pay plan that she found had breached the duty of loyalty that board members owe to their shareholders by law.
To put $56 billion in perspective: that's 1.2 original-value Twitters, or 6 current-value Twitters. The saddest part for Musk: he has 24 hours to dismantle his Evil Villain's Lair Inside A Volcano and haul it back from Skull Island to Rent-A-Center.
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Ten years ago in C&J: December 4, 2014
JEERS to more fiddling while earth burns. In Lima, Peru, the climate summit is seeking a new pact that calls for immediate action to politely ask the world's mega-polluter nations if they will kindly consider taking action at some point in the future:
The biggest challenge for the U.N.-sponsored talks is dividing responsibilities between rich Western countries and emerging economies such as China and India. The poorest and most vulnerable nations also need help to develop their economies without aggravating global warming, and to adapt to climate changes that are already causing more violent weather, prolonged droughts and intense flooding.
The negotiators in Lima are focusing on a draft agreement that can be refined before the Paris meeting a year from now.
Argh. You know it's tough for the world to break free of Big Oil's influence when even the climate summit's draft has to be refined.
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And just one more…
JEERS to perilous playthings. I probably should've mentioned this item a couple weeks ago before the entire country went shopping for toys over the Thanksgiving holiday. The Public Interest Research Group is out with their annual report on dangerous toys, and the good news is that, on the whole, toys are safer than ever. As usual, toys whose chemical levels are too big, noise levels are too loud, or whose parts are too small topped the list. And in the internet age there's another hazard parents should watch for: "connected toys" that hoover up your kids' personal information in possible violation of privacy and consumer protection laws. Meanwhile, the Cheers and Jeers Public Safety Commission and Unlicensed Liquor Institute has a few additions that the PIRG missed:
The Li'l Warrior Happy 57E6 Surface to Air Missile: Could pose a choking hazard to children 5 and under; may also be detrimental to flowerbeds.
Tickle Me Vladimir Action Figure: May cause World War III. May also have a variety of venereal diseases.
And don’t get us started on the potential hazards of Exxon’s Junior Happy Fun Oil Refinery Explosion Playset. (Evacuation loudspeakers sold separately.)
Playskool Mexico-Funded U.S. Border Wall: No particular danger to kids, but parents should know that this is just an empty box.
Tunnel Me Brain Worm: If you liked Tickle Me Elmo, you’ll love this soon-to-be holiday favorite. At least that’s what RFK Jr. says.
J.D. Vance Gives A Speech Play Set: May cause children to die of boredom. Adults, too.
Make America Great Again baseball cap: Side effects include lower IQ, frothing at the mouth, and delusions that Daddy's coal job is coming back.
Ho Ho Ho! You've been warned.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"We haven’t done the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool properly in many years. I thought this would be a great time to test the waters and when Bill in Portland Maine offered his stage, it was an 'a-ha!' moment."
—Josh Groban
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