Last year there was a video on TikTok that “went viral” (I can’t verify this, I am not on TikTok) about what she called “The What About Me Effect” and it’s something I see here a lot.
Basically, it points to a part of our culture that has taken our interest in making accommodations, for people and turned every internet post into an opportunity to criticize based on the viewer’s own personal preferences or needs. She describes comments on a TikTok video about making bean soup. Several people came along to ask how bean soup could be made… without beans. Because they’re allergic to beans, or just don’t like beans. She lays the blame at the feet of hyper-individualism and calls this the “what about me effect”.
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I bring this up because I’ve learned posting commenting here that making generalized statements often results in similar responses. Make a broad statement and someone will pipe up with a comment like “well, I did X and it turned out great for me” or some variation of “not all Xs are like that.” I’ll give you an example.
Last year Lauren Boebert became a grandmother at age 36. This means that the average age for her and her daughter conceiving a child was around 18 years old. I commented something along the lines of “becoming a grandmother at 36 means you messed up”. I think that’s a fairly defensible statement- most people would agree that having a child at 18 or earlier isn’t great, and two generations in a row having them at around that age suggests a problem. Teenage mothers are more likely to end up single, (single parenting = not fun, I know from experience!), more likely to be depressed, less likely to go to college, etc. It’s just not a good outcome from a policy or parenting standpoint.
BUT, being as we’re online, someone had to disagree with their own, highly personal example. A user responded with a lengthy comment about how her and her spouse decided to have children at 18 so that they could raise them through their college career that included plans for grad school. They apparently devised this plan before they were 18. They then suggested the same to their child, who apparently followed their advice. Her and her spouse became grandparents before the age of 40 and it turned out great.
Now, setting aside the possibility that this poster was yanking my chain (very possible!), does it make any sense to make this sort of comment? Even if these literal teenagers were preternaturally mature, we don’t live in a world where that’s the norm. Suggesting it’s generally not a bad idea is irresponsible. It sounds to me like someone out there read my comment and decided I was looking through the internet and judging them for something I had no idea they’d done. I wasn’t. I don’t know this person. But I still would have made that comment if I had.
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I recently posted a satirical diary about Jon Stewart being old and comparing him to Joe Biden. I didn’t go out of my way to label it as satire, though I did include a sentence “Joe Biden is doing a good job”. Most people got the joke. But some people inevitably didn’t. And then other people mocked them for not getting it. Feelings were hurt. One person literally claimed that by the logic of my diary, Joe Biden should retire, despite me saying Joe Biden is doing a good job in the diary. Several people claimed that I should have labeled it satire or snark.
While I regret that some people got into arguments and some people got their feelings hurt, I don’t think it’s my fault. And I don’t intend to start using a snark tag.
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The goal of satire is to make the target of satire look foolish by extending their behavior or worldview to some absurd length, thereby exposing their flaws. The best satire has to walk a tightrope of being plausible enough that the target could be seeing acting this way, but also so ridiculous that readers or viewers will recognize the joke. It is difficult to do, and even in the best cases, some people will take it seriously, because the best satire is delivered straight with no attempt to announce itself as satire. This results in a certain side effect— people getting upset because they don’t realize it’s satire. That too can be funny. Ideally people will laugh at themselves after belatedly understanding the joke.
I happen to be married to a master leg-puller. She often will say things, in a straight face, that are so outlandish and so perfectly targeted that it results in awkward, uncomfortable silence while people try to figure out what’s going on. That awkward silence followed by realization it’s a joke IS the joke. Once people figure it out, they usually laugh because my wife is a very funny person.
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The problem that results here on the internet is that in real life you can pull someone’s leg, and if the awkward silence goes on too long you always have the escape hatch — “I’m pulling your leg”. Unfortunately, we don’t have that here. If I leave a sarcastic comment or write a satirical diary, I have no idea how soon anyone will read it, and how long they might be wondering what I’m getting at. And if you make a sarcastic comment, the chances of someone mistaking it for a real statement are high. Especially here.
This problem is further exacerbated by some readers inability to understand these jokes at all. I don’t know the right language around it, but I have been informed several times that some neurodivergent individuals can’t understand sarcasm so in order to avoid offense, we should label everything with a /s.
The response to this is often to point out that the /s kills the joke. Let’s imagine we’re at dinner and I make an absurd statement that most people around the table realize is a joke. If I immediately say, “I’m joking!” is it funny? No. Most people would take that as me attempting to tell a joke and then losing faith in it before it’s even really sunk in. That’s not funny. Again, the awkward silence, and the uncomfortable feeling that we get while processing the joke, is the joke. Putting a /s on a comment is the same as blurting out “I’m joking” before silence sets in. It’s sometimes insightful, but it’s never funny. A lot of the time it’s a bummer.
And let’s be real- what’s the point of telling a joke if you have to explain it? No one in the history of the world has ever laughed after they had a joke explained to them. The response is always “oh I get it now”. But I’ve seen a lot of people laugh when they realized on their own that someone was pulling their leg.
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Now I admit, save the jokes! is a dumb campaign. Who cares if I can’t joke? No lives are lost. And I agree, this isn’t a particularly important hill to die on. Maybe we should just let satire die.
But like the video above, we’re trying to negotiate what reasonable accommodations are. If I publish a video about bean soup, do I really need to think about people who don’t eat beans? What is reasonable here? I’ll be upfront, I don’t think the snark tag is a reasonable accommodation. The reason being that there is a better way than jumping up and saying, “how dare you!”. Do you immediately do that in real life? I doubt it. I’ve never seen a single person do this. If you have, cool, that’s interesting. Please don’t write me an essay about it.
The first thing I would suggest is—look at the context. Do we get lots of trolls here, at DKos, in 2024? It’s not 2008 guys. The blogosphere hasn’t been hot for over a decade. We’re really not important enough to troll. As such, we should assume that everyone here is commenting in good faith or making a joke until proven otherwise. And when I publish a satirical diary and the question of “is this satire?” has been asked and answered in the comments, and subsequent comments are “how dare you!”, that’s on that commenter. Read the diary and then read the comments before getting upset, trust me, it’s better for you.
The other thing I would suggest is something I have learned from experience. Being married to a master leg-puller is a lot of fun. But every now and then I’ll end up genuinely confused. But I don’t immediately shout “how dare you!” at my wife. That’s not how you deal with people you care about. Instead, I just say “I’m not sure if you’re joking, what do you really think?” Then I know.
So that’s what I suggest- if you think someone is either an asshole, or joking, ASK. Try it:
Is this a joke?
Is this snark?
You forgot the snark tag
Etc.
And if someone says “this was satire” then you’ve saved yourself the trouble of writing up an angry response. You didn’t end up being that person who didn’t get it. (If someone asks “is this snark?” and you know it is, DO NOT be the asshole who says “duh you should have known). If the response is “I’m being serious, feel free to “HOW DARE YOU” all you want. I generally don’t think the HDY comments change the OP’s mind, but you do you.
It’s not difficult, and it preserves the ability of the rest of us to make jokes. Even if they’re dumb jokes like mine.
EDIT- I totally forgot I scheduled this today. I didn’t mean to publish twice this morning. Sorry for clogging the queue.
