Good Morning
I just read that convicted felon Donald J. Trump had to meet yesterday with the person besides Judge Juan Merchan who rules his world. The 45th president of the United States now has a probation officer. And that made me think of something that I thought I’d share with you this morning:
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
TRUMP HAS A PROBATION OFFICER.
Feel free to clip that out and post it on your fridge if you find it helpful, as I have, in these troubled times.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, June 11, 2024
Note: If you need to talk with Ginni Thomas or Martha-Ann Alito about anything this morning, you’ll find them down at the nursing home short-sheeting the beds. For Jesus, of course. Always for Jesus.
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By the Numbers:
4 days!!!
Days 'til convicted felon Trump gets sentenced: 30
Days 'til the Portland, Maine Pride Parade and Festival: 4
Number of American World War I casualties buried at the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery in France, which President Biden visited Sunday: 2,289
Number of mopeds and scooters not registered or operated by licensed drivers that were physically crushed last week by New York City: 200
Number of candidates who will be on the ballot June 28 for the Iranian presidential election to replace Ebrahim Raisi, who died in a helicopter crash: 6
Percent chance that the winner will be Deez Nuts: 0%
Factor by which the need for copper, important in renewable energy generation, is expected to increase by 2035: 2x
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Decisions, decisions…
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JEERS to Slow Poke Land. Britain calls for elections and their campaign season runs for 43 days. France calls for elections and their campaign season runs for 29 days. Election season in Mexico: 90 days. Election season in Canada: as few as 36 days. Here in the United States? You're born during a campaign season and it never ends until you're pushing up daisies. But to be fair, there's at least one thing positive about our never-ending endurance contest of pandering blabbermouths sporting lapel pins the size of a Buick. And if you give me enough time I might even think of what it is.
JEERS to by-the-numbers outrage. I'm not saying she'd hump Hitler's leg. But South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem would definitely hump Donald Trump's, so we'll call that "two degrees of separation," which is not a lot of degrees of separation from a Nazi! Having said that, I'd say the words her spin doctors wrote on her behalf in response to a weekend Nazi rally at the South Dakota capitol building are appropriate, if perfunctory:
We just celebrated the 80th commemoration of D-Day, when the take-back of Europe from Freedom-hating Nazis began. Today, Nazis attempted to rally at the SD Capitol without a permit and were escorted away by Highway Patrol officers. Nazis are not welcome here in South Dakota. We stand on the shoulders of generations of Americans who have fought for the Freedom of all—here and abroad. We stand for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We reject all hatred and Nazis. Full stop.
Just my opinion, but the little *wink* emoji they added at the end wasn’t helpful.
CHEERS to a good start. On June 11, 1776, the Continental Congress formed a committee in Philadelphia to draft a Declaration of Independence. Here are three of those members—Adams, Franklin (Tom Wilkinson, who died recently, dammit) and Jefferson—hashing out the particulars in one of my favorite scenes from the HBO miniseries John Adams:
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The Declaration itself was nice, but what really floors me is: a committee actually did something useful.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the C&J punch line express lane—for people on the go who need a terrible joke delivered fast. A new report, dug into here at EnvironmentAmerica.org, says that wherever plastic bag bans are in place, they work wonders to protect the environment. Even more good news: bans on plastic bags mean fewer Melania Trump sightings. [Long pause.] You're welcome.
CHEERS to Billeh's Guide to Talking About Israel-Gaza-Palestine-Hamas. Let's face it: this is a tough and touchy subject to broach. I get it, I really do! That's why I've spent several months researching and testing the best way to involve oneself in a discussion about the "I-P" conundrum without hurting feelings, sparking outrage, fraying nerves, touching third rails, crashing through guardrails, or spiraling down a wormhole of both-sideserism and/or whataboutism. It goes like this:
"You guys start without me, I gotta go to the can."
And then you climb out through the bathroom window, crawl on the ground to your car, and make a discreet getaway. Thank you for your time. I'm Bill in Portland Maine, and this has been my Master Class.
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Ten years ago in C&J: June 11, 2014
CHEERS to same-sex-cheesehead marriage. Last Friday, just in time for Milwaukee's Pride events, a federal judge struck down Wisconsin's ban on gay marriage. And, of course, that prompted a mad scramble to get marriage licenses at town halls before the inevitable stay was issued. But then the darndest thing happened….
[The] federal judge who struck down the state's ban on same-sex marriage Friday refused to put her decision on hold in a hearing [yester]day.
Hundreds of same-sex couples have married in Wisconsin since U.S. District Court Judge Barbara Crabb's Friday ruling striking down the ban, reports the Associated Press.
But fair warning to all you nuptial newbies: at Wisconsin weddings, things happen a little differently: instead of throwing rice they throw slabs of medium cheddar. Wear a helmet.
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And just one more…
JEERS to unwelcome earworms. Warm weather has officially arrived here in Portland, Maine, and with it the annual swarming of the construction/contractor crews. As it happens, a confluence of galactic events has plopped two crews right across the street from us—one crew for major landscaping (stone patio and shrubbery, presumably in case the Knights Who Say Ni show up) in our neighbor's back yard, and another that's repaving the sprawling retail plaza parking lot next to them.
By my count, yesterday there were three trailer trucks hauling in equipment and shrubs…two paving machines...two steamrollers…five dump trucks…three front-end loaders…and one back-hoe. And whenever they back up, which is roughly 90 percent of the time, they play a happy little tune. I would like to play it for you now, starting with the first verse:
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
And the second verse:
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
And then the big finish:
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
And they’ll play more versus again today. Oh, just give ‘em the Grammy already.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"Remember the days when you would go to Cheers and Jeers and be wowed because you didn’t know what was next? There’s something to be said about mystique.”
—Roger Daltrey
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