Maine Sen. Susan Collins is taking another “brave” stand that will help exactly no one. It’s the kind of stand designed to signal she’s a virtuous freethinker who’s determined to do absolutely nothing to stop a wannabe dictator from abruptly ending our 248-year-old American experiment.
Collins just did the most Susan Collins thing ever. It was so Susan Collins, in fact, it will no doubt concern her greatly and spawn an even more concerned version of Collins than the current one, ultimately precipitating an infinite progression of concerned Collinses that eventually suffuses all reality with an omnipresent nebula of concern that makes absolutely no difference to anyone on this planet or any other. Sort of like dark matter—or Lindsey Graham.
Seriously, though, check out this happy horseshit: Knowing that Donald Trump is a clear and present danger to democracy and the post-World War II order, she’s decided enough is enough and is going to vote for … Nikki Haley (who, of course, is bravely voting for Trump).
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Collins announced her plan to write in Haley’s name this November at an event in her home state on Friday.
“I will not be voting for either candidate. I am going to write in Nikki Haley’s name," Collins said, adding that “I publicly endorsed Nikki Haley, and I wanted her to win. She’s still my favorite candidate, and I think she could do a great job. She’s my choice, and that’s how I’m going to express it,” according to Portland, Maine, ABC affiliate WMTW-TV.
The republic is saved! Maybe! Yay, Susan! We’ll save her the top bunk in the Trump Thought Crime Reeducation Camp, sponsored by Mountain Dew Baja Blast. Unless it goes bankrupt before Trump gets around to persecuting her. Which, you know, is pretty likely.
Collins is awful, of course, but she has a lot of company these days. Sure, she’s not outright backing Trump like her hero Nikki Haley and hundreds of other milquetoast mofos in the GOP, but as Dante famously noted, “The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.” If that’s true, Collins better stock up on candles, because hell is coming if we don’t all join together to stop it—and soon.
So far, many, many conservatives who know better are sitting on their hands when it comes to preventing the wholesale Putin-ization of America.
Collins is joined by Mitt Romney, the only GOP senator to vote for conviction in Trump’s first impeachment. He showed more bravery than most at the time—and demonstrated that he knows how corrupt and dangerous Trump really is—but when it comes to forestalling fascism, endorsing Joe Biden is apparently a bridge too far. In May, Romney announced he would not be voting for Trump, but he also declined to say he’d support or vote for Biden, who is the only person currently in a position to stop the ocher abomination.
“I’m not announcing [who I’m voting for] here and now,“ Romney told MSNBC host Stephanie Ruhle in May. “I’m not going to be voting for President Trump. I’ve made that clear. I know for some people, character is not the No. 1 issue. It is for me. When someone has been, well, determined by a jury to have committed sexual assault, that’s not someone who I want my kids and grandkids to see as president of the United States.”
There’s also former National Security Adviser John Bolton, who wrote a scathing tell-all book about his time in Trump’s orbit. He alleged that Trump repeatedly had to be talked out of withdrawing the U.S. from NATO and recalled an incident when Trump told Chinese dictator Xi Jinping that he was right to build detention camps for the country’s persecuted Uighurs. In other words, another Trump term would destabilize our fragile world order and needlessly embolden the world’s worst dictators. So, naturally, Bolton is writing in Dick Cheney this November.
Don’t forget Profile in Porridge Mike Pence, who was nearly murdered during Trump’s lawless Jan. 6, 2021 coup attempt. He’s definitely not endorsing Trump, because he knows better than most how dangerous he is. So, naturally, he’s absolutely ruling out any possibility of voting for President Biden.
“I’m gonna keep my vote to myself,” he told Fox News in March, adding, “I would never vote for Joe Biden.”
How about the dozens of Trump cabinet members who’ve refused to endorse him? Two of his defense secretaries appear genuinely alarmed at the prospect of another Trump term. Defense Secretary Mark Esper was particularly blunt earlier this year, telling CNN’s Jim Acosta, “I do regard him as a threat to democracy, democracy as we know it, our institutions, our political culture, all those things that make America great and have defined us as, you know, the oldest democracy on this planet.”
Okay, that’s great, but Americans really need Esper to jump up and down with his hands waving and his uvula swinging like a speed bag as he screams at the tippy-top of his lungs about the clear and present danger that Trump poses. Doing an interview or two and then peace-ing out is a bit like spotting a wildfire bearing down on a chemical factory and sending the fire department a postcard. Surely these Republicans understand the urgency, right? Right?!
Of course, if there’s one guy who needs to get off his highly decorated derriere tout de suite, it’s Gen. John Kelly (ret.), Trump’s second chief of staff. Kelly was in the room when Trump made some of his most alarming and unhinged statements, including that Hitler “did a lot of good things,” that American troops were “suckers,” that military amputees should be kept away from their commander-in-chief because “it doesn’t look good” for him, and that it might be a cool idea to nuke North Korea and try to blame it on some other country.
In October, Kelly confirmed many of these details—and more—to CNN’s Jake Tapper, who sat mute last month as Trump claimed Biden had made the “suckers” quote up on the debate stage.
“A person who is not truthful regarding his position on the protection of unborn life, on women, on minorities, on evangelical Christians, on Jews, on working men and women,” is how Kelly described Trump at the time. “A person that has no idea what America stands for and has no idea what America is all about. A person who cavalierly suggests that a selfless warrior who has served his country for 40 years in peacetime and war should lose his life for treason—in expectation that someone will take action. A person who admires autocrats and murderous dictators. A person that has nothing but contempt for our democratic institutions, our Constitution, and the rule of law. There is nothing more that can be said. God help us.”
There’s actually a lot more that can be said. And it can be said far more loudly and frequently. But that’s a decision, and Kelly is clearly deciding that his own comfort, leisure time, misplaced sense of “duty,” or what have you is more important than saving our country and democracy.
What in the ever-living fuck is he waiting for? The. House. Is. On. Fire. Do something, Kelly! Go on TV as often as allowed and sound the warning. It’s not like Trump can have someone hanged for treason twice. It’s now or never, man. Do the planet a solid.
Of course, the above toad’s gallery is by no means an exhaustive list. Lots of Republicans who know better are muttering in their soup or deciding to keep their less-than-flattering opinions about Trump to themselves.
So to honor these courageous individuals who meekly assert they won’t vote for Trump and then in the next breath say they’ll vote for Nikki Haley or Dick Cheney or Huckleberry Hound or someone else who’s in no position to end the looming threat of American fascism, I’m announcing the inaugural Susan Collins Concerny Awards, which recognize the nation’s most feckless fighters for democracy and the rule of law.
The 2024 Concerny for Outstanding Non-Achievement in Foreign Policy goes to Gen. John Kelly (ret.). Congratulations! Hope you enjoy your many years in exile. Unfortunately, the rest of us are pretty much stuck here.
Thanks for nothing.
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