Donald Trump had already announced his selection for vice president, removing 99.4% of the drama from the Republican National Convention before it even officially opened in the “horrible” city of Milwaukee on Monday. All that’s left is to see if angry beard guy can deliver a speech that doesn’t terrify America.
Soon after Trump made an appearance with a bright white square of gauze to cover his ear, there were images of him appearing to sleep through the speeches at the RNC. Based on the timing of the video, it seems likely that Trump was closing his eyes during a prayer. However, it would not have been surprising to see him snoring—along with everyone else.
And that’s because the opening night of the RNC was hugely boring.
From an offkey rendition of the national anthem, to a series of speeches whose only redeeming feature was that they were mostly brief, the first night of the RNC was marked by low energy performances and a surprisingly disinterested response.
If Republicans were supposed to be coming into this convention fired up and ready to express their enthusiasm, they certainly didn’t show it on Monday night. And what they got onstage was a list of underwhelming performances from C-tier Republican celebrities.
Sen. Tim Scott, who failed to make the semi-finals of the vice president selection, was there to reassure racists that racism is fine. South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem bragged about how she did nothing to fight COVID-19. Even Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene brought with her only a moment of transphobia delivered like she was reciting a badly memorized poem.
House Speaker Mike Johnson retreated from the stage when the teleprompter broke down. Sen. Ron Johnson forgot his unity speech and instead delivered his plain-old theme of transphobia and hate before claiming that the teleprompter was loaded with the wrong speech. This suggests that the lesson of the night was that not enough Republicans joined the A/V club in high school.
Toward the end of Monday night, in what felt like a sad attempt to connect to the youth, model and TV personality Amber Rose spoke on how the media has lied about Trump. Course, she, like many, wasn’t always a fan of Trump, saying in 2016, “He’s just such an idiot. He’s so weird. I really hope he’s not president.”
Trump entered the hall as a “wounded warrior.” And he had just given the MAGA-laden crowd a VP pick that caters to their worst demands. And still … if it wasn’t quite crickets, it sure wasn’t dancing in the aisles. Maybe Republicans will turn it up on subsequent evenings when the “big names” appear. But last night was less watchable than the reunion show of a reality TV program you didn’t watch in the first place.
So far, the Republican idea of “unity” seems to be stopping North Carolina Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson from explaining just who needs killing and calling Donald Trump “the Braveheart of our times.” Yep. That happened. Now, let’s see if Trump turns up in a kilt.
In selecting hardcore MAGA Sen. J.D. Vance as his vice president, Trump has thrown away any charade of seeking national unity or fulfilling the predictions of a media that seems eternally seeking the day when he becomes “presidential.” But boring is still within his grasp.
The most interesting thing about the RNC so far might be the absences.
Since the apparent assassination attempt on Trump in Butler, Pennsylvania, on Saturday, former Gov. Nikki Haley has reversed her previous position and said she will appear later in the convention.
But Melania Trump and Ivanka Trump are not on the published list of speakers. Neither is Mike Pence. Trump’s wife, daughter, and former vice president—all of whom spoke at the convention in 2020—are not slated to take the stage.
Who’s not there seems a lot more interesting than who is.
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