Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment
Can’t let the week go by without wishing a happy birthday (her 80th, tomorrow) to the late, great shit-kicking journalist Molly Ivins. When one of her columns came out, including the one where she noted that Daily Kos was one of her favorite go-to web sites, time would stand still as I hoovered up her wit, political insight, and righteous anger. And when she released a book I’d run over any number of old ladies to buy it. She left us 17 years ago, but her Texas sass has lost none of its bite. A few gems on various topics, each observation as relevant as ever:
[A]pproximately one fourth of all fertilized eggs are swept out on the menstrual tide before they even get near to implanting themselves in the uterine wall, and we do not hold funerals over Kotex or Tampax. I suggest to you this means that the beginning of life is not a single specific event, but rather a process that deserves increasing respect as it continues toward birth—precisely the tripartite system set up under Roe v. Wade (and if you hear Roe v. Wade described as "abortion on demand," you are listening to a liar).
I respect those who oppose abortion, but I do not think they have a right to use the law as an instrument of coercion against people who do not believe (and it is a matter of faith) as they do. ... There were an estimated one million abortions a year in this country before Roe. Abortion can be safe and legal, or dirty and illegal. It cannot be stopped.
—From Who Let the Dogs In? (2004, Random House)
Molly at her desk at The Texas Observer.
“Jimmy Carter was a president the press just never cottoned to. Like the senators during the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas hearings, they just didn’t get it. Actually it was pretty simple. Jimmy Carter has been out of office for thirteen years now. And every day for thirteen years, that man has gone out and behaved like a good Christian—for no money. Because that's who he is, and that's what he always was. But that was too simple for Power Town.”
—July, 1994
[W]hen the going gets tough for the press in America, the press fudges, the press jellies. That's what we're doing now. We are retreating to a fine old American press cop-out we like to call objectivity. … The odd thing about these television discussions designed to "get all sides of the issue" is that they do not feature a spectrum of people with different views on reality: Rather, they frequently give us a face-off between those who see reality and those who have missed it entirely. In the name of objectivity, we are getting fantasyland.
—From Who Let the Dogs In?
“I say unto you, you do not know what courage is until you have sat in the basement of a Holiday Inn in Fritters, Alabama, with seven brave souls, led by a librarian, who are fixing to form a chapter of the Ay Cee Ell You. They are always driven to this extreme by local pinheads who not only don’t get the Bill of Rights but are eager to trash it. I have been called in through the American Library Association on some bizarre cases: say, the local Christian fundamentalists have decided talking animals are satanic, and consequently, they demand The Three Little Pigs, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, and The Wind in the Willows be removed from the town library.”
—From Bill of Wrongs (2007, Random House)
The classic pic that accompanied her columns.
One more Texas sign in front of a pharmacy: GENERIC PROZAC NOW IN, GOD BLESS AMERICA.
—November, 2001
“I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt. It doesn't actually hurt, but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle.”
—May, 1995
“Politics is not a picture on a wall or a television sitcom you can decide you don’t much care for. Is the person who prescribes your eyeglasses qualified to do so? How deep will you be buried when you die? What textbooks are your children learning from at school? What will happen if you become seriously ill? Is the meat you're eating tainted? Will you be able to afford to go to college or to send your kids? Would you like a vacation? Expect to retire before you die? Can you find a job? Drive a car? Afford insurance? Is your credit card company or your banker or your broker ripping you off? It's all politics, Bubba. You don’t get to opt out for lack of interest.”
—October, 2002
And, of course, her for-the-ages reaction to Pat Buchanan's 1992 Republican convention speech: "It probably sounded better in the original German." If she was around today to write about the MAGA movement, she’d have to change it to “...in the original Russian.” Strange times.
And now, our feature presentation......
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, August 29, 2024
Note: For the benefit of humanity, C&J will not be published Monday. Don’t get too caught up in all the dancing and joy, though, because we'll be back Tuesday. And I think I might just return with an attitude. We'll see. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
7 days!!!
Days 'til the Harris-Trump debate: 12
Days 'til the Niagara County Peach Festival in New York: 7
Current U.S. inflation rate: 2.9%
Number of homes/rental units Kamala Harris is pledging to build as president: 3 million
Percent chance that having RFK Jr. and Tulsi Gabbard on Trump's transition team will work out well: 0%
Estimated number of biological children belonging to "Russian Elon Musk" Pavel Durov, who is now in custody in France on various charges: 100
Age of Leonard Riggio—who turned Barnes & Noble into a book selling empire—when he died this week: 83
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Aiyeeeeee! Three-headed woozle monster…
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CHEERS to rational exuberance. Team Biden-Harris has been working mighty hard to right the economy and get America moving again after the disastrous Previous Guy years. And despite being a country with one of the largest populations of whiners on the planet, We The People have decided we can no longer deny it—Democrats have made life better in these United States:
American consumers felt more confident in August as their outlook for the future improved.
He’s handing off a solid economy to his Veep.
The Conference Board, a business research group, said Tuesday that its consumer confidence index rose to 103.3 in August from 101.9 in July. The index measures both Americans’ assessment of current economic conditions and their outlook for the next six months.
The measure of Americans’ short-term expectations for income, business and the job market rose to 82.5. July’s figure was revised up to 81.1 from its initial reading of 78.2, ending a five-month stretch below 80. A reading under 80 can signal a potential recession in the near future.
Consumers’ view of current conditions rose to 134.4 in August from 133.1 last month.
It should be noted that the latest report is better than what the experts predicted (again). Democrats hailed the news as proof that Joe's anti-trickle-down policies are working. Republicans called for the immediate impeachment of consumer confidence.
CHEERS and JEERS to feeling the wind in your hair. Thanks to whoever had the audacity to—against our explicit instructions, mind you—blink on Memorial Day, we find ourselves a millisecond later on the doorstep of Labor Day. (I hope you're happy, mystery blinker.) If you'll be ridin' the roads or the rails or the unfriendly skies this weekend, here's the annual outlook from the looker-outers at Triple-A:
According to AAA booking data, overall domestic travel over Labor Day weekend is up 9% compared to last year, while the cost to travel domestically is down 2%.
Seattle is the number one Labor Day weekend destination, up nearly 30% from last year when it also topped the list. Anchorage and Juneau are also on the top ten list of Labor Day destinations. Other top Labor Day destinations include Orlando, New York, Boston, Las Vegas, Denver, Chicago, and San Francisco.
Ugh...holiday travel is the pits.
Travelers taking road trips should expect to pay less for gas compared to last year. The national average over Labor Day weekend in 2023 was $3.81. In recent weeks, gas prices have remained steady, hovering around $3.50.
INRIX, a provider of transportation data and insights, says car travelers should avoid the afternoon and early evening hours of Thursday and Friday, as those times will be the most congested.
And don’t forget, kids: no matter how you get from Point A to Point B, "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" is still your parents' faaaaavorite traveling song, so be sure to sing it often and all the way through!
JEERS to furry ambushes. 45 years ago this week, in 1979, President Jimmy Carter was attacked by a 20-foot tall rabbit with laser eyes and a grenade in each paw! Or…not:
Carter was alone in a small fishing boat when a swamp rabbit, a species of large cottontail, began swimming toward his boat.
Carter vs. wascally wabbit
He turned the frightened and agitated rabbit away with a paddle.
Several months later he jokingly mentioned it to press secretary Jody Powell, who repeated it offhandedly to a reporter. To Powell's horror, The Washington Post headlined "President Attacked by Rabbit." Carter was lampooned by turns as crazy, weak, and ineffective.
It was a low-water mark for shoddiness in journalism. Or as Fox News would call it: a high-water mark for excellence in journalism.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to flappin' yer gums. Sixty-seven years ago today, South Carolina "Dixiecrat" Senator Strom Thurmond ended his over-24-hour filibuster—yeah, a real, honest-to-god talkfest—against the Civil Rights Act of 1957. Some interesting tidbits from Business Insider on how it went down:
» Thurmond took a steam bath earlier in the day to rid his body of excess liquid. This avoided the potential for any "accidents" in the chamber.
One of the racist conservatives who fled in disgust to the Republican party when Democrats embraced equality.
» He went to the floor armed with cough drops and malted milk tablets.
» He allowed others to make short remarks and ask questions during his time, allowing him to sneak off to the cloakroom to gobble a sandwich.
» He had his aide wait in the cloakroom with a pail when he was about to step down from the dais in case of an emergency evacuation.
» Thurmond read, verbatim, the voting laws of each one of the 48 states. He read the U.S. criminal code. He read a Supreme Court decision, followed by more laws. A friend brought him a glass of orange juice.
The good news: the bill passed anyway and Eisenhower signed it. The bad news: Thurmond got his voice back.
JEERS to the fog of war. Here's the latest on the big conflict everyone’s talking about. There's chaos and confusion and attacks, and everybody's yelling orders and instructions. "Do this!" "Do that!" "Do it over here!" "No, do it over there!" Even more attacks are likely for the foreseeable future. They may even intensify as more and more snipers come out of the woodwork to inflict more damage, doing little but adding to the mayhem for a few pieces of silver from their evil, scheming overlords. But enough about the media's treatment of Kamala Harris’s interview schedule. I hear the Russia-Ukraine war is still going on, too.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 29, 2014
JEERS to what goes on behind closed doors. Ick, ick, ick. You know that Republicans attending the Koch brothers' annual retreat are going to do a lot of ass kissing and boot licking, but to actually see and hear what they're saying is a futile exercise in gag-reflex restraint. Guess who said this:
"I assure you that in the spending bill we will be pushing back against this bureaucracy by doing what’s called placing riders in the bill: No money can be spent to do this or to do that. We’re going to go after them on health care, on financial services, on the Environmental Protection Agency, across the board. And we’re not going to be debating all these gosh darn proposals. That’s all we do in the Senate is vote on things like raising the minimum wage."
If you said Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell, congratulations! Reward yourself with health insurance, clean water, fresh air, and protection from investment vultures…before it's too late.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to . Holy moley, I did it again: I sat through a You Tube ad. Crazy, huh? Well, not really, considering it's delivered by Randy Rainbow moments before he launches into his newest parody song that warbles into stark relief the weird, weird world of JD Vance. Ladies and germs, I give you JD, JD...
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And coming soon to serenade Trump’s latest loser surrogate RFK Jr.: Is That A Chemtrail in Your Pocket or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“I try not to be judgmental on people, but when I see a well-tended Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool, it says a lot about somebody.”
—Gov. Tim Walz
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