The State of the Race
A little Thursday morning wackiness courtesy of the Lincoln Project, channeling its inner Marlin Perkins/Jim Fowler (kids: ask your parents)...
-
I hope senior Trump adviser RFK Jr. doesn’t see this. We all know what he likes to do with roadkill.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, September 5, 2024
Note: NFL season starts today as the Ravens play the Chiefs. I believe that's your cue to start tap dancing with sparklers. Or something.
-
By the Numbers:
2 days!!!
Days 'til the Harris-Trump debate: 5
Days 'til the Doc Holliday BBQ Festival in Griffin, Georgia: 2
Percent of U.S. power outages from 2000 to 2023 that were caused by weather events: 80%
Average amount Americans are paying per month in utility bills: $300
Percent by which this month's supermoon will appear larger than usual on the 17th: 14%
Expected legal wagers on NFL games this season: $35 billion
Value of Trump Media stock on Tuesday, down from a high of $79: $17
-
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
What do you mean, you don't like George W. Bush's foreign policy?
He's met twice now with Puddin' of Russia; he went to the G-8 deal and only one guy got killed; he met with the Popester, a rockin' guy, and didn't object that His Holiness was wearin' some kind of A-rab robe with a Jew-boy hat. Or even that His Holiness kept lookin' at his shoes while they talked about stemming cell phone research, or something. Karl told George W. he needed the Catholic vote, so Bush called the Popester "Sir." But he didn't refer to anyone in Italy as a wop.
So what if Puddin' liked the sport-fucker? Bush is in way over his head. Foreign policy is where the mule throwed Russell. It's worse than collectin' pick-up sticks with your butt cheeks.
—September 2001
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: We'll do our best…
-
CHEERS to ketchup-stained walls at dawn. The news just keeps getting better and better for Team Harris-Walz-BillinPortlandMaine. The more voters of all stripes see of us (I always wear my frilly best), the more they like us. USA Today posted this excuse to happy dance yesterday:
Low income voters—those making less than $20,000—now support Harris over former President Donald Trump, 58% to 35%, the biggest jump among all groups, according to the poll. It is a reversal from June when Trump, at 39%, was three points ahead of Biden, at 36% with voters of this economic group.
The dynamic’est of duos.
Overall, Harris leads Trump, 48% to 43%, according to the poll, which has a margin of error of 3.1%.
Aside from low-income voters, Harris is also popular among moderate-income voters, those who make less than $50,000. With this group, Harris leads Trump by three points, 47% to 44%,according the poll.
Not to be outdone, later today the Trump campaign will announce that their support is 100 percent among billionaires who collect Nazi place settings, and the Supreme Court justices who love them.
JEERS to yet another fearless prediction. The monthly jobs report for August will drop on our collective doorstep Friday morning. If it's positive, the media will devote their usual perfunctory 15 seconds to it during their evening newscasts. If it's less than stellar, then ZOMG HOW CAN KAMALA HARRIS POSSIBLY WIN NOW THAT THE BOTTOM HAS DROPPED OUT AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE?!!! So stick a pin in that and we'll—as all the cool executives say—circle back to that. Meanwhile, here's what dropped yesterday:
The Labor Department reported Wednesday that there were 7.7 million open jobs in July, down from 7.9 million in June. The pace of hiring picked up, though, from June to July.
Still more job openings than people looking.
Wednesday's figures indicate that fewer companies are seeking to add workers despite recent data showing that consumer spending is still growing. Last week, the government estimated that the economy expanded at a healthy 3% annual rate in the April-June quarter.
The number of job openings has been trending gradually down over the past year. Yet there are still roughly 1.1 job openings for every unemployed person, Wednesday’s report showed.
The openings that only qualify as .1 of a job? Political consultants.
CHEERS to winning a war on terrorism. On September 5, 1996, Muslim extremist Ramzi Yousef and two other thugs who masterminded the 1993 World Trade Center bombing (and planned to blow up some U.S. airliners), were sent to tiny, windowless cells for the rest of eternity. But...but...how could that be? I mean, using law-enforcement to crack the case and arrest the evildoers instead of using bunker busters and declaring World War III and opening a gulag at Gitmo for enemy combatants? I gotta lie down...this is blowing my tiny chickenhawk mind.
-
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
JEERS to today's lame game. This is more of a timely reminder than anything, really. The object is simple: guess which progressive Democrat said these things about the 45th president's theft of classified documents from the United States government, a crime for which he remains un-convicted:
"Enforce all laws concerning the protection of classified information. No one will be above the law."
"One of the first things we must do is to enforce all classification rules and to enforce all laws relating to the handling of classified information."
Pulled out of the Mar-A-Lago bathroom towel dispenser.
"Any government employee who engaged in this kind of behavior would be barred from handling classified information."
"That is the most confidential stuff. Classified. That's classified. You go to prison when you release stuff like that."
"Classified information; he should go to jail for that for many, many years."
"He must pay a very big price for this, as others have before him. This should never to happen again!!!"
Ha! Fooled ya! Those were all said by the 45thpresident—a MAGA Republican—between 2016 and 2020. And you know what? I suggest we listen to him. That'll teach that evil, document-stealing 45th president to mess around with the no-nonsense, justice-dispensing 45th president.
JEERS to today's edition of Yeah, And Godzilla Promised Not To Stomp On Tokyo. Courtesy of NBC News:
A Japanese steelmaker seeking to acquire U.S. Steel said Wednesday that U.S. citizens would make up the majority of the board of directors, as the $15 billion proposal faces mounting political opposition ahead of the U.S. election in November. […]
The company also previously said there would be no layoffs or plant closures as a result of the deal, which was announced last December.
This has been today's edition of Yeah, And Godzilla Promised Not To Stomp On Tokyo.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: September 5, 2014
CHEERS to 'avin a spot 'o tea wif' da guv'nuh. Having gotten bored watching Vladimir Putin paint himself into a corner through binoculars in Estonia, President Obama jetpacked off to jolly old Britain, where he'll re-declare our independence, master a few silly walks, and then he's got some attending to do:
» Attend an event with Prime Minister David Cameron.
» Attend a NATO Summit Session on Afghanistan.
» Attend a NATO Summit meeting of the NATO-Ukraine Commission.
» Attend a NATO Summit working dinner to discuss security challenges.
Meanwhile, closer to home, Vice President Joe Biden said in Portsmouth that we're all going to chase ISIS to the gates of Hell. So, everyone here, please check your day planners for next Tuesday morning around 10'ish. If that's not convenient, send him a Joemail and they'll juggle.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to yankin' 'n bankin'. The NSA has been keeping a close eye (and ear) on the Tooth Fairy, given her socialist/communist tendency to buy off children's loyalty with free money in exchange for little more than nuggets of calcium and enamel. Via their secret front-group Delta Dental, they've tabulated what kids get when they lose a tooth, and these days the Tooth Fairy leaves a tad under six bucks. Meanwhile, when an adult loses a tooth the dentist leaves a bill just a tad over six Mercedes payments.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“Most people who have never tried the Cheers and Jeers lifestyle before believe it to be inappropriate or scandalous, which is totally incorrect. Once they try it out, then they understand what kiddie pool splashing is all about.”
—Austin Redgrave
-
