Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day
Once again we're thankful, and rather awestruck, by what he accomplished for Black America—and, consequently, all of America—in his way-too-short life. He was flawed, as all humans are. But he had that stubborn 'ol dream. And come hell or high water (or fire hoses or guns or nightsticks or jail time or whatever else the racists could throw at the movement, which they still do) he refused to shut up and sit down, or match violence with violence. Take note, all you insurrection-fomenting nitwits:
"When evil men plot, good men must plan. When evil men burn and bomb, good men must build and bind. When evil men shout ugly words of hatred, good men must commit themselves to the glories of love. Where evil men would seek to perpetuate an unjust status quo, good men must seek to bring a real order of justice."
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“Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.”
With LBJ at the signing of the Civil Rights Act of 1964
"Non-violence is a powerful and just weapon which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals."
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“The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.”
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"Morals can’t be legislated, but behavior can be regulated. The law cannot make an employer love me, but it can keep him from refusing to hire me because of the color my skin."
As fate would have it, King and I coexisted on this tiny blue speck in the middle of nowhere, if only for three-and-a-half years. The older I get the cooler that fact gets. So I’ve retroactively put it on my bucket list and crossed it off. Sue me.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, January 20, 2025
Note: Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
(You may interpret the above comment to suit your personal viewpoint.)
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By the Numbers:
8 days!!!
Days 'til the midterm elections: 651
Days 'til the 78th Holtville Carrot Festival in California: 8
Increase in U.S. production in December: 0.9%
Estimated retail sales in December, up 4% from a year ago: $729 billion
Number of non-violent drug offenders pardoned by President Biden Friday: 2,500
Number of presidents who have issued more pardons than Biden: 0
Age of director David Lynch when he died last week: 78
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Redeeming the coupon for one free sitting at Glamour Shots…
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CHEERS to nimble fingers vs. fumble fingers. I don’t know if you're emotionally prepared for what I'm about to tell you. But told you must be. So take a deep breath, count to ten, say 150 Hail Marys, graduate from flight school, become a senator, win a Grammy Award, place a nitroglycerin tablet under your tongue, and then, assuming you feel up to the brain-altering revelation that awaits, behold the information that will change the world if only you'll let it:
The Kansas City Chiefs beat the Houston Texans 23 to 14
The Washington Commanders beat the Detroit Lions 45 to 31
Quarterback Tinkles was given a five-game suspension for attempting to deflate the football.
The Philadelphia Eagles beat the Los Angeles Rams 28 to 22
The Buffalo Bills beat the Baltimore Ravens 27 to 25
Happily, the results began a process of cosmic mutation so intense that every planet throughout the known galaxies will soon become habitable for human civilization. Sadly, the above results had no effect on the price of eggs.
JEERS to going dark. It happened. Thanks to Chinese spying on TikTok, the Chinese-run app has ceased to function in the U.S. because of a deadline "passed overwhelmingly by Congress" and "upheld on Friday by a unanimous Supreme Court." So, for the foreseeable future:
☹ No tikking
☹ No tokking
☹ No Tik-Tokking
☹ All clocks that go "tik tok" must be silenced
❀ Clocks that go "tick tock" are still okay
☹ No more white supremacist TiKKK-ToKKK barn dances or cross burnings
☹ No more chewing bubble gum
☹ No running in the hallways
❀ Running with scissors is now mandatory
Tik-Tok users who are experiencing severe hardship due to the ban can drop by RFK Jr.'s station wagon in Central Park from 3 'til 7 for a free chunk of delicious roadkill.
P.S. Some people say TikTok has been restored. Others disagree. And we’re out of time so we’ll have to leave it there.
CHEERS to small town celebrations. On January 20, 1981, 52 Americans held hostage in Iran for 444 days were finally freed. One of them, Bert Moore, lived in my hometown—Mt. Vernon, Ohio—and his son was in my class. As Rachel Maddow reminded us recently, President James Earl Carter—NOT President Ronald F*cking Reagan—was responsible for negotiating the deal, and flew to Germany to welcome the hostages as they landed. I love this pic:
Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter celebrate the news that the hostages will be released just minutes before Carter's presidency ends.
The homecoming celebration for Bert Moore at our high school gymnasium (I played baritone horn on 'Tie A Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree' as Senators John Glenn and Howard Metzenbaum tapped their toes in approval) was Americana personified. Some days you just never forget.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to good spelling. On this date in 1955, three years after Macy's made it a household name in America, Scrabble made its debut in Australia and the UK. If what I read is correct, the highest scoring word if you hit all the right bonus squares is still "sesquioxidizing." Meanwhile my highest-scoring word while sober is still "cow.”
JEERS to moguls among the moguls. I know what you're saying. You're saying, "Hey Billeh, I heard that the World Economic Forum in Davos is happening this week. Do you know anything about this consequential world event?"
If you ever travel to Switzerland, wear safety goggles around the Matterhorn. That thing could poke your eye out.
Oh…you mean the confab in swanky Switzerland where the perfectly manicured, pedicured, furriered, botoxed, and mansculpted ultra-rich fly in on their private jets and, after finishing their champagne and zipping their flies, get whisked in limos to the Ritz, gorge on gourmet food, drink $500 bottles of wine out of ladies' shoes, shuss the slopes in $10,000 designer skiwear, party the night away with the finest prostitutes money can buy, and make back-slapping backroom deals that bulldoze more money into their off-the-books Caribbean accounts, all while pretending to care about the climate crisis and the poor, as Tom Friedman spins folksy firsthand yarns about the unexpected geopolitical insights of Swiss taxi drivers in his beloved New York Times? You mean that World Economic Forum in Davos? Sorry. Never heard of it.
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 20, 2015
JEERS to the yakkers on the other team. Considering how Republicans like to be seen as the strong, silent type, they sure plan on delivering a lot of whiny rebuttals to President Obama's State of the Union address tonight:
10pm Official rebuttal by Sen. Joni Ernst (R-IA)
10:30pm Tea Party rebuttal by Rep. Curt Clawson (R-FL)
11:00pm Global Warming Denier rebuttal by Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK), who will just stand outside, stare at the camera and make shivering noises.
11:03pm: Sarah Palin You Tube rebuttal by Sarah Palin. (Behind $5 paywall)
Midnight Ronald Reagan séance hologram rebuttal.
12:20am A reading of selected Fox News transcripts about Benghazi by Darrel Issa (R-CA)
Three Days Later The 2016 presidential candidates gather in a room to deliver the final rebuttal as a show of party unity, and end up spending an hour throwing chairs at each other.
You can watch them all on the We're So Broke We Have Nothing To Lose By Airing This Crap On Our Channel Channel.
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And just one more…
Due to the Martin Luther King Jr. Day holiday,
today's "Just One More" feature is closed.
If we catch you climbing over the
velvet rope, you are
so grounded,
bub.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Turtles can be found anywhere, from local ponds and the deep, blue sea to the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool.
—USA Today
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