As Joe Rides Off Into the Sunset…
Instead of the Very Bad Man (VBM) who took over the job, we take a moment to leave Joe Biden's most important action items from his farewell address here at the top of today's C&J, where we know we'll always have them archived for future reference:
✎ Americans are being buried under an avalanche of misinformation and disinformation enabling the abuse of power. The free press is crumbling. Editors are disappearing. Social media is giving up on fact-checking. The truth is smothered by lies told for power and for profit. We must hold the social platforms accountable to protect our children, our families, and our very democracy from the abuse of power.
✎ [U] nless safeguards are in place, AI could spawn new threats to our rights, our way of life, to our privacy, how we work, and how we protect our nation. We must make sure AI is safe and trustworthy and good for all humankind.
✎ We need to get dark money that’s hidden funding behind too many campaigns’ contributions—we need to get it out of our politics.
✎ We need to enact an 18-year term limit and the strongest ethics reforms for our Supreme Court.
✎ We need to amend the Constitution to make clear that no president is immune from crimes that he or she commits while in office. The president’s power is limited---it’s not absolute, and it shouldn’t be.
✎ And in a democracy, there’s another danger to the concentration of power and wealth. It erodes a sense of unity and common purpose. It causes distrust and division. Participating in our democracy becomes exhausting and even disillusioning, and people don’t feel like they have a fair shot. But we have to stay engaged in the process.
And free eggs and gas for everyone. He forgot that but I'm sure he meant to include it.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 21, 2025
Note: Today is Squirrel Appreciation Day. This site recommends that you dress up your dog like a squirrel. I would add: only if you have a death wish.
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By the Numbers:
4 days!!!
Days 'til Chocolate Cake Day: 6
Days 'til the Cordova Iceworm Festival in Alaska: 4
Percent of U.S. adults polled by Gallup who believe that Christian pastors are highly honest and ethical, a record low: 30%
Percent who believe auto mechanics and judges, respectively, are highly honest and ethical: 33%, 28%
Expected wind chill in Minneapolis today: -30F
Rough time it takes for frostbite to set in at that temperature: 5-7 minutes
Amount of rye whiskey produced by the distillery at George Washington's Mount Vernon estate in 1799, which produced a profit f $7,500: 11,000 gallons
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Only two months 'til spring. Click for a preview…
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CHEERS to Biden's List. Sad to say, it was necessary for the last pre-fascism U.S. president to add a layer of protection for the patriots who helped hold the MAGA cult accountable for their stupidity, crimey business, and cruelty. And while folks are divided, I think he did the right thing:
President Joe Biden on Monday issued preemptive pardons to potential targets of the incoming Trump administration, including Dr. Anthony Fauci, retired Gen. Mark Milley and lawmakers who served on the House Jan. 6 Committee. […]
In addition to a preemptive pardon, Dr. Fauci was also issued a regular pardon because of all those banks he robbed.
Milley, who retired as chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in 2023, has long been a target of Republican attacks over the withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan. Fauci, the former director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, has been a lightning rod for criticism over the federal government's response to the coronavirus pandemic. […]
Harry Dunn, a former Capitol Police officer, said he was "eternally grateful" to Biden for the action but also for his leadership. "I wish this pardon weren't necessary, but unfortunately, the political climate we are in now has made the need for one somewhat of a reality.
Despite lots of pleas in smoke-filled back rooms and the mean streets of America's seamy underbelly, I refused to accept a preemptive pardon for two reasons. 1) I ain't 'a scared of those red-hatted ninnies, and 2) I know beyond all doubt that if someone comes for me, you, my faithful C&J readers, will throw your bodies in front of me while I jettison my escape pod. And for that I thank you. Just remember to toss some Doritos and Mountain Dew into the pod or your selfless act won't count. (I don’t make up the rules, I just live by 'em, folks.)
CHEERS to peace in the Middle East. As one of his last official acts as president, Joe Biden got done what everyone said he couldn't: he went 24 hours without downing a quart of ice cream. No, wait! That was the other thing. The main thing he did was broker the cease fire agreement that the entire world said would get him his Nobel Peace Prize if only he could get it done:
“After so much pain, destruction and loss of life, today the guns in Gaza have gone silent,” Biden said.
The got-it-done president. Godspeed, buddy.
Thirty-three Israeli hostages are set to be released in the initial six-week pause in hostilities, along with hundreds of Palestinian prisoners. And negotiations on the cease-fire’s next phase will take place in the coming weeks.
That, Biden said, is the Trump administration’s job. “It now falls to the next administration to help implement this deal,” Biden cautioned.
[Sigh] Well, it was fun while it lasted.
JEERS to John Q. Corporation: Super Citizen!!! Fifteen years ago today, five conservative activist judges on the Supreme Court delivered their verdict on our system of government: it's for sale to the highest bidder.
Boy, the one-percenters sure got their money’s worth outta these guys. (Is Justice Alito ever NOT coked up?)
Citizens United is now a four-letter two words to anyone who values clean and fair campaign financing. But we now know that there's a rather sizable silver lining in the wake of that decision. Those idiot Justices, who agreed that "corporations are people," pissed off so many people that the billionaires and their Super PAC lapdogs got run over by a grassroots stampede in 2012 and subsequent elections.
Money is still huge and often decisive, hence the need to do something to curb the tidal wave of cash. But it's not a bell that automatically makes us drool over a candidate when the remaining Koch brother rings it. Unless, I concede, the candidate's name is Bucket O. Ribs.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to helpful notices. If you have health insurance through the federal exchange, here's something we got this week in our inbox, courtesy of the Federal Ministry of Death Panels:
Keep an eye on your mail in the coming weeks! If you or anyone in your household enrolled in a health plan through the Health Insurance Marketplace in 2024, you’ll get Form 1095-A—Health Insurance Marketplace Statement.
“How in the HELL did your father manage to build a model ship in there?”
The 1095-A provides information you’ll need to complete your Federal income tax returns. Keep it with your important tax records, like the W-2 you get from your employer. And later this month, you can also get a copy of your 1095-A by logging into your Marketplace account on HealthCare.gov.
They also say you can go to healthcare.gov/taxes for more info. As an incentive, everyone who completes and returns their taxes with no errors will receive a coupon redeemable for tossing one grandma off a cliff without a copay. As always—thanks, Obama!
CHEERS to the #1 story of 2025 so far. Blessed be! Baby Jesus heard my prayers (and only my prayers, so don’t be trying to take credit for my hard work of putting my hands together and mumbling) and delivered Maine from the scourge of bare ground:
Some communities in Maine received half a foot of snow or more during a winter storm that stretched from Sunday night into Monday morning.
“Whee!!!”
—Pierre
The Portland Jetport reported a snowfall total of 6.4 inches. Elsewhere in Cumberland County, the coastal community of Falmouth saw 5.5 inches of snow while North Sebago, which is further inland, received 3 inches.
It's our first significant snowfall of the season. To celebrate, we bundled up and, following tradition, joined our neighbors outside with shovels to grumble about how we're getting too old for this shit. It was glorious.
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 21, 2015
CHEERS to missionary positions. Pope Francis is in the news again. On his way back from Asia he told reporters that Catholics no longer have to breed like rabbits. His exact words: "This is the twenty-first century, so let's call it what it is: humping like bunnies." Back in Rome, Benedict quietly slipped a nitroglycerin tablet under his tongue.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a life well lived. Sorry to report that Cecile Richards, former Planned Parenthood president (2006-2018) and daughter of former Texas Governor Ann Richards, died yesterday morning. Effing cancer. Whenever the cultists on the other side went after abortion rights, Cecile was always right there on the front lines, deftly pushing back. To honor her family’s wishes, we give her the last word:
“It’s not hard to imagine future generations one day asking: ‘When there was so much at stake for our country, what did you do?’ The only acceptable answer is: ‘Everything we could.’”
She was 67. Way, way, way too young.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Ilana Glazer’s 3-Year-Old Daughter Has Strong Opinions About Bill in Portland Maine's Hair: ‘Take It Down! Zhuzh It!’
—People
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