Time to Update the DK Ukraine Relief Tote Board
It’s been a few weeks since we checked in on the fund set up to help some specific relief agencies in Ukraine. As Zelenskyy’s military forces continue holding their own against Putin’s (and Kim Jong Un’s) goons, the need for basic survival essentials—food, medical care, housing, education, financial aid, and animal rescue resources—remains for Ukraine’s civilians. And so far you’ve helped raise...
$3,900,743.56
...and that ain’t chump change. If you'd like to support the chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, and Razom for Ukraine—click here and ActBlue will help you take care of the rest. Thanks for your ongoing support in helping the Ukrainians fulfill their mission to humiliate the big dumb bully to the east while saving their country. Maybe once they’ve dispatched Russia, they can help us save ours.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 28, 2025
Note: The legality of this note is in question as it is currently the subject of a multi-state lawsuit. Don’t go near it unless you’ve got one hand on your wallet. —Constable Billeh
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By the Numbers:
4 days!!!
Days 'til Extraterrestrial Culture Day: 14
Days 'til Hudson Valley Wingfest 18 in Poughkeepsie: 4
Expected increase in egg prices in 2025 because God is punishing Americans for voting Trump-Vance into office: 20%
Percent chance the American conservative Christian evangelical movement could use prayer to lower egg prices but they choose not to because there's no money in it for them: 100%
Number of shots the Nashville school shooter got off in 17 seconds from his 9mm pistol last Wednesday, killing one student and injuring another: 10
Percent chance that the anti-Semitic shooter was influenced by online Nazi-loving freak Candace Owens: 100%
Expected size of the harvest from Maine's first commercial chaga medicinal mushroom farm when it matures in 3½ years: 350,000 pounds
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Puppy Pic of the Day: "Is this seat taken???"
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JEERS to waking and shaking. Today’s not-so-secret mystery word is: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
A 3.8 magnitude earthquake struck off the coast of New England on Monday morning with shaking felt in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, and an hour away in Boston.
The quake was centered 10 kilometers southeast of York Harbor, Maine.
It was a harrowing and deeply traumatic experience for me. Please send me enough money so I can buy a collection of priceless Hummel figurines, lovingly place them on a shelf, violently knock them all off, blame it on the earthquake, and then collect the insurance money after over-inflating their value by 500 percent. If we all pull together, we'll make it through this. P.S. No crypto, please.
CHEERS to Captain Hero Man! I'm sorry, people, but when you're right, you're right. And President Trump—BLESSINGS AND PRAISE BE UPON HIM AND THE BURDEN HE SHOULDERS FOR US ALL!!!!!—is right about the California wildfires. From yesterday's press conference:
"I was told by very many people—smart people, the smartest, even smarter, they say, than Lincoln, who was very smart—that fires need oxygen to be fires, and without oxygen they can't be fires anymore. I've always said that oxygen was part of the 'woke mind virus,' and I think these very smart people, which you in the press refuse to talk about, are the solution to all the problems with the fires.
So today I am signing an executive order that says: 'The Secretary of the Interior and the Secretary of Commerce shall immediately take actions to override existing activities that unduly burden efforts to minimize oxygen deliveries.' The oxygen must be stopped. No more oxygen means no more fires.’
I'm also extending this order to restrict oxygen in the other blue states. DOGE director Leon Musk will use his resources to build a giant vacuum to clean up all the oxygen. But not like the space vacuum cleaner you saw in Spaceballs because I'm told that was just a movie, which was news to me, so I'm also issuing an executive order calling on the destruction of every print of Spaceballs, a film with a woke Marxist agenda that has treated me very unfairly.
The red states, which work hard—so hard, only the hardest—every day to make America great again, may keep their oxygen.”
What did we ever do to deserve him? Besides losing our f*cking marbles, I mean.
CHEERS to the first ringy-dingy. On January 28, 1878, the commercial telephone switchboard made its national debut in New Haven, Connecticut. The first customers were Amanda Hugginkiss, I.P. Freely and Seymour Butz. We hear the first operator lasted a whole five minutes.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to premature descents. On January 28, 1986—good lord, 39 years ago—the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded 73 seconds after liftoff, killing all seven crew members, including civilian teacher Christa McAuliffe. I'm guessing that if you were more than toddler-age, you remember exactly where you were when you heard about it. I was in the Otterbein College (Westerville, Ohio) campus center at 11:38am, and can still conjure up the queasy feeling that set in when I realized what had happened. A stunned crowd of students and faculty gathered around the big-screen TV and just...watched. Lest we forget these were the heroes on board that day:
Teacher-in-Space Christa McAuliffe and astronauts Gregory Jarvis, Judith Resnik, Mission Commander Dick Scobee, astronaut Ronald McNair, pilot Mike Smith, and astronaut Ellison Onizuka.
Today folks from the Challenger Center and elsewhere, along with family members of the crew, will commemorate the tragedy, starkly reminding the world that it takes off-the-charts courage, brains and skill to put yourself through the rigors of space flight. Which pretty much explains why I blog for a living.
CHEERS to lollipops and good wishes. I read yesterday that New York City mayor Eric Adams is undergoing a battery of medical tests to determine why "he hasn't been feeling his best." Apparently his staff became concerned when they discovered that the mayor was engaged in an official activity that didn't involve corruption. He was given fluids and a Get Out of Jail Free card, and doctors say if all goes well he'll be taking unauthorized luxury trips and raiding city employee pension funds by tomorrow morning.
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 28, 2015
JEERS to the right-wing cover-up cover-up. Benghazi is on nobody's mind these days, but that's not stopping Republicans from charging ahead with their sham "select" committee hearings. And since this is just a dog-and-pony show, committee chairman Trey Gowdy has no interest in playing by his own rules, says David Corn:
Democrats on the House Select Committee on Benghazi have hit Gowdy with a sharp charge: that he and his Republican investigators have conducted secret meetings with witnesses without informing their Democratic colleagues on the committee. And they say that some of these interviews have yielded information that undercuts anti-Obama Benghazi allegations promoted by conservatives. In other words, the Democrats are suggesting that Gowdy has been mounting a Benghazi cover-up of his own.
Gowdy says he's completely innocent, he hasn’t been out in the back yard burying bodies, and he's just holding this bloody shovel for a friend.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Great Moments in Stinkola. A rare corpse flower named “Smelliot” bloomed over the weekend at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. Everyone was excited...
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They say it only puts on a show like this once every three-to-five years, and when it does it looks impressive but smells like death. Republicans say they plan to sue Smelliot for stealing their act without permission.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“I have just moved to South Carolina, and there’s a Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool that’s not that far away that I think I might start going to, but right now I’m not.”
—Andie MacDowell
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