Before We Move On...
Tying up a loose end from the dearly-departed year 2024, here’s a recap of some of our C&J poll results from the fourth quarter. It gives the world a moment to pause and collectively marvel at the sound judgment and brainpower on display here at the Great Orange Satan:
✔ 87 percent of you definitely consider Jimmy Carter's to be the most impressive post-presidency of all our 46 chief executives. Another 12 percent voted “lean yes.”
✔ 83 percent support President Biden's decision to allow Ukraine to use longer-range weapons against Russia
✔ 96 percent of you were not surprised to learn that Trump put Russia first by secretly sending covid test machines that were scarce here to Vladimir Putin in 2020 for his own personal use.
All of our poll results are double-checked by the world-famous Hinkelmeijer triplets in real time using the latest accordio-tabulation technology.
✔ 35 percent believe it will take less than 24 hours for the next administration to loot the Treasury, while 56 percent say more than 24 but less than 48.
✔ 99 percent of you never use crypto to pay for stuff.
✔ 94 percent of you voted “Hell No” to the MAGA cult leadership's plan to siphon $100 billion of taxpayer money from the Treasury and use it as a bailout "backstop" for clueless Bitcoin owners.
✔ In terms of which device you use most often to get online, 34 percent use a laptop, 29 percent a desktop PC, 19 percent their phone, and 17 percent use a tablet.
✔ 77 percent were surprised by how fast the Syrian regime of al-Assad and his Russian and Iranian allies got booted from the country. 17 percent were not.
✔ Should members of Congress be allowed to trade stocks while in office? No, according to 98 percent of you.
✔ And 79 percent of you believe Mike Johnson’s reign as Speaker is nearing its sad, pathetic end.
Thank you for voting in our polls. And please continue. Scientific proof confirms it’s an excellent way to keep your distal phalanges from rusting.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, January 3, 2025
Note: Sunday is National Bird Day. Please...flip it responsibly.
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By the Numbers:
10 days!!!
Days 'til President Carter's state funeral: 6
Days 'til the Lafayette Oatmeal Festival in Colorado: 10
Current world population, according to the U.S. Census Bureau: 8.09 billion
Current U.S. population: 341 million
Dow Industrials on January 1, 2024 and January 1, 2025 respectively: 37,715 / 42,544
Percent of the books, films, songs, and art published in the 1920s that are in the public domain as of this year: 100%
Age of actress Linda “Alice” Lavin when she died this week: 87
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Puppy Pic of the Day: The mystery of one New Jersey drone is solved…
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CHEERS to the longer arm of the law. Low-wage earners up here in Maine have good reason to celebrate the new year: the minimum wage went up to $14.65 statewide, and here in Portland it’s 15.50 smackaroonies an hour. That's just one of the new laws that hit the books nationwide Wednesday morning. Some others, via NBC News:
» Illinois and California are enacting strong laws reining in AI, including a ban on “knowingly distributing audio- or visual-based digital replicas of individuals created through generative AI without their consent.”
Also: In 14 states the fine for wrecking public property while speeding in the new Tesla cybertank has been doubled to $100.
» Eight states (DE, IA, NE, NH, NJ, MD, MN and TN) now have stricter laws protecting consumers from the collection and use of their personal data by businesses. More such laws are expected to be passed in other states this year.
» In Florida, kids under 14 are banned from social media.
» Iowa has a new flat income tax rate of 3.8 percent, while Louisiana’s is set at 3 percent.
» Looking ahead a bit, starting in May you’ll need one of those silly “Real ID-compliant” driver’s licenses or ID cards to fly domestically.
There was also a new law enacted in Kentucky regarding the sale and regulation for medical purposes of the demon herb marijuana, vilified since the 1930s because of its evil propensity to—[Checks notes]—relax you, reduce nausea, and brighten your mood. For the love of god, please pray that the nation survives.
MEGA CHEERS to #39. With all the days off and holiday columns, we haven't had a chance to formally note that President Jimmy Carter died on December 29th, two months after both marking his 100thbirthday and crossing the last item—voting for Kamala Harris—off his bucket list. I was 12 and living in (then-West) Germany when he was elected. I remember the Jimmy grin, Amy, Billy (and his beer), Rosalynn, his mom Lilian, peanuts, gas lines, the Camp David Accords, not going to the 1980 Olympics, and that thick southern drawl.
Those were the days...
We moved back to Ohio just in time for the dad of one of my classmates at Mount Vernon High School to be taken hostage by the Iranians—a situation, we now know, itself taken hostage by Ronald Reagan and his Ayatollah-humping goons to win the election. And thus began Carter's post-presidency that in my opinion makes all the others pale in comparison. (Yeah, even you, Chief Justice Taft.) I don’t need to go into all he achieved because I'm educatedly guessing that it's baked into our collective DNA here at the Great Orange Satan.
As for his memorial schedule: events are scheduled in Georgia tomorrow through the 7th, after which his remains will be flown to D.C. to lie in state and receive a fond farewell Thursday at Washington National Cathedral. Then: back to Plains for a private service and burial next to Rosalynn at his farm.
And after all that, there’s one final bit of unfinished business: finding out on February 2nd if he’ll posthumously add a fourth Best Spoken Word Grammy Award to his haul (out of 10 nominations) for last Sundays in Plains: A Centennial Celebration. If I see his aura show up to make an acceptance speech, it can mean only one thing: time for me to enter rehab.
CHEERS to the original landlord of Middle Earth. Happy Birthday to J.R.R.Tolkien. The genius behind the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit turns 133 years old today. Or, to put it another way, that's just one year longer than the total running time of Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit movies. Minus the bathroom breaks.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the Last Frontier. On January 3rd, 1959, President Dwight Eisenhower signed a proclamation making Alaska (or, as we say in Maine: “Alasker”)—all 656,425 square miles of it—our 49th state. The word is Aleutian for "Great Land." The state flower is the forget-me-not, the state fish is the king salmon, and the state mammal is the bowhead whale. Here’s Ike unveiling the 49-star flag, which was used for only eight months before Hawaii added #50. I have to think that if you own one o’ these babies, you’re sittin’ on an Antiques Roadshow goldmine:
Meanwhile the Alaska state flag has eight stars. One for each Palin family brawl involving the cops.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Typical mid-winter weekend on the TV.
Or you can watch this instead. It’s purty.
If you’re still watching news, Chris Hayes and the MSNBC crew parse the latest Friday news dumps. You can catch a double episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway? at 9 on the CW, but not before joining me for live-skeeting the classic Star Trek episode The City on the Edge of Forever (8, H&I Network) at hashtag #allstartrek. (You’ll find me at BlueSky here.) On PBS’s Firing Line at 8:30, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt talks about the “great rewiring of childhood that is causing an epidemic of mental illness.”
The most popular movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NHL schedule is here, the NBA schedule is here, and the NFL schedule is here. SNL is a repeat of the Michael Keaton-hosted episode.
And Sunday’s highlight is the Umpteenth Golden Globe Awards (8pm, CBS), which I shall predict with pinpoint inaccuracy below.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Senators Chuck Schumer (D-NY), Adam Schiff (D-CA) and John Thune (Fascist-SD).
“The name’s Schiff. But you can call me Senator.”
This Week: Homeland Security director Alejandro Mayorkas; Rep. Michael McCaul (Fascist-TX); Brown University School of Public Health Dean Ashish Jha.
Face the Nation: Thune; Speaker Emerita Nancy Pelosi (D-CA); Reps. Mike Turner (Fascist-OH) and Jim Himes (D-CT); Trump’s border czar Og.
CNN's State of the Union: Senators Mark Kelly (D-AZ), Amy Klobuchar (D-MN), and Jim Banks (Fascist-IN).
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Senator Bill Cassidy (Fascist-LA); Rep. Adam Smith (D-WA).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 3, 2015
JEERS to doing the wrong kind of crunches during your workout. Senator Harry Reid is resting in pieces this morning as he recovers from broken ribs and facial bones he suffered while he was using a piece of exercise equipment that broke. But the good news is he didn't break his lower leg bone, thus avoiding a protracted fibulabuster.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the Night Of A Hundred Drunken Celebrities. As mentioned above, the 82nd Golden Globes will be handed out Sunday night. They tend to be a more raucous and goofy affair than the Oscars, mainly because the open bar starts ladling out the drinks at 8am. And even if you can't stand awards shows, it might be worth peeking at for comedian Nikki Glaser’s opener as host. You can peruse the nominations here. As usual, I haven’t seen many of the movies yet, but that's never stopped me from making dangerously uninformed predictions before. So here goes:
Picture (drama): The Brutalist
Picture (musical or comedy): Wicked
Director: Coralie Fargeat for The Substance
Just add alcohol.
Actress (drama): Kate Winslet for Lee
Actress (comedy): Cynthia Erivo for Wicked
Actor (drama): Ralph Fiennes for Conclave
Actor (comedy): Hugh Grant for Heretic
Supporting Actor: Denzel Washington for Gladiator II
Supporting Actress: Selena Gomez Randolph for Emilia Perez
TV Series (Drama): Shogun
TV Series (Comedy): The Bear
The Golden Globes are put on by the Foreign Press Association. Or as the red-hatted MAGA cultists call it: one more damn thing we need to build a wall around.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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