“Shave That Man!”
Via The Daily Show, the new Department of WAR! recruitment ad that has America’s top history class flunkers lining up to join the fight...
Have fun raking, guys.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, October 8, 2025
Note: Due to the government shutdown, the American astronauts at the International Space Station are no longer permitted to use the bathroom. We regret the inconvenience.
—NASA Administrator Sean Duffy, via Autopen
-
7 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next nationwide No Kings rallies: 10
Days 'til Ohio’s Circleville Pumpkin Show: 7
Percent of U.S. voters polled by NYT/Siena College who say they sympathize more with Palestinians than Israelis, versus 34% who sympathize with Israelis more: 35%
Number of previous times the poll has registered more support for Palestinians than Israelis since NYT/Siena started asking the question in 1998: 0
Percent of Americans polled by AP/NORC who say they always or often watch TV or movies with subtitles: 34%
Number of "sweaters you can wear anywhere this fall," according to CNN: 28
Age of primatologist Jane Goodall when she died last week: 91
-
Mid-week Rapture Index: 179 (including 5 Marks of the Beast and 1 Rapture prediction that has until midnight to come true). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: This one never gets old—baby masters the stairs
-
CHEERS to Infrastructure Week. Blah blah blah insurrection, blah blah blah government shutdown, blah blah blah grocery prices skyrocketing, blah blah blah flying is no longer safe, blah blah blah World War III is imminent, yeah yeah we know. WE KNOW!!! On the other hand, imagine being alive to witness this:
At the request of local fishermen, a new dock will be added to the Pine Point pier to help the Scarborough’s working waterfront.
The Town Council voted unanimously to approve up to $50,000 in funding for a new dock and support pile in the Scarborough River, as well as new ramp floats at the public boat ramp.
Simply awesome. We should be cautious, however, about what The Portland Press Herald writes about the ramps. I'm told their coverage is slanted.
CHEERS to the eggheads who walk among us. More hot scientist-on-scientist Nobel Prize action yesterday, this time from the physicists' playpen. An international trio gets a gift certificate from the Spiegel Catalog this year for, if I’m reading this correctly, setting the stage for the destruction of the human race:
The award was given to John Clarke [of Britain], Michel H. Devoret [of France] and John M. Martinis [American] for “experiments that revealed quantum physics in action,” the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences said. [...]
Clarke, Devoret, and Martinis, seen here in courtroom sketches from their trial for using quantum mechanics to hotwire Corvettes with their minds.
Speaking from his cellphone, Clarke added: “One of the underlying reasons that cellphones work is because of all this work.’’
The Nobel winners carried out experiments in the 1980s with an electronic circuit built of superconductors and demonstrated that quantum mechanics could also influence everyday objects under certain conditions. …
“It is wonderful to be able to celebrate the way that century-old quantum mechanics continually offers new surprises. It is also enormously useful, as quantum mechanics is the foundation of all digital technology,” said Olle Eriksson, chair of the Nobel Committee for Physics.
Despite the potential for the rise of the machines, the scientific community was united in praise for the brainpower that went into the discoveries made by this year’s winners. Well, almost. The guy who invented sharks with lasers is still sitting in his undersea lair going, "What does a demented genius have to do to get a little respect around here???”
CHEERS to civility. The "Complete Book of Etiquette" was first published 73 years ago today, on October 8, 1952. Lesson #1: Be nice to everyone. Lesson #2: If Lesson #1 doesn’t work, release the spike in the toe of your shoe and aim for the shins.
-
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
JEERS to Bovines of Mass Destruction. On October 8, 1871, the Great Chicago Fire broke out after Joe Biden kicked over a lantern onto a pile of bamboo fibers in Mrs. O'Leary's barn to try and incinerate damning evidence proving that George Soros created the Deep State to steal the 2020 election. Or, if you prefer the non-Newsmax version: it was a cow. Despite the horrific damage and loss of life, there was a bright side: the T-bones were excellent that night.
JEERS to today's edition of Oh Dear, Speaker Johnson Will Be Most Displeased. Very, very displeased...
Back in 2000, a Michigan entrepreneur named Ron DeHaas co-founded Covenant Eyes, an anti-porn internet accountability software program that has since grown to more than 2 million users. The idea, he said at the time, was to protect his teenage stepsons from sexual temptation online. Its effectiveness has been lauded by many, including Speaker of the House Rep. Mike Johnson.
But this past Aug. 13, one of those stepsons was arrested at a meeting spot in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where he thought he would find a 14-year-old girl interested in having sex with him. Instead, Thomas Wideman, 38, encountered officers from the Kent County Sheriff’s Office, including a female detective who had been posing as a teenage girl online.
This has been today's edition of Oh Dear, Speaker Johnson Will Be Most Displeased.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: October 8, 2015
JEERS to Reason #23,422 why people hate politicians. South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham has a message for his colleagues over federal relief money for the flooded parts of his state:
"Let's just get through this thing, and whatever it costs, it costs."
Of course, Lindsey. And we'll be happy to fork it over…just as soon as you submit your list of cuts in federal dollars coming into South Carolina to offset the relief money. (And no rounding up to the nearest dollar, you dirty tax-and-spend Marxist hippie.)
P.S. And now an actual liberal counterpoint: Give Lindsey his money. On the one hand, his constituents need it even though their senior senator is an asshole for nixing Hurricane Sandy relief in someone else's back yard but demanding a blank check (whatever it costs!) for Joaquin relief in his own. On the other hand, see the previous hand.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to good advice. Possibly the cutest story in American politics. 165 years ago this week, back in 1860, an eleven year-old girl named Grace Bedell put quill to parchment and suggested to candidate Abraham Lincoln that he might win the election more easily if he dropped the innocent boy-next-door look and whiskered up:
I have yet got four brothers and part of them will vote for you any way and if you let your whiskers grow I will try and get the rest of them to vote for you you would look a great deal better for your face is so thin.
A month after getting Grace Bedell's letter, Abe Lincoln turned Badass with both a new beard and Harley.
All the ladies like whiskers and they would tease their husbands to vote for you and then you would be President. My father is going to vote for you and if I was a man I would vote for you to but I will try to get every one to vote for you that I can.
As they say, the rest is history. By the way, during his presidency—you can look it up—Lincoln went through exactly four score and seven beard combs. Eerie.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Trump Sends Military To Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool. Uh Oh, They Got Kicked Out! Twice! Bye!
—Wonkette
-
