Noem survives trip to Portland—despite super scary graffiti sightings

Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem

President Donald Trump held one of his tinpot Cabinet meetings Thursday, where his loyalists performed various acts of obsequiousness. 

When it was Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem's turn to discuss her visit to war-torn Portland, she couldn’t offer up any evidence of crime other than some graffiti.

“[Mayor Keith Wilson] said that Portland was perfectly safe, a beautiful city, no problems. And I said, ‘well, why did you clear the streets for me today then, and build out a four-block radius to make sure I could get in and out of here?’” she said. “And these people on the streets screaming ‘Death to ICE.’ There's graffiti that says ‘Molotovs melt ICE,’ ‘We have the guillotines, we're going to use them.’"

Then Trump jumped in, making the most hypocritical comment about people attempting to overthrow the government—yes, really.

“It's like anarchists, you know, it's really different than a lot of the others,” he said. “This is a sick situation. But those are anarchists, those are people that want to overthrow government. They're really degenerates. And we're finding out who is supplying all of those beautiful signs and everything else.” 

Trump then promised to punish people for creating the protest signs that spooked Noem, perfectly in line with his ongoing efforts to undermine protest as a form of constitutionally protected speech.

The Trump administration has already attacked the judge who ruled against the invasion of Portland. And now it appears that graffiti is Trump’s new standard for declaring a national security emergency.