Tuesday Morning Vonnegut Blogging
Today is author, lecturer, and humanist Kurt Vonnegut’s 103rd birthday. In his memory, some bits of rhetorical Vonnegoodness, of which he left us a bountiful harvest...
✌ Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.’
✌ “As for preparing this country against an attack from anti-missile anti-missile anti-missiles by developing an anti-missile anti-missile anti-missile anti-missile, I may be in the minority, but I think the American people should spend the money on hospitals and housing and schools and Ferris wheels instead.”
✌ Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
“So it goes...”
✌ Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.
✌ "Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith. I consider the capacity for it terrifying."
✌ “A show of hands, please: How many of you have had a teacher at any stage of your education, from the first grade until this day in May, who made you happier to be alive, prouder to be alive, than you had previously believed possible? Good! Now say the name of that teacher to someone sitting or standing near you. All done? If this isn’t nice, what is?”
✌ “Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.”
✌ "There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization. If there are such things as angels, I hope that they are organized along the lines of the Mafia."
✌ No matter how corrupt, greedy, and heartless our government, our corporations, our media, and our religious and charitable institutions may become, the music will still be wonderful. If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: The Only Proof He Needed For The Existence Of God Was Music.
And, of course, my personal adopted motto:
✌ I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
Happy Birthday, Kurt. And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, November 11, 2025
Note: C&J is now taking pre-orders for the deluxe edition of today's column, which contains exclusive adjectives from Bill in Portland Maine's personal collection, plus real peanut butter and jelly smudges and a certificate of authenticity. To order yours, please send a new Mercedes convertible to his house, along with $5.95 to cover postage and handling. Allow 4-6 weeks for shipping. Money back if you're not delighted. But we get to keep the Mercedes as a “restocking fee.”
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By the Numbers:
4 days!!!
Days 'til the start of Hanukkah: 33
Days 'til Beignet Fest in New Orleans: 4
Minimum number of flights canceled Monday because of the Trump-Johnson-Thune shutdown: 1,600
Percent of all demographic groups that shifted left during the 2025 election: 100%
Median age of U.S. House members: 57.5
Median age of U.S. senators: 64.7
Percent of welders in the U.S. who are women: 5.5%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Future leader…
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CHEERS to our men and women in uniform. Today is Veterans Day. The memory of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (the latter mercifully ended by President Biden in 2021) have burned into this country's brain the fact that military service is a grueling, unpredictable and uncompromising challenge that often means paying a heavy and unexpected price in the pursuit of politician-selected goals that are not always noble or necessary. The military is where we go to become trained killers-of-bad-people and destroyer-of-bad-things in defense of our country, while at the same time serving as de facto U.S. ambassadors when we're on foreign turf. And while we could go on and on about how our armed forces have been kicking ass for over 249 years, we'll leave it, as always, at a simple…
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CHEERS to the big score. It was the savviest of deals: Democrats would agree to re-open the federal government, and in exchange the Republicans would do nothing, concede nothing, and grant nothing. But who can stay mad about that? Not me! Because thanks to the Big Tent party, we're all rich, rich I tell you…
Stocks rose in early trading on Monday after the Senate voted hours earlier to advance a potential deal on the government shutdown, which has weighed on economic output and cast uncertainty over markets for well over a month.
Pass the ketchup.
The Dow Jones Industrial Average jumped 240 points, or 0.5%,while the S&P 500 climbed 1%. The tech-heavy Nasdaq increased 1.6%. […] The S&P 500 has soared 14% in 2025, while the Dow has climbed10%. The Nasdaq has surged 19%.
I just checked my portfolio, and I now have ONE MILLION dollars in investment value. Which is good news, because I just checked my no-federal-support Obamacare premiums for next year and I now owe ONE MILLION dollars. And one cent. But who's counting?
CHEERS to the biggest loser. Kentucky clerk Kim Davis wanted to overturn marriage equality so badly that she went all the way to the Supreme Court, banged on their door at 3am, demanded they DO SOMETHING, and threatened to hold her breath until she turned blue. What happened next will shock you:
Without comment, the justices rejected an appeal brought by Kim Davis, a former county clerk in Kentucky who was sued in 2015 for refusing to issue marriage licenses because of her opposition to same-sex marriage based on her religious beliefs.
Lady, do you look pretty stupid now.
Her office in Rowan County, Kentucky, denied licenses to several such couples, including David Moore and David Ermold, who subsequently filed a civil rights lawsuit. Davis was ordered to issue a license for Moore and Ermold, but defied the court injunction and still refused to do so. The judge then held her in contempt, and she was jailed for six days.
After losing an appeal at the Cincinnati-based 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in March this year, Davis turned to the Supreme Court, raising that question, as well as the much more contentious issue of whether Obergefell should be overturned.
"Oh the humanity," said Mrs. Davis. "This ruling means that the attack on the godly sanctity of marriage, with its bonds of fidelity and devotion, will continue to be a stain on our nation." She then picked up her phone to deliver the news to her first husband, her second husband, her third husband, and her fourth husband, who was also her second husband. That's amore.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CH'CHING to money, money everywhere. No one matched all the numbers in the latest Mega Millions jackpot, so tonight's pile of cash is worth the equivalent of 900,000,000 99-cent valu-packs of Brach's candy corn (plus tax). If you play, C&J reminds you: please have a snowball's chance in hell responsibly.
CHEERS and "Alki!" to the Evergreen State. Washington was admitted as our 42nd state on November 11, 1889. It's a very cool state—pot has been legal for a long time, the government is Big D, and Seattle is like the upper-left thumbtack that keeps our country's map from curling down towards the red states in the middle. To mark the occasion, some people might enjoy biting into a nice juicy Washington apple. Here, help yourself…
Personally, I prefer to drink mine. Mainly because noshing on healthy food gives my liver a false sense of hope.
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 11, 2015
CHEERS to a good old-fashioned [pick one: thumpin', schellackin', whompin']. My, oh Myanmar! Citizens in the country formerly known as Burma Shave—population 53 million—voted over the weekend and delivered a big win to the pro-freedom National League for Democracy. All party leader Aung San Suu Kyi has to do now is keep the military leaders from calling takesie-backsies, curb oppression and violence against the country's Muslim population, prevent civil wars from breaking out, root out corruption, eliminate slave labor and conscription of child soldiers, deal with poverty, ramp up the economy and prepare for the effects of climate change. Two words, ma'am: caffeine pills.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the playthings of our lives. Lost in all the hubbub over the elections, the shutdown, the illegal ballroom, the Great Gatsby party at Mar-a-Lago, and other assorted headline stealers is the biggest story of the month. I'm speaking, of course, about the 2025 inductees into the National Toy Hall of Fame. The winners:
Battleship: Originally a pencil and paper game, Battleship’s inspiration began with similar two-person strategy games in the late 19th century. Various manufacturers printed paper versions beginning in the 1930s. Television advertising played a part in the success of Milton Bradley’s now iconic 1967 plastic edition. Since its debut almost 50 years ago, Milton Bradley’s Battleship game has sold more than 100 million copies.
A fine bunch.
Trivial Pursuit: Trivial Pursuit’s brain-racking questions have been challenging players for more than 40 years. The game rewards a vast breadth of knowledge, with questions ranging from geography to entertainment, from history to art, and from science to sports. As individuals or in teams, players race to collect pie wedges in six colors by maneuvering around the board and successfully answering trivia questions. By 2023, the game had sold more than 100 million copies.
Slime: Slime has leveraged its squishy, squashy, tactile appeal to become a beloved plaything for generations of kids. From its commercial introduction in 1976, slime has gone on to become an element of other playthings and a television star in its own right. Manufacturers produce slime under various brand names and with certain proprietary twists, but slime has also proliferated as a do-it-yourself project.
The biggest source of slime is currently produced daily at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"The Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool is far more interesting than its creator."
—Max Covill
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