Before You Vote In Today’s C&J Poll…
60 seconds of background by The Daily Show’s Jordan Klepper so you can make a wise, informed choice:
The best people. Never forget that. He only hires the best people.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, November 12, 2025
Note: World goes mad. Film at 11. And 12. And 1 and 2 and 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 plus the half-hours, too. But first some commercial messages for drugs and shitty Medicare Advantage plans…
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By the Numbers:
9 days!!!
Days 'til winter: 39
Days 'til the Denver Christmas Show: 9
Portion of Americans polled by the Kaiser Family Foundation who support enhanced tax credits for ACA marketplace coverage: 7.5-in-10
Percent support among MAGA cultists: 57%
Percent of voters in the 2021 and 2025 New York City mayoral elections who were under age 45: 27%, 42%
Percent of internet traffic last year that was generated by humans and bots, respectively: 49%, 51%
The last year the University of Michigan's consumer sentiment index was as low as it is now: 1951
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 178 (including 3 food supply crises and 1 crucifixion tree, now available at Home Depot). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: bask in the golden glow of the fur ball that is George...
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JEERS to today's edition of Shot/Shot/Chaser. Maine Senator Angus King, transforming himself from the once feisty and wily "Mustache of Independence" into just another toady in a toga:
Shot #1:
"And the people cheering this on I fear, in a reasonably short period of time, are going to say where did this go? How did this happen? How did we make our president into a monarch? How did this happen? How it happened is we gave it up! James Madison thought we would fight for our power, but no. Right now, we're just sitting back and watching it happen."
—Senator Angus King (I-ME), February 2025
Shot #2:
"Standing up to Donald Trump didn't work."
—Senator Angus King, November 2025
Chaser:
King voted "Yea" with Senate Republicans on every shutdown vote from day one.
And now I can’t afford health insurance next year, exclusively because of the vote of Senator Angus King—the independent who “caucuses with Democrats”—of Maine. This has been today's edition of Shot/Shot/Chaser.
CHEERS to sending in the scrubs-wearing cavalry. As I was writing about losing my health insurance above, a knight in shining armor (only the shiningest armor, believe me) came riding over the horizon. Lifting his solid-gold visor and putting a bullhorn to his manly lips, he proclaimed the good news: "I am Donald Trump, and I am here with my big, beautiful health insurance plan!" And then, as his trusty steed Sir Ketchup marveled at how he among all steeds could be the one so fortunate as to bear the weight of this greatest of humans, the mighty monarch continued…
"Instead of going to the insurance companies, I want the money to go into an account for people where the people buy their own health insurance.
It’s so good! The insurance will be better. It’ll cost less.
Everybody’s going to be happy. They’re going to feel like entrepreneurs.
They’re actually able to go out and negotiate their own insurance.
And they can use it only for that reason. That’s the beauty—only for the purpose. And if we did that, that would be so exciting. Call it Trumpcare!"
And then, putting his pinky to the corner of his mouth, he said that our health insurance direct payments would total "two…THOUSAND…dollars!" Why, I ain't seen that much money since I took that tour of Fort Knox! So I say burn the Epstein files, cancel all the guilty verdicts against him, marvel at his ballroom construction, and nominate him for the Nobel Peace Prize. But most important: watch your mailbox!
CHEERS to free choice. 232 years ago this week, in November of 1793, France ended the forced worship of God. God immediately responded by renaming two of his cafeteria dishes in Heaven "freedom fries" and "freedom toast." Snowflake.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to famous firsts. On November 12, 1964, Ohio-born Paula Murphy—who passed a couple years ago at 96—set a female land speed record while behind the wheel of the 10,000 horsepower "Avenger." Her top speed as she tore across a Utah salt flat (with a pillow behind her so she could reach the pedals): 243.44 mph.
A freaking jet engine on wheels.
And to answer your question: yes, she got the parking space.
CHEERS to Planet Progress. The two-week United Nations Climate Change Conference—aka COP 30—got underway in Brazil Monday, and things are off to a fine start. Here's a quick summary of what they got done:
» For the first time, they agreed that fossil fuel companies and executives can be mildly tut-tutted during the Airing of Grievances on Festivus.
» They agreed that the original framework for the draft of the plan that would establish a benchmark for ratifying the timetable was ready to be sent to the sub-committee to be converted into a pledge for a schematic of the agenda that will establish a milestone for approving the event horizon.
They only need one thing on their agenda: “Do everything we’re doing now 100% faster.”
» They agreed to take under advisement Elon Musk's idea for slowing the effects of rising sea levels by filling absorbent SpaceX pods with ocean water and jettisoning them into the sun.
» They all resolved that "This Thunberg kid is gettin’ on our nerves."
» They agreed that lime jello salad with olives and marzipan must be eliminated from the planet immediately. Not because it has anything to do with climate change. It's just a general crime against humanity.
But most important, they agreed on the shape of the negotiating table for next year's conference: dodecagon. Excellent choice.
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 12, 2015
CHEERS to a living wage. Fast-food workers mobilized again this week, staging their largest-ever walkouts in some 270 cities:
“The Fight for $15 movement is one of the most powerful examples of collective action. Having a voice on the job is a basic right. Using that voice and demanding it be heard is both courageous and inspiring. These workers deserve $15 an hour and a union,” said AFL-CIO president Richard Trumka in a statement on Tuesday. “Whether advocating for social justice or raising wages, working people are beginning to fully realize the power of standing together.”
To show their solidarity and support, many customers refused to eat in fast-food restaurants on Tuesday. Not sure who was happier with them—the striking employees or their own cardiovascular systems.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a taste of the Rainbow. Why didn’t anyone tell me there was a new Emmy-nominatable Randy Rainbow production? Why? WHY?!! DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE?!! Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm happy to announce that there's a new Randy Rainbow video available for your enjoyment. It sums up the current political environment nicely, and gives us our first glimpse of the "Liberace Discount Showroom that was once the East Wing of the White House." Enjoy…
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Oh, forgot to mention: it has a cuss word in it. Hope you didn’t crank it up to 11 from your desk at work.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"I actually cried after reading my first Cheers and Jeers. It felt like the first time my brain has ever switched off."
—Sarah
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