A Brief C&J Science Lesson
"Nobody knows what a magnet is."
—The Sitting President of the United States, the "stable genius" with the "great brain"
Mr. President, this is a magnet:
So happy we could clear that up.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, November 13, 2025
Note: If you have an alternative universe, leave an alternate universe. If you need an alternative universe, take an alternative universe. But please don’t swipe the alternative universe dish, as it was a gift from my aunt. Thx. —Mgr.
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By the Numbers:
10 days!!!
Days 'til Pickle Day: 1
Days 'til the Maine Harvest Festival in Bangor: 10
Minimum number of travelers disrupted by the Trump-Johnson-Thune government shutdown: 6 million
Trump tariff imposed on Italian pasta, which analysts say could wipe out exports to the U.S.: 107%
Expected haul from the auction of 30 Bob Ross paintings, the proceeds of which will help offset Trump's PBS cuts: $850,000 to $1.4 million
Number of Americans who woke up to snow and/or freeze alerts Tuesday morning: 200 million
Percent of U.S. adults who have a sub-6th grade literacy level: 54%
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Speaking of what the rest of the world thinks of us, the [2004 election result] was nicely summed up by Britain's Daily Mirror with its classic tabloid headline, "How Can 59,054,087 People Be So DUMB?"
The Guardian just put a tiny, white-on-black headline: "Oh God."
I realize the "liberal elites" are not allowed to even quote the word "dumb" lest we be accused of "cultural condescension" toward our salt-of-the-earth red-state compatriots. Since I'm a populist happily living in the midst of a quite red state (some of my best friends are named Bubba), I never pay any attention to such horse poop. But I do resent it when the people running the country think we're so dumb they can rip us off and then tell us to pray.
—November 2004
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Puppy Pic of the Day: "A chubby little pastry come to life…"
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CHEERS and JEERS to opening up shop. Ohhhhhhh boy. Let’s unpack this as simply as we can:
Sunday enough Democratic senators agreed to a deal with Republicans that will allow the government to open up again after a 43 day shutdown (Good), but there’s no ACA deal (Bad), but the federal employees will be back to work and getting paid (Good), including the ones who Trump fired during the shutdown (Good), but Democrats are more furious than not at Chuck Schumer’s negotiating skills (Bad), but Senate majority leader John Thune promised there will be an ACA bill put to a vote in the next few weeks (Good), but the House won’t consider voting on it (Bad), but now more Americans can see what monsters the Republicans are (Good), but the mighty Republican media machine is claiming credit for the re-opening (Bad), but the CDC will be back open to continue dealing with the latest anti-vax-related disease breakouts (“Mommy, I can’t stop itching”), but nanny goat liverwurst pencil goggles umbrella tart (Okay, I think you need to stop now, this is turning into gibberish).
And one more bit of the good news that no one else is reporting: The Smithsonian’s Government Shutdown Museum is back open again, and boy oh boy are we gonna get some great new exhibits from this one.
CHEERS to returning to the scene of the crime. With the government now re-opened, the pressure resumes in the House on getting the files related to the notorious Jeffrey Epstein sex-trafficking ring released. And with Adelita Grijalva now sworn in as our newest Democratic member of Congress (representing the great state of Arizona in the footsteps of her late father Raul), the wheels can start turning again, starting with a discharge petition forcing a vote on the House floor. And with yesterday's bombshell dropped by House Democrats, it's more important than ever to find out what role the sitting President of the United States had in that sicko sex trafficking ring:
Jeffrey Epstein referenced President Donald Trump in emails to his associate Ghislaine Maxwell and a journalist, claiming in one that Trump "knew about the girls," according to emails released by House Democrats. […] In a 2019 email released by the committee on Wednesday, Epstein wrote to [author Michael] Wolff that Trump “knew about the girls.” […]
And we’re off to the races. Again.
The top Democrat on the House committee, Rep. Robert Garcia of California, said in a statement that the released emails “raise glaring questions about what else the White House is hiding and the nature of the relationship between Epstein and the President.”
In another email released by Democrats that Epstein allegedly sent to Maxwell in 2011, Epstein says Trump "spent hours" with someone the committee says was a victim. Maxwell is currently serving a 20-year prison sentence in connection with Epstein’s crimes. "I want you to realize that that dog that hasn’t barked is trump.. [Victim] spent hours at my house with him ,, he has never once been mentioned.
Meanwhile, as far as we know, the Epstein files themselves continue to sit on AG Pam Bondi's desk. Right next to the shredder.
JEERS to stupid damn wars. On November 13, 1982, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial—a vee shape which points at the State Department—was dedicated. Our suggestion for the shape of the future Iraq War Memorial: a "W" on a spindle that points accusingly in the direction of wherever George W. Bush is at any given moment.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x
#GVerse Barack Obama @barackobama.bsky.social just walked onto a plane full of veterans & thanked every single one of them: no stage, no teleprompter, no ego trip.
#MyPresidentBarackObama 🫡🇺🇸
Hit the like, & repost to show your love for this man, a true American Hero! #VeteransDay
— 𝕲𝖆𝖊𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖔 (@gmf1369.bsky.social) 2025-11-11T23:44:22.153Z
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS and JEERS to the climate Olympics. Global warming summit COP 30 is underway in Brazil, and the methane-producing elephant in the room is the major world leader (guess who?) not bothering to show up. I guess this AP summary best expresses how the bad and the good are bumping up against each other as we continue our half-hearted attempt to hold back the drowning, crisping, and acidification of our planet:
World leaders highlighted the devastation wrought on some of the world’s poorest places to show the need to work collectively to fight global warming, which is fueling extreme weather. But any united front will be without the U.S., one of only four nations missing the talks, along with tiny San Marino and strife-torn Afghanistan and Myanmar. […]
“Humanity is still in this fight. We have some tough opponents, no doubt, but we also have some heavyweights on our side. One is the brute power of the market forces as renewables get cheaper,” United Nations climate secretary Simon Stiell said. […]
On Monday, the United Nations released updated calculations showing that national pledges promise to reduce projected 2035 global greenhouse gas emissions 12% below 2019 levels. That’s 2 points better than last month, before new pledges rolled in.
Little does Mad King TACO know that, whether he sends a delegation to COP 30 or not, he’s still contributing to energy conservation in a big way. Namely, by assembling an administration comprised of only the dimmest bulbs.
CHEERS to the Gandalf of Bloggerland. Happy anniversary to Josh Marshall, whose universally-respected Talking Points Memo turns 25 years old today. You can re-live the birth of this progressive supernova in his early posts during the 2000 Florida recount...although I must warn you that it might cause your blood pressure to spike. Josh and his crew provide no-frills reporting with just enough analysis and snark to help us make sense of politics, and nothing the righty sites offer comes close to TPM's objectivity, accuracy and speed. Of course, they're no Great Orange Satan...but no one's perfect.
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 13, 2015
CHEERS to today's edition of Yes! Somebody Finally Said It! John Bel Edwards is the Democrat running for governor of Louisiana. His opponent: Current Senator and procurer of fine prostitutes both at home and in D.C. "Diaper David" Vitter. John and Dave had a debate Tuesday night, and the money quote from Edwards to Vitter gets an automatic admission to the American Political Debate Hall of Fame:
"You're a liar and you're a cheater and you're a stealer and I don't tolerate that."
This has been today's edition of Yes! Somebody Finally Said It!
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And just one more…
JEERS to partly sunny skies with a chance of flying blubber. Ever wonder why no one blows up dead whales anymore? Great question! On November 13, 1970, the Oregon Highway Division, which apparently controls what goes on down at the shoreline too, thought they could get rid of a rotting beached whale by "vaporizing it" with dynamite and turning it into bite-size snacks for the local blubber-eating wildlife. But it didn’t quite turn out that way. Behold our annual play-by-play of the "exploding whale incident," which features some of the most hilarious news copy I’ve ever heard outside of a sitcom, delivered to perfection by reporter Paul Linnman:
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Join us next week when we'll explain why they don’t do turkey drops anymore, either.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"The pope has expressed his desire to deepen dialogue with the world of Cheers and Jeers ... exploring the possibilities that the kiddie pool offers to the mission of the Church and the promotion of human values."
—Vatican statement
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