When people hear “I-22” in a Bingo hall, everyone shouts: “Toot Toot!” When people hear “I-ve been posting Cheers and Jeers for 22 years” in Daily Kos, everyone shouts: “WTF, dude, get a life!” To which I can only respond the way I have for over two decades: as soon as the first parking-lot attendant position opens up, I’ll be outta here faster than the current spread of measles.
But today we toss such foolishness aside. Today we ring the church bells, stop the presses, and give all the ICE agents celebratory wedgies in celebration of the 22nd anniversary of Cheers and Jeers. So many memories. So much Bacardi under the bridge. December 10, 2003 to December 10, 2025. Eight thousand and thirty-five days documenting a world gone mad and getting madder by the week. And to think that my first post got a whopping two comments. Heh, indeedy.
We’ve had a ping-pongy existence here, starting out in the diaries before being promoted to the front page a year and a half later. There I remained until last year, when I was booted from my lofty perch as part of the Pulitzer Prize committee’s retraining order/out-of-court settlement against me. It happens.
C&J, now back in the diaries and soon to appear to wherever the new Daily Kos design puts me, gets a few more comments these days. But its mission is the same: mock the mockworthy, praise the praiseworthy, and demonstrate as often as possible that politics and fart jokes are not mutually exclusive but rather inextricably linked.
“Inextricably,” by the way, is a 29-point Scrabble word. You're welcome.
Oh, before I forget: I need money. In 2007 you, the Daily Kos readership, put me on your collective—and full-time—payroll, a vote of confidence for which I'm grateful. There's a PayPal account set up for either one-time or recurring monthly donations, as well as a snail-mail address. If you'd like to support C&J, I'd be thrilled to have you join my legion of firm-but-fair bosses. Choose from the options below, with our mega-thanks:
One time contribution: click here.
$5 monthly contribution: click here
$10 monthly contribution: click here
$20 monthly contribution: click here
To donate via snail mail: Bill Harnsberger, 16 Pitt Street, Portland, ME, 04103.
But enough yammering and begging.
Come on downstairs with me for the annual reading of my first C&J, including my exclusive commentary from Older Wiser Billy (v. 20.25) to Younger, Dumber But Smokin' Hot Billy (v. 20.03). If we can work it out through the magic of A.I., you might even witness some high-stakes thumbwrastlin' between the two of me.
Although it's been said many times, many ways: thank you for reading and supporting my little rag day in and day out since the Iraq War. I pledge that I will never flame you for being a purist or a pragmatist. Unless it's consensual and we both have an agreed-upon safe word.
[with my exclusive commentary in freedom brackets]
Dispatch from THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
[Dispatch? What is this, World War I? Was I sending a telegram to President Wilson? I quickly dispensed with dispatch.]
Cheer's and Jeers
[If you look carefully you'll see C&J's very first punctuation error. How nice to know that I couldn’t make it through my first two sentences without fucking up. That's quality you can count on!]
CHEERS to Howard Dean for his extraordinary Gore Score. The early endorsement is cherry on top of the whipped cream (union endorsements) on top of the ice cream (grassroots) on top of the cake (Dean). Extra points for upstaging Bush's Medicare sideshow during Monday/Tuesday press cycles.
[I found Daily Kos by following a link through the wormhole from Dean's blog. In many ways Howard's the reason I'm here. Meanwhile, about that 2003 Medicare bill: to show how insane things are today, consider that Bush's "landmark" legislation passed in the Senate 55-44 with 11 Democrats voting in favor and 9 Republicans voting against. And achieving cloture didn’t seem to be a problem at all. Wow.]
JEERS to the Medicare bill. Democrats asleep at the wheel while Nero (Bush) fiddles. This turkey's as fake as the one in Baghdad mess hall.
[Remember the Medicare bill? The chief actuary had been threatened with "extremely severe" consequences by the Bush administration if he revealed the plan’s true cost to Congress. Plus it had that big gaping prescription “donut hole” in it that Obamacare had to plug. A reminder that, even a generation ago, the Republican motto was ‘Ready, Fire, Aim.’]
CHEERS to John Edwards. Doogie Howser is coming into his own as thoughtful VP possibility. Newsweek column on jury system shows real compassion, pragmatism.
[In future postings, this item about creepy John, who had an affair while his wife had cancer (a la Newt Gingrich and used campaign funds to cover it up, will be digitally removed by Industrial Light & Magic.]
CHEERS to Mother Nature. If you're going to live in northern New England in winter, you might as well have lots of snow, and boy did we get it. Bonus: White Xmas is in the bag.
JEERS to people who write Xmas.
[I have since learned that "Xmas" drives the MAGA cult nuts. I rescind the jeer.]
JEERS to Joe Lieberman. Credible rumor now pegs his camp as source of Monday's Dean/Gore endorsement leak. Were sour grapes pouting all an act?
[Yes. Gore’s 2000 running mate Lieberman got his fee-fees hurt when Al’s endorsement went to rival Dean instead of him. I still laugh when I recall that Joe boasted of being "in a three-way tie for third place" after the New Hampshire primary. In other words: fifth. It's a comforting reminder that, for all his skullduggery, he lost as often as he won. In the end, the Grim Reaper had the final word.]
JEERS to Alfred E. Koppel. Gives candidates not named Dean chance to blast Guv at point blank range in NH debate. All those who think he acted like a total dumbass, raise your hand.
CHEERS to Dennis Kucinich for Ted Koppel slapdown. No wonder the broads are coming out of the woodwork for this Ohio hottie. (But can they go vegan?)
CHEERS to Carol Moseley Braun, for opting out of the Dean bloodbath at debate. Classy broad, don'tcha know.
[That was the primary debate where Ted Koppel—now 85—asked the candidates to "raise your hand if you believe that Howard Dean can beat George W. Bush." Kucinich then said something to Koppel like, "Some of the best talent in American politics is on this stage right now, so grow up." Oh, and I regret the use of the word broad. It was a different time back then during the Roaring Aughts.]
JEERS to Dick "Elmer Fudd" Cheney. Slaughters 70 pre-caught game birds on "hunting" expedition. As if we needed more proof that his heart was removed long ago...
[Then he got tired of shooting helpless birds in the ass and moved on to shooting helpless lawyers in the face. Today he rests 6.66 feet under the earth.]
CHEERS to Supremes for upholding parts of McCain/Feingold bill. Sure it's a Band-Aid, but at least now it's got some real stick to it.
[Cheering the Supreme Court. How quaint.]
CHEERS and a fond farewell to Senator Paul Simon (D-IL). Some of the current occupants of the upper chamber could take a lesson or two from him...but they're too dumb. Memo to Smithsonian: snag one of those bow ties!
[I liked him]
JEERS to George W. Bush's "spontaneous" appearance during Larry King Live show. Walk-on during end of Laura’s interview reveals hopelessly inarticulate boob. No Red Ryder BB gun for you, pal, until you learn how to say "Merry Christmas" without gritting your teeth.
[You can check the transcript: George W. Bush actually told Larry King that his wife Laura's decorating was "a heckuva job." Ouch.]
CHEERS to Al Gore for showing true cojones in Dean nod. Veep understands that the only way to break out of Democratic party complacency is to shake, shake, SHAKE things up. Beltway bluster proves he's right on.
[Gore was right for recognizing the potential of the grassroots and the value of the budding netroots. I shook his hand once. It’s bigger than a bear paw.]
CHEERS to the Maine lobster industry. Another banner year is good year for butter industry. And bib makers!
[Despite global warming, we still have enough lobsters off the coast of Maine that they're demanding their own representation in the legislature. Go ahead and indulge—'tis the season for Sandy Claws.]
Developing...
[I added that word at the end as a little dig at Drudge, who used it a lot when he ruled the right-wing world. Today, in a twist no one saw coming, he spends almost as much time as we do bashing the current occupant of the White House and his growing wrecking ball collection.]
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This concludes season twenty-two. (Toot Toot!) Season twenty-three starts bright and early tomorrow morning. Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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