Why Beanie Babies And Crypto Are The Same
Some are very expensive. Bitcoin is now ~$87,500. Early mint Princess the Bear (named after Diana) toys are often listed at $500,000.
Both cost very little to make and were initially sold cheaply to attract interest. Beanie Babies were mass manufactured in China out of cheap fabric and pellets and sold for ~$5. Bitcoin was originally free and was first used to buy $25 in pizza for 10,000 BTC.
Both rely on emotional connections. Both rely on cute animals, cartoons, nicknames, and humor to attract buyers. Both use fear of missing out to prevent selling.
They can both be lost due to carelessness. Blockchain may be forever, but if you lose your keys, it will be inaccessible forever. Dogs often destroy Beanie Babies.
Both used non-traditional, Internet-focused marketing campaigns to attract buyers. There are many types of each, including Bubbles, Cardano, Chocolate, Etherium, Monero, Melania, Mystic, Patty, Peanut, Pinchers, Shibu Inu, Solana, and Splash.
Both are considered “alternative asset classes” by investors. And prices are volatile, meaning risky or speculative. Some investors have lost their savings gambling on each.
Unlike bonds or shares of profitable enterprises that pay interest or dividends as they grow, neither Beanie Babies or Crypto have any intrinsic value.
Their market value is driven by intentional scarcity. Bitcoins are limited by design. Almost 20 of 21 million have already been ‘mined’, and their value assumes that no more will be created. Beanie Babies were produced in small batches, released in small stores, and were often ‘retired’, so their value assumes that no more will be created.
Their company owners have become billionaires, typically keeping their privacy mysterious in order to add mystique to their brands.
Why Beanie Babies Are Way Better than Crypto
Crime
There are easier ways to spend or send money electronically than crypto. Crypto’s competitive advantage is evading the law. Sending money across borders is regulated, but crypto evades both currency transaction limits and scrutiny. The rules were established to fight crime, especially bribery, money laundering and tax evasion. So participating in unregulated cryptocurrencies increases corruption, helps drug cartels and raises taxes on the rest of us.
Yes, Beanie Babies were also involved in crime, especially robberies. Obviously there was the tragic 1999 Beanie Baby murder in West Virginia. Also there were many fake online auctions and some significant counterfeiting. Really a whole slew of unfortunate situations at the height of the mania. And the CEO was caught evading taxes. And again there was a recent attempted murder during a burglary of the CEO’s mansion. But, as far as I know, neither the cartels nor the Russians are using Beanie Babies to run their violent criminal networks. So, point plush toys.
Environment
And I know, environmentalists will complain about the plastic pellets inside Beanie Babies, but Ty switched from PVC to PE over 25 years ago, ironically driving demand for the less environmentally friendly early versions.
But Bitcoin uses as much energy as Poland or Argentina, creates more carbon than global beef production, produces massive e-waste from ‘mining’, sucks up water from cities and farms, and strains our electric grids causing blackouts. Points for Seaweed and Pouch.
Love
Ultimately, Beanie Babies are children’s toys, so they have value and are loved. So your parents blew your college savings buying you a little unicorn, but for a time it gave you some happiness. And now, you still have both the memories and the toy itself, in a box on the shelf in the back of the garage behind the old paint.
But crypto is ultimately worthless. Over $2 trillion has been lost in bankruptcies, fraud and other schemes. How much real money is wasted sustaining crypto money? Sure, the world is crazy now, but eventually there will be crypto regulation, certain taxation, carbon surcharges, and someone will invent something new and disruptive. There are already hackers and ransomware. There has never been an unbreakable encryption, and there never will be.
And when the end comes, everyone who thought they could get current market value will find that they get far less when everyone tries to sell at once. Maybe folks should invest in something simpler and safer, like tulips? Sure, the bloom only lasts a week or so, but they’re lovely. Match point, love.
