You Think You’re Losing It?
Via Colbert, Weird Al has a brief moment of introspection...
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He still has no Kennedy Center Honor. That ain’t right.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, December 9, 2025
Note: Due to the startup of C&J's holiday eggnog fracking operation, you may experience mild earthquakes through December 25th. Plus eggnog will likely start oozing from your taps like lava on a Hawaiian hillside. We assure you it's all perfectly safe to drink until you hear otherwise from an authorized emergency room stomach-pumping attendant when you wake up. Thank you for your understanding, and bottoms up! —Mgt.
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10 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the first night of Hanukkah: 5
Days 'til Louisiana's NOLA WinterFest: 10
Minimum number of the 220,000 people ICE has arrested who have no criminal record: 75,000
Number of states where the minimum wage is going up next year: 22
Number of jobs U.S. companies have announced, as of the end of November, that they plan to eliminate: 1.2 million
Percent chance that Waymo is recalling software on its self-driving robo-taxis because they keep flying by stopped school buses: 100%
Rank of "Fly, Robin, Fly" by Silver Convention, "Let's Do It Again" by The Staple Singers, and "Sky High" by Jigsaw on the Billboard Top 40 chart on January 9, 1975: #1, #2, #3
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Waffles…dipped in syrup
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JEERS to socialism: Republican style. As soon as our illustrious King Rottinghand announced his tax hikes on Americans in the form of tariffs, one thing was certain: farmers who voted for him were going to start crying like little sissies because waaah, waaah, we're going bankrupt. And then, right on cue, to keep our delicate fee-fee farmers happy, here comes the taxpayer bailout for the moochers:
President Donald Trump plans to announce a $12 billion aid package for American farmers Monday, a White House official said. […]
The aid package will include up to $11 billion in one-time payments under a new program administered by the Agriculture Department.
And what of the other $1 billion? That'll go into creation of the new tractor-size John Deere Farmers' Peace Prize, which will be bestowed upon…oh, take a guess.
CHEERS to today's edition of Ya Think??? Courtesy of Mediaite:
Bruna Ferreira, the mother of White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt's nephew, said she “made a mistake” by “trusting” her in-laws after she was arrested by ICE and cast by the administration as a “criminal” and absent parent. Ferreira was arrested on November 12 by ICE and faces deportation to Brazil, after overstaying a visa from when she was a child in 1998. Her arrest was captured on video as multiple unmarked SUVs surrounded her car.
A Trump employee not trustworthy? Alert the media.
“I asked Karoline to be godmother over my only sister,” she said Thursday. “I made a mistake there, in trusting.”
This has been today's edition of Ya Think???
CHEERS to the biggest star on the U.S. map. 225 years ago this week, in 1800, Washington D.C. was established as the capital of the United States. During those early days, everyone—the House, the Senate and the Supreme Court—was packed into the north wing of the Capitol building like sardines. They later moved into their own spaces. Mostly, historians say, because the place was...well...starting to smell like sardines.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to great moments in feeling good. 181 years ago this week, in 1844, laughing gas was used by a dentist for the first time. They don’t rely on it as much these days. They achieved better results by putting TVs on the ceiling tuned to Fox News.
CHEERS to life in Mamdani's 'hood. With the election of a Democratic-socialist brimming with optimism and good ideas for bringing down the cost of rent, transportation, and groceries, even the criminals are rethinking their wicked ways:
New York City has tied its record for the longest stretch without a homicide in recorded history.
The city went 12 calendar days—Nov. 25 to Dec. 7—without a homicide, according to New York Police Department data.
The fatality: Eric Adams' legacy.
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Ten years ago in C&J: December 9, 2015
CHEERS to flicking a booger at the gun industry. Most of the time I feel sorry for the phrase "well-regulated" in the 2nd Amendment. It's like the Jan to "Keep and Bear Arms's" Marcia. But not yesterday. Yesterday the Supreme Court delivered a happy surprise to gun-safety advocates by…
…reject[ing] a challenge by gun rights activists to a Chicago suburb's ordinance banning assault weapons and large-capacity magazines, handing a victory to gun control advocates amid a fierce debate over the nation's firearms laws.
The 2013 ordinance passed by the city of Highland Park, Illinois will remain in place. [...] The Highland Park measure bans various semi-automatic weapons, including well-known guns such as the AR-15 and AK-47, in addition to magazines holding more than 10 rounds of bullets.
Supporters of the decision cheered and started working on plans to expand Highland Park's law to more communities. Opponents of the decision did what they always do when they lose: locked and loaded and shot shit up. (Which, oddly enough is the same thing they do when they win.)
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And just one more…
CHEERS and JEERS to 2025 in a nutshell. Thanks, Wikipedia, for letting us know what your users’ top searches were this year, so we can file them away in our brains without a lot of muss or fuss:
1. Charlie Kirk: 44,907,789 pageviews
2. Deaths in 2025: 42,508,846
3. Ed Gein: 31,232,285
4. Donald Trump: 25,127,616
5. Pope Leo XIV: 22,052,502
6. Elon Musk: 20,179,628
7. Zohran Mamdani: 20,118,615
8. Sinners (the movie): 18,230,654
9. Ozzie Osbourne: 17,787,997
10. Superman (the 2025 movie): 17,007,716
And coming in at #11: "Has Cheers and Jeers Won A Major Award Like A Pulitzer Or A Nobel Peace Prize Yet," which I personally searched over 16,937,504 times. But only because I didn’t have as much time to do it as I did last year. Time to reprioritize my life, methinks.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Look, the first thing you should know about Cheers and Jeers is nothing.
—Rex Huppke
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