The nation teeters. Social collapse looms. The barbarians are at the gate. And they are children. Luckily for Truth, Justice, and the American Way, Texas House GOP Rep. Stan Gerdes has not been distracted by shiny objects. He is a man with a spine — willing to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and risk looking like a complete idiot, by tackling the rot at the heart of the American experiment. FURRIES.
I lack the skills to explain the issue. So I will let the New York Post, the touchstone of sober journalism, outline the courageous stand Gerdes has taken — like Horatius on the bridge or the boy with his finger in the dike, if you will:
A Texas lawmaker has introduced a bill to ban "non-human behavior" in public schools, such as barking, meowing and other animal-like practices commonly used by furries.
The Forbidding Unlawful Representation of Roleplaying in Education, or FURRIES Act, was proposed in the state's House last week by GOP Rep. Stan Gerdes.
"No distractions. No theatrics. Just education," Gerdes wrote on X. "Texas schools are for educating kids, not indulging in radical trends. Let's keep the focus where it belongs—on preparing students for success in life."
Under the proposal, students would be prohibited from engaging in various animal behaviors, including using a litter box, licking themselves, making animal noises like barking, meowing, or hissing or otherwise pretending to be an animal.
I am in awe of Republicans' ability to create acronyms. "The Forbidding Unlawful Representation of Roleplaying in Education, or FURRIES Act." — GENIUS.
In addition, let's celebrate the NY Post's single-minded focus. They are not a news organization distracted by facts. Consider how they dismiss questions about whether the problem exists by simply stating that it does — "barking, meowing and other animal-like practices commonly used by furries." They don't even equivocate with an "alleged". Why bother? They know that the practice is common. How? Why do you ask? Dear God, if a Republican is proposing a law to deal with a problem, then, de facto, the problem exists (QED) — no need for an investigation.
But wait. I have been too hasty in celebrating the Post's 'full speed ahead damn the torpedoes' approach to reporting. In the fifth paragraph, a vestige of journalistic integrity gleams.
Allegations of litter boxes being set up in school bathrooms have repeatedly been debunked by schools across the country in recent years following false claims that circulated online.
Luckily for Murdoch's American tabloid, the average MAGA quits after the headline. In this case:
Texas lawmaker proposes bill targeting furries; measure seeks to ban 'non-human behavior' in schools
'Texas schools are for educating kids, not indulging in radical trends,' said GOP Rep. Stan Gerdes, the bill's author
Most of the rest will be gone by the first ad. Few will wander past that ad, then another, before getting to the truth of the matter. But for those intrepid MAGAs who have lasted this far, there is some sadism to savor.
Students who fail to comply could be removed from class, suspended or expelled. The measure also allows for students to be transferred to a juvenile justice alternative education program.
Teachers would be required to report violations to the Texas attorney general, and school districts that do not enforce the restrictions could face fines starting at $10,000 for the first offense and $25,000 for additional violations.
Texas public school teachers earn a median salary of $58,148. Those socialist bastards promoting a socialist agenda of compulsory gender reassignment better be careful. Three failures to snatch a pair of rabbit ears (or the like) off a first grader's head, and the permissive pedagogue will owe the state money. That could help balance the books — win, win.
Lest any reader think that Gerdes is fighting the good fight alone, be reassured. The report states:
The proposal has the backing of Texas Gov. Greg Abbott and the state's House Speaker, Dustin Burrows, both of whom are Republicans.
"If you have a child in a public school, you have one expectation: your children's going to be learning the fundamentals of education — reading and writing and math and science," Abbott said during a recent meeting with pastors in Austin, citing the furry issue as a motivating factor to allow private school choice vouchers.
"If they're being distracted by furries, those parents have a right to move their child to a school of their choice," he continued.
Gerdes called his bill "common sense" as he thanked Abbott and Burrows for backing the proposal.
Let me add that I am sure that Texas science does not include evolution or climate change. Cowboys don't fall for liberal propaganda. And Abbott was clear that history (or as it is better called, 'making white kids feel bad about themselves') is not going to be a fundamental of Texas education on his watch.
I should point out that this ban on kids using their imagination is not absolute. The Lone Star dictatorship has a benevolent bent. As the NY Posts explains:
There are some exceptions to the ban on animal accessories and non-human behaviors, including dressing up for Halloween or other school dress-up events related to human history, although this would be limited to five days per school year, as well as theater performances and dressing up as a school mascot.
I don't know about that. If you are going to tackle the furry crisis, you need to exterminate the menace, root and branch. Take the Plano East High School. Their mascot is a Panther. That's a cat — no? What kind of message does it send to have a furry prance up and down their football sideline on a Friday night?
Not good. Make the ban absolute.
