“The Best Idea We Ever Had...”
Happy conclusion of National Park Week. Yellowstone was #1 in 1872 (Thank you, U.S. Grant), and we've been adding 'em ever since.
Badlands National Park—South Dakota
"The establishment of the National Park Service is justified by considerations of good administration, of the value of natural beauty as a National asset, and of the effectiveness of outdoor life and recreation in the production of good citizenship."
— Theodore Roosevelt —
Acadia National Park (w/ Bass Harbor Lighthouse)—Maine
"The parks do not belong to one state or to one section. The Yosemite, the Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon are national properties in which every citizen has a vested interest; they belong as much to the man of Massachusetts, of Michigan, of Florida, as they do to the people of California, of Wyoming, and of Arizona."
— Stephen Mather, NPS director 1917-1929 —
Glacier National Park—Montana
“Every national park has its own unique story to tell, yet so much of our nation’s shared heritage can be found in the towering forests and vast desert expanses that make up our National Park System. The outdoors has also proven to be a welcome refuge during the pandemic. I encourage everyone to enjoy the beauty and wonder of our national parks safely and responsibly.”
— Former Secretary of the Interior Deb Haaland —
A few more pics here. (Be sure to hoist your middle finger at the nasty little disclaimer at the top.) Please note that the C&J kiddie pool is not considered an official national park. But the paperwork has been submitted. Now comes Step 2: convincing Kos to stop un-submitting it.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, April 25, 2025
Note: Services for this little piggy who had roast beef that turned out to be tainted due to RFK Jr.'s cancellation of U.S. food inspection will be held tomorrow at noon, during which the little piggy who had none will feel sad, angry, and a little bit fortunate.
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By the Numbers:
7 days!!!
Weeks 'til the start of the Memorial Day weekend: 4
Days 'til California's La Habra Citrus Fair: 7
Estimated number of births in 2024, up 1% from 2023: 3,622,673
Years Dick Durbin, who announced this week that he's not running for reelection, has served as senator from Illinois: 28
Expected high bid for the first four original editions of Shakespeare's plays that will go up for auction next month: $6 million
Year the first-edition folios were printed: 1623
Age of Carol Burnett as of tomorrow: 92
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Humans yell at clouds, puppies bark at waves…
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CHEERS to order in the courts. Since our Legislative Branch is currently about as functional as a new cybertruck, it's up to our judges to keep the current Executive Branch from overstepping its bounds. There have been too many recent rulings to count, so let's just recap some of the various verdicts that have been handed down by federal judges at all levels this week over the Trump administration's actions on immigration, civil rights, the economy, and the social safety net:
"Denied!" "Denied!" "Denied!" "Are you crazy?" "Is this a joke?" "Are you insane?" "Are you Franz Kafka?" "Denied again!" "And again!" "No!" "Hell no!" "What part of NO do you not understand?" "Do you even have a law degree?" "Nice try. Get out." "Ha ha ha ha ha ha get OUT!"
For the full list of rulings, send us a self-addressed stamped shipping container and we'll send a printout of the rest.
CHEERS to a fine sendoff. After his cardiovascular system failed to survive the sight of JD Vance standing three feet away from him on Easter Sunday, beloved Pope Francis gets funeralized in St. Peter's Square starting around 3am Eastern Time.
“Be kind. Be humble. Be charitable. Peace, out. Aloha.”
It will be equal parts solemn, spectacular, and a little creepy as his mortal remains are moved around, splashed with water, and sign-of-the-crossed a thousand times. But that's pomp and ceremony for ya, and I'll be taking copious notes as I plan for my own eventual demise. (Fair warning: fail to bury me with a miter on my head and I'll haunt you in your dreams.)
For reference, I looked up the last major pope's funeral—John Paul II's in 2005—and the big "scandal" was hacktacular Republican President George W. Bush getting booed by the crowd. This time around it'll be hacktacular-on-steroids Republican President Donald Trump sitting like a bump on a log (poor log) fuming that he gave up a weekend of golf for this. So we'll haul out our patented C&J "Boo-O-Meter" and set it up in front of the TV to see if the spirit moves the crowd to out-express their displeasure from 20 years ago. Just don't forget the "Amen!" afterwards, folks.
P.S. Following Francis’s interment, the Cardinals will all gather in the Sistine Chapel to pick a new pope. It’s a solemn and time-honored process known as “knives out.”
CHEERS to genome sweet genome. On April 25, 1953, scientists identified DNA for the first time. Its appearance is described by the U.S. National Library of Medicine as "two long strands that form a spiral called a double helix." Or, as many wrongly-convicted prisoners have come to describe it: two long strands that form a lifeline.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to Charles Richter. It's the 125th birthday of the late seismologist who invented a scale to measure the strength of earthquakes (I forget what it's called). Go here and pay your respects...if you feel so moved. But please don’t blame him for causing all the recent tremors. They're not his faults.
CHEERS to home vegetation. The last weekend of April is here already??? Cheesum crow, this year is flying by, but I hope the weekend takes its sweet time. The boob-tubage starts tonight with the latest Friday news dumps on MSNBC...or Round 2 and 3 of the NFL draft at 7 on ABC. (Sorry, no Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy! because of it.) There’s also an episode of Penn & Teller: Fool us! at 8 on the CW.
Official supervisor of the NFL draft.
The most popular movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NHL schedule is here, the NBA schedule is here, and the Major League Baseball schedule is here. Rounds 4-7 of the NFL draft are tomorrow on ABC from—WTF?—noon 'til 7???
Sunday on 60 Minutes: reports on Trump’s war on the National Institutes of Health and Japan’s declining birth rate. (Hey, here’s a quick and easy solution to the latter: convince Elon Musk to come over and get busy.) Grampa and Moe recruit a Macedonian slugger for the Springfield baseball team on The Simpsons, and the Griffiths spoof Only Murders in the Building and The Bear on Family Guy (Fox). The night ends with a new episode of The Righteous Gemstones on HBO, followed by warm milk and cookies and then its off to bed, young sir or madam, you have a busy week ahead.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Bernie!!! Plus Secretary of Destroying the State Department Little Marco Rubio and Steve Kornacki with new poll numbers.
I swear, the patience Zelenskyy (on ABC Sunday morning) has to show with Trump is infuriating.
This Week: Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy; Billionaire Secretary of Destroying the Treasury Department Scott Bessant; former Obama White House national security adviser Jake Sullivan.
Face the Nation: TBA
CNN's State of the Union: Secretary of Destroying the Department of Agriculture Brooke Rollins; Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY).
Fox Fascism Sunday: Senator Foghorn Leghorn Kennedy (Fascist-LA); Rep. Adam Smith (D-WA).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: April 25, 2015
JEERS to steamroller politics. If I cared a whit about them, I might pity the poor dumb bastard Republican presidential candidates not named Bush. That's because Jebya plans to turn his Super PAC over to a team of his cronies, who will then "independently" run most of his campaign:
The concept...would endow that organization not just with advertising on Bush's behalf, but with many of the duties typically conducted by a campaign. [I]t is possible that for the first time a super PAC created to support a single candidate would spend more than the candidate's campaign itself—at least through the primaries. […]
"This isn't the product of some genius thinking," said a Republican familiar with the strategy. "This is the natural progression of the rules as they are set out by the FEC."
Wow, this is truly astonishing and totally amazing. I'm shocked. The FEC still has rules???
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the apple of CBS's eye. Happy 117th birthday today to CBS News legend Edward R. “Good Night, and Good Luck” Murrow. He had more journalistic integrity in his pinky than many of today's journalistic misfits (too many of whom call CBS News home) have on their entire resumes. He was a fighter for journalistic independence free of the entertainment side of television, and his clipped and unemotional delivery only added to his gravitas. From his New York Times obituary:
One former staff member recalled the instruction Mr. Murrow gave to his newsmen.
The reporter must never sound excited even if bombs are falling outside, Mr. Morrow said.
Truman hangs out with Murrow. Oh, to be a fly on one of those lawn chairs.
Rather, the reporter should imagine that he has just returned to his hometown and that the local editor has asked him to dinner with, for example, a banker and a professor.
"After dinner," Mr. Murrow counseled, "your host asks you 'Well, what was it like?' As you talk, the maid is passing the coffee and her boyfriend, a truck driver, is waiting for her in the kitchen and listening. You are supposed to describe things in terms that make sense to the truck driver without insulting the intelligence of the professor."
Unfortunately, chain-smoking (up to three packs a day) snuffed out his life prematurely at 57—lung cancer. Hear excerpts of his W.W. II and McCarthy hearing reports here. And, hey, don’t smoke.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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