PSA: This wasn't supposed to happen, but I had a x#%@÷*&#! hardware problem crop up while this diary was in preparation. So, publishing this as the first part of what was planned out to be a longer article. The second half could either run next month, or be published sooner as a stand-alone. Decision pending.
Meanwhile, following up on last month -- Chrislove has decided, in handing off editorship for the series, to divide the duties between Chitown Kev (applause, please!) and me.
So, the series is going forward. And it would be great to involve more contributors. If possibly interested in writing, please send a Kmail to either Chitown Kev or me. Not used to writing diaries? We'll guide you.
"LGBTQ Lit" btw doesn't just have to include academic books or history. Nor do diaries have to be really long. In the past it's even carried some original fiction. Open to any innovative thoughts.
(Also, it's possible -- hope not! -- that I might have trouble getting online to respond to comments on Sunday evening. If so, Chrislove indicated he will be checking in, and come what may, I should be able to get back here by Tuesday at the latest--Monday being a holiday.)
What a start. :-/ Thanks for (I hope) understanding.
--Clio2
More than 50 years ago, during the height of Second Wave feminism, a collection of radical women's liberationists in New York joined together and formed a coordinating council.
In September of 1972 that the council decided it would also be useful to organize among themselves a set of caucuses, based on sexual orientation: straight, lesbian or bisexual. As usual with caucuses in democratically organized groups--from local activists right up to the U.S. Congress--the members of each caucus would meet separately on certain issues and then report back their perspectives to the council as a whole.
Then an odd thing happened.
Two members of the coordinating council, Lisa Orlando and Barbie Hunter Getz, "realized that we would not feel comfortable in any of the proposed caucuses," Orlando explained.
They therefore formed their own separate group. And named it the Asexual Caucus.
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In chronological order:
- The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction To Asexuality, by Julie Sondra Decker. New York: Carrel Books (Skyhorse Publishing), 2014
- ACE: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex, by Angela Chen. Boston: Beacon Press, 2020
- Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens On Our Sexuality-Obsessed Culture, by Sherronda J. Brown. Berkeley, California: North Atlantic Books, 2022
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A definitive history of asexuality (or "ace") as a recognized sexual orientation no doubt will someday be written. The listed books all touch on it.
There are overlaps between all the three, but each volume makes its own unique contribution, in both style and perspective.
The Invisible Orientation is a solid, fact-packed summary and handbook for people who are ace, or ace-adjacent, or think they might be, and for partners, friends, and family, as well as anyone who is curious. At 11 years old, some specifics (such as in lists of resources) may be out of date. Nevertheless, if touches on almost every possible angle or question, in prose that is clear and direct. Decker is a writer of both fiction and nonfiction as well as an asexual activist.
ACE is more journalistic, discursive and partially personal. Chen, originally a science writer who is currently an editor at Vox, in the course of her research conducted a large number of interviews. Referring to many of their stories, she connection asexuality with a variety of current issues and describes ways that asexual people have worked out satisfying lives for themselves outside of, or alongside, a world that is dominated by more typical categories and expectations.
Refusing Compulsory Sexuality describes a social matrix where traditional models of sexuality have historically stood locked together with other coercive structures surrounding race, gender, economic and political power. They focus on what this has done to Black people and others of color. They tear apart cultural myths and suggest, as well, we rethink our assumptions about the sexuality of some historical figures. Brown (they/she), who describes herself as a "Southern-grown gothic nerd and queermongering gender anarchist, is Editor-in-Chief of Scalawag magazine, based in Tarboro, N.C.
All three authors point up how asexuality challenges a range of common beliefs about human nature and human relationships, and therefore has implications for us all.
It's a lot to take in.
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Persons who, in present-day terms, might describe themselves as asexual have likely always existed.
The term "asexual" or "ace" in this context refers to someone who in general, does not experience a feeling of specifically sexual attraction and desire towards others.
The orientation has no decipherable medical cause, and is not to be confused with impotence or anorgasmia.
An asexual person under this definition may choose to live celibate, or choose to have sex with others, may derive satisfaction from masturbating, or not, may enjoy partnered sex on occasion to some degree or not, may feel other kinds of attraction or not, may enjoy other kinds of touch, or not, fall in love, or not, choose to stick with a partner or live with a partner, or have multiple partners, or none, or marry or not.
The breadth of the label, as used in practice, can vary. Some people who do experience a limited sexual attraction, just not very often, or not strongly, or only on certain conditions, may still decide it makes sense for them to identify as ace. Others prefer intermediate terms such as demisexual, graysexual, or "on the asexual spectrum." It's not a science, but an area of knowledge still under exploration, a language still under construction, and a complex question of judgement.
The continuing investigation into asexuality as an orientation is mainly community-led, distributed, occasionally contentious, and bound to go on evolving. (Meanwhile the scientific/medical establishment to this point has stepped up rather sluggishly at best.)
Sherronda Brown presents a timeline as an appendix to Refusing Compulsory Sexuality. Two early non-judgemental references to a type of person we might call asexual appeared in works by European social reformers Karl Kertbeny (1869, describing "monosexuals" who at most engaged in masturbation) and Emma Tross (1875, referring to "neutrals" without sexual desire).
Magnus Hirschfield, the pioneering German sexologist, in 1896 first made his first mention in print of "individuals...without any sexual desire." He stated an opinion that if desire for sexual contact was truly absent, that condition was unchangeable.
In 1948 Alfred Kinsey's ground-breaking Sexual Behavior in the Human Male included a classification "X," similar to what is now called asexuality. So did his followup Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, in 1953. Fleeting allusions over the next decades suggest some low but continuing level of public awareness.
Orlando and Getz's Asexual Caucus in 1972 stands out because Orlando later edited their position paper, circulating it under the title, "An Asexual Manifesto." Eight pages in typescript, and very much a document of its time, the "Manifesto" today seems murky about whether the authors regarded "asexuality" as something inherent, as a temporary political stance, or intended it to cover both. Still, it was a landmark.
Asexuality slowly grew more visible. The 1980s and 90s saw a few peer-reviewed journal articles as well as other publications. By the turn of the millennium, asexuals got their first modest footing online, a Yahoo group.
A watershed arrived in 2001, when activist David Jay created AVEN, the online Asexual Visibility and Engagement Network. Asexuals gained a more versatile virtual gathering place, information clearing-house, and forums for multiple community-initiated discussions. They now could more easily found each other, both online and--importantly--also in physical spaces.
The ace orientation today holds a recognized, for the most part, place as part of the LGBTQIA+ kaleidoscope. Besides the ace flag, some tokens of recognition include the ace of spades and a black ring worn on the middle finger of the right hand. AVEN conducts a periodic, though necessarily unscientific, online Ace Community Census and publishes its results. An Asexual Day of Visibility is celebrated on April 6. There is also an ACE Week, held in October, marked by in-person conferences and other events
Awareness has grown. Ace individuals have featured here and there even in popular media, for example one character in the 2014-2020 Netflix animated series Bojack Horseman.
This isn't to say everything is now rosy.
Most people still are probably not even aware that asexuality exists. Dismissiveness, disbelief and real hostility are present, coming even from some in the LGBTQ community.
Ace individuals have been labeled as mentally ill. They've been subjected to attempted "cures" via medication, conversion therapy and "corrective rape." They've been mocked, along with nonbinary people, as an "Internet orientation" (fad). Informed that they're just "late bloomers"--into their thirties. Told that asexuality makes it easy to "pass," so they must not face any problems. They've been charged with neglecting the most important aspect of human life. Destroying "the family." Letting their community, and the human species, down.
And have seen this kind of unwanted attention:
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Voices
"So, having realized that I wasn't becoming interested in guys in the way that was expected, the next logical conclusion was that maybe I was interested in girls instead? ...I tried looking at girls, and thinking about girls, etc., but it didn't do anything for me either."
Mary Kame Ginoza, quoted in Decker, p. 106
"I've had sex. It wasn't a compromise. It wasn't solely for her pleasure. It wasn't to save the relationship. It wasn't a violation. I did it for me...because I wanted to experience it. On the whole, it was positive....I liked it. But...it didn't sexually awaken me...I didn't suddenly start feeling sexually attracted to her or anyone else. I felt like I was acting. That was nine years ago. I haven't had sex since. I don't miss it."
--Tom, quoted in Decker, p. 101
Avoidance [of lust] was easy for Hunter [in adolescence, growing up as a devoted Christian]....He did not consider that lust might not be a struggle at all, that he might have invented a struggle because he had been told that he must have something to struggle against. Today, now that he has told old friends that he is asexual,..."Hunter," they say, "you had the cheat codes the whole time." (Chen, p. 34)
"Sexual scripts are not second nature. We [asexual people] are aware of them...but the common tropes...do not represent our experience. We may have assumed that nobody actually feels that way...rather than suspect we are the odd ones out. Many of us are familiar enough with sexual scripts to use them in conversation, but we treat them like jokes or figures of speech."
--Rebecca, quoted in Decker, p. 174
"I do not want anyone mistaking me for someone they can convert, coerce, or persuade."
--M. LeClerc, quoted in Decker, p. 110
Demographics
Statistical studies of asexuality are limited. A commonly quoted estimate is perhaps 1% of the general population.
The 1-percent figure came from a...survey of eighteen thousand people administered in Britain [in 2004], with 1 in every 100 people agreeing with the statement, "I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone."...Anthony Bogaert has continued to study asexual people, and says the other samples he's reviewed up until [2013] suggest the figure is still somewhat accurate. (Decker, p. 6)
That this could be generalized is a very large assumption.
For instance, Boegart's study
found a "higher percentage (13 percent) of asexual individuals were also non-White relative to...sexual individuals (4 percent). (Brown, p. 169)
Making, however, that conservative assumption (for want of better), this would still mean about 3.47 million asexual individuals live in the U.S. today, and very roughly 80 million worldwide.
Many other commonly cited statistics come from the AVEN community survey, which is unscientific because the respondents include only people who already have some interest in the subject, have access to the Internet, are aware of AVEN, are aware of the survey at the limited times when it's open, and choose to participate. There is no way to know uf respondents represent a cross-sexction of asexual people.
So, while respondents skew young, that means little, because people who have grown up with the Internet are more likely to be online, as well as young people probably being more likely to be actively exploring their sexuality, and therefore seeking out this type of site. Not that older people are absent from AVEN and its forums.
In one online survey dating to 2011 for example (Decker, p. 100) only 22% of 3,436 self-reported asexual-spectrum respondents had ever had sex. But a large majority of the respondents, almost three-quarters, were under 25.
Considering the limitations, one apparent pattern has been that the largest number of people identifying as asexual are female. Men have appeared to be in the minority. On the order of 25% identified themselves as nonbinary or otherwise not checking either box.
Asexuality is an assumption-buster
Assumption 1: Sex is essential to a worthwhile, adult life
"If man were deprived of sexual distinction and the nobler enjoyments arising therefrom, all poetry and probably all moral tendency would be eliminated from his life....Sexual feeling is really the root of all ethics."
--Richard Freiherr von Kraft-Ebbing, Psychopathia Sexualis (1906), quoted in Brown, p. 155
During my freshman year in college, my psychology professor said, "Everything is about sex. You are here, at this university, in this class, because you want to have sex." Snickers came from every corner of the lecture hall...."You came to college so that you can go to parties, meet people, and have sex. And so that you can graduate with a degree that will allow you to get a good job, so that you can be an eligible dating and marriage prospect, and have sex." All around me, heads nodded while I sat in confusion.... (Brown, p. 43)
Bella DePaulo and Wendy Morris shared results from an investigation of attitudes towards singles in their 2005 article, "Singles and Society." DePaulo summarizes the assumptions seen present...as follows:
- "Just about everyone wants to marry.…
- A sexual partnership is the one truly important peer relationship.
- Those who have a sexual partnership are better people--more valuable, worthy, and important.…"
--Brown, p. 48
Sex was the problem [for Anna and Meredith, a trans woman and a cis woman in a relationship] from the beginning, apparent early on. Once, Meredith had said that everything was about sex.
Anna was shocked. What are you talking about? she asked. No, it's not!
Meredith was shocked in return and asked Anna what she meant and how she could not see that sex was everywhere. To Meredith, the presence of sex suffused the world. It was a vital energy that helped everything else make sense. To Anna, nothing was about sex. (Chen, p. 177)
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If you've hung on so far, thanks, and here's a preview of what I envision discussing in Part II.
MORE MYTHS
About attraction: Asexuals teach us that while some individuals can experience aesthetic attraction, romantic attraction, a desire for physical closeness, and other types of affinity all at once, toward the same person and in combination with sexual attraction, this is not inevitable, or even possible, for everybody. These are separate faculties that can be present singly, in combination, or not at all.
What does it mean to be "aromantic"?
About consent: Yes means yes and no means no, but asexuals force us to recognize that there are different flavors of yes; and their experiences might be useful to the others in negotiating their relationships too.
About relationships:
Love and marriage, love and marriage
Go together like a horse and carriage.
I can tell you, brother,
You can't have one,
You can't have one,
You can't have one without the other.
--"Love and Marriage," song lyrics by Sammy Cahn (1955)
Asexuals have been highly creative in forming different kinds of lasting bonds outside the typical partnership paradigm. Can others learn anything from that?
And what is "queerplatonic"?
Assumptions about individuals
So-and-so is never seen out on a date with anyone! They must be gay and in the closet! Or repressed. Or a religious nut.
Life must be very boring if you're asexual. (Probably not.)
And then, in closing I want to take a look at some of the stereotyped "objections" that have been used to dismiss, pathologize, or trivialize asexuality...including how those objections link to rascism, misogyny, marketing and more.
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Thanks for reading! If I'm not stuck offline, happy to answer any questions or comments this evening, and will check in Tuesday, worst case scenario. :-)
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