Trump Suggests Annexing Vatican After American Elected Pope: “If the Pope’s American, the Vatican is American.”
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — In what aides are calling a “faith-based geopolitical brainstorm,” President Donald Trump suggested that the United States should annex Vatican City—and possibly designate it as the 51st state—following the election of Pope Leo XIV, the first American pope in history.
“He’s from Chicago. That’s basically the Midwest of Catholicism,” Trump told reporters outside his Mar-a-Lago estate. “It probably should have been me, frankly. But if the Pope’s American, the Vatican is American. It’s very simple. That’s how it works.”
The election of Pope Leo XIV, born Robert Francis Prevost in 1955, came shortly after the death of Pope Francis, whose decade of global leadership ended with solemn tributes. Trump offered his own: “Francis was a good guy, quiet guy. A little bit of a left lunatic. But a good guy.”
Leo XIV, a member of the Order of Saint Augustine, served as a missionary in Peru and later as Prefect of the Dicastery for Bishops. His election on May 8, 2025, was widely seen as historic. Trump saw it as opportunity.
“Why not make the Vatican a state?” Trump added. “We’ve done a lot for religion. It would be the perfect merger of church and state—but only the good parts. It will be a city and a state. That’s never happened before. And we won’t even need to build a wall—they already have one!”
“I love Catholics,” he continued. “Some of the best people I know are Catholic. I’ve heard the guy who’s my Vice President is Catholic.”
Evangelical leaders were divided. Some praised the idea as a “divine realignment of power,” while others reminded Trump that Catholicism is still, technically, not Protestant.
Meanwhile, conservative media lit up. Fox News began a weeklong series titled “Was the Vatican Always Ours?” and one OAN segment displayed a mock electoral map showing Vatican City’s single electoral vote flipping red.
In Rome, Vatican insiders report that the Swiss Guard—traditionally clad in Renaissance-era striped uniforms—has been issued red MAGA hats. “We were told it was for visibility,” one guard said.
When asked what he would do first if the Vatican became U.S. territory, Trump replied, “Easy. Gold-plated confessionals. But tasteful. Very tasteful. And maybe repeal some of the Commandments. Everything is on the table.”
For now, the world waits. And the Swiss Guard remains on high alert, quietly practicing the Pledge of Allegiance in Latin. One anonymous cardinal was seen rereading the Treaty of Lateran “just to double-check.”
The Vatican has issued no official response to Trump’s remarks.
Update: The above is satire. Which, unfortunately, is becoming indistinguishable from the bizarre reality we are living in. How about this one: “Trump appoints Jeanine Pirro as US attorney for the District of Columbia?”
