I’ve debated writing a diary for a while now. I’ve made a few comments here and there, but wanted a more central place to organize my thoughts and arguments. It got a little larger in scope as I wrote and thought to include more things. Eventually I just realized I needed to publish it rather than continually refining it and adding more when I had thoughts and ideas. Also shout out to the Daily Kos team that allowed the username tweak, so I didn’t have to continue to stare at WarpedBob on the byline.
EDIT: Just realized I didn’t specify my pronouns since those normally follow my name which I have chosen not to reveal. I use they/them and she/her interchangeably.
Intro
Hello, I am a non-binary trans person with a femme leaning presentation. The diary picture is actually of me, taken by a friend. It was taken after she painted the stripes on that door to show support for me, when I was having a rough day. Part of me is a little terrified to put my picture out on the internet, but I realize people don’t always know what non-celebrity/non-drag queen trans people look like. I’m hoping my picture in the diary will add enough value to outweigh any harassment that may result from me inserting it here. Also if posting my picture on this site causes a ton of harassment to come my way, that will indicate that the situation in this community is worse than I thought. If you were reading to find my coming out story here, I’m sorry to inform you that trans people don’t always have to share our stories to be recognized. There is a short version in one of my comments somewhere if you are desperate to know, but please reflect on why you feel the need to know that information to recognize my trans-ness as valid.
This diary is a general response to some comments spread across several diaries in the last 6 months that attempt to highlight a connection from the election loss/unpopularity of the Democrats to support for trans rights. It is also in response to some of the comments I have seen that say “I support trans rights but I draw the line at________.” Now I haven’t seen too many people directly calling for Democrats to completely give up on trans rights on this website in particular, but there is talk of scaling back, toning down, shifting focus, etc. away from trans rights. There is also a questioning of how the Democrats got so tied to trans youth and sports. Additionally there are the Democratic politicians and even some trans people adopting more right wing framing on trans rights and I wanted to share some of my thoughts about some of it.
I acknowledge there is a lot going on in the world and want to say that I started this diary before the recent military deployments to blue cities, the supreme court decision on the Tennessee case and several other recent stories. I have struggled with the thoughts of whether it would be as important as the other diaries about other issues, but realize I keep looking for a diary discussing trans issues and the best way to have one exist is to stop procrastinating and publish this one.
Why is this such a “big” issue
First, to address the “why are Democrats so tied to trans rights,” it’s important to know on some level that right wing groups have been pushing this because they have poll tested these issues to find the positions that make voters uncomfortable. This is such a big issue because think tanks have figured out the weakest parts around these issues. This isn’t some organic issue coming about because Democrats are talking about it all the time. Which is why I am so confused by the people who just say that Democrats need to talk less about trans people and their issues and the negatives of Democrats supporting trans people will just go away. Talking less will not make Republicans suddenly give up trying to divide us. Talking less doesn't decrease the money/effort going into the anti-trans propaganda.
One of the main issues really was Democrats didn’t talk enough about trans people. Letting Republicans define trans people as threatening, troubled, confused, gross, etc., without anyone saying that was bullshit on a regular basis, was a mistake. The main ways to stop people from believing trans people are terrible and coming for their children, are to talk about/show them actual trans people. To my point, we had our first trans Representative in Congress elected this cycle, so it’s clear voters can accept us when presented with an actual trans person.
The majority of the problem lies in the imaginary trans people the Republicans have conjured. There have been polls where conservatives estimate the trans population as high as 20% or more. So clearly there is less problem with actual ~1% of the population that is trans and this additional imagined 19% is where the issue is. Democrats need to be better about not falling into the republican framing of how big this issue is, while listening to actual trans people about our needs and experiences. And yes I know this is easier said than done, but I don’t see many major politicians or the Democratic Party in general trying to engage. What I sense are a lot of politicians are more often trying to avoid talking about it lest they drop a soundbite that the right can use like the one they did of Kamala talking about trans medical procedures for inmates. I will point out that that soundbite wasn’t from the campaign or a major part of Kamala’s platform and it was Republicans using it as a talking point and there wasn’t much push back which allowed it to get so big. Now with A.I. they won’t even need past statements to put words in candidates’ mouths, so best to just address it so candidates are playing less defense to Republican talking points and more discussing their actual positions.
What are some of the issues
I’m pretty sure I don’t have the time or patience to go over all the trans issues that may have affected the election or are affecting discourse now. There are 4 main ones that I wanted to touch on in this diary. Each one could probably be a separate diary or more, but I’ll try and keep it brief. Depending on the response I may do a follow up or something like that if expanding on one or more of the topics seems relevant.
The issues issues I chose to highlight are:
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Care for the trans prison population and how to respond to the ethics around care denial
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The increase of publicly identifying trans children
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The increased awareness of trans participation in gender separated sports
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A Renewed focus on bathrooms and other single sex spaces
This is not exhaustive and I’m not claiming particular expertise on the topics discussed. However I am adding a trans voice to the discussion which is often missing.
Trans Prisoners
One of the issues from the election that has been acknowledged is the video clip of Kamala talking about surgery for trans prisoners. I don't think it ever had a true airing out and the Democrats ran away from it as fast as possible. The reason it is so effective is that trans surgery procedures often overlap with cosmetic procedures. But the answer to “do you support trans healthcare for prisoners?” is yes. Just like we would answer to a question about supporting diabetic care for diabetic prisoners, or pacemakers for prisoners with heart problems. Trans care is healthcare, and it is society's responsibility to care for those it incarcerates. Not to get too personal, but recently I have been exploring getting an orchiectomy (removal of the testes) because the way everything is going I am having fears that my access to HRT will be taken away and then I would have to experience the trauma of my own body betraying me. If being arrested and sent to jail means forced detransition I can’t see how that’s a good idea for anyone. Part of the issue is unique to the US with our private healthcare system. People are seeing it as an issue of fairness that prisoners shouldn’t have access to care and procedures that poor and even some middle class people can’t access. Again this is more highlighting of a failure of our healthcare system than it is a reason to not give prisoners healthcare.
Another part of the argument against letting prisoners transition is people fear that prisoners are using it as a way out of a harsher male prison environment. Now I can’t say it never happens but it sounds about as likely as an athlete transitioning to be better at sports. When you begin to understand what goes into a decision to transition, it is pretty clear these arguments don’t hold up well. Speaking briefly to my own decision to transition, I made the decision in the middle of the pandemic after I had been forced to stop working and got a closer interaction with my healthcare. It seems to me that being incarcerated might cause a similar disruption along with isolation from disapproving family members. I’m not saying that there aren’t some considerations and that people who are closer to non-binary might lean towards identifying as a woman to avoid the worst of men's prison, but it seems unlikely that people who aren’t trans are pretending to be in large numbers. Data on this isn’t the most straightforward considering for this diary I’m mostly checking google for statistics but the percentage of prison population that self identifies as trans seems to reflect the general population and would only be a sign of prisoners faking it if it was noticeably over-represented.
Trans Children
The subject of trans children isn’t simple, and it has become more complicated as information about trans people has become available to younger and younger people. At what age a person has a complete grasp of their sex, gender, and sexuality isn’t something that can be universally determined. I know I understood myself to be different at a fairly young age of around 6 or 7. Now it wasn’t until a few years later that I began to understand part of that difference had to do with my gender presentation and sexuality. What I do know is, if I was in high school today it would be hard for me to completely deny to myself that I was trans. Part of what kept me in the closet was a lack of information and role models that could show me coming out wouldn’t ruin my life or doom me to misery. Knowing this helps me understand the increase in young people identifying as trans. Hoping I don’t need to throw in the left handedness graph but I’ll drop it in the comments if people need me to.
If you believe in the validity of trans adults and that they are more than a lifestyle, fetish, religion, cult, etc., then believing trans kids don’t exist doesn’t follow. If being trans is an inherent part of identity, then it exists when we are children too. Now how soon to give kids puberty blockers and hormones is a different conversation than whether to believe children can know themselves enough to make a determination that they don’t want to go through the puberty of their assigned sex at birth. It feels cruel to me to say that trans individuals have to go through their assigned puberty to know for sure that they are trans. I have seen people argue that since some of their feelings about their sexualtiy shifted during puberty we shouldn’t disrupt what’s “natural” just in case the children change their minds after puberty. This really comes down to needing to listen to the children and not trying to force them to be a certain way because of what was written on their birth certificate.
Trans Participation in Sports
Out of all these sections this one is probably the main reason I’m bothering to write all this up. Seeing several comments saying that the commenter supports trans rights but trans people participating in sports is something they can’t support made my ADHD brain spin trying to come up with a way to lay bits of this information out that might shift any of them. Part of me is tempted to try and put up all the statistics but really if someone says they support trans people but can’t be bothered to check out that data for sports participation on their own, I’m pretty sure most statistics will just bounce off as being cherry picked. Putting in a quote from one of my facebook posts, “In an interview I watched between Francesca Fiorentini and Lavern Cox, Laverne Cox mentioned how all these little things add up to normalize discrimination and are the foundation of a permission structure to deny us rights. Because if you can keep trans girls out of sports you start to separate them from the experience for "normal" people even more.” If you swear trans girls shouldn’t play sports with cis girls when else do you believe they should be separate? And again a lot of this is from a kinda screwy gender separated system for sports in the first place. Before puberty I can’t see much physical ability based reasoning to separate girls and boys. And then when it goes to darts, fencing, chess, etc, it gets even murkier on why you are keeping trans girls from competing with their peer group.
If you are in the camp that it’s just “common sense” to have trans girls compete with the boys and trans women compete with the men then I don’t know what to say. That “common sense” is just vibes, and I can’t argue you out of vibes and feelings. Feel free to leave a comment and maybe I can try to convince you but if what I’m typing here doesn’t get through, then I’m not sure you are a person I can reach.
Bathrooms etc.
Originally I had only intended to touch on three things but looking at some current stories in the news about beatings or incidents around bathrooms I was reminded that we are still having this argument too. People should be able to pee where they feel most safe and comfortable and there shouldn’t be gatekeeping or having to prove genitals etc. At this point I feel it’s obvious but maybe it needs saying. Having men think they need to protect women by keeping suspected trans women out of the bathroom is way more disruptive and open for abuse, than just letting trans women pee in peace.
One personal anecdote about bathrooms. About 3-4 months into publicly being out I was still using the men’s bathroom. I was worried about making women uncomfortable and justifying it to myself that being non-binary meant I shouldn’t feel like I needed to use the women’s even if I was on a more estradiol based HRT. I was washing up and a young man came into the restroom, took one look at me, and did a heel turn. He then went back out and double-checked he was in the men’s restroom. He then came back in, gave me one more look and went about his business. Right then I realized people were going to look at what I was wearing and the fact that I had noticeable breasts way before they start noticing subtle face shape or vocal things. And I would get way less looks and reactions like that if I mainly used the women’s restroom. Upon reflection I realized any increase in scrutiny of me while I’m using the bathroom is just increased hassle and increased risk. Which all really boils down to challenging people in the bathroom is not a good idea and is less safe for almost anyone involved.
How far “under the bus?”
Now here’s the part where I say trans people shouldn’t be under the bus. I know, big surprise. It’s not just because I don’t want to be “under the bus”, but because from all I have read and considered there is no magical scenario where the Democrats distancing themselves from trans people and their rights, will improve the situation in the country. If you have other theories I’m open, but most of the time the arguments I’ve seen won’t really help the country. They might make some people more comfortable in the short run but none is really a net gain for the country. Democrats fully going Republican-lite and chasing the GOP voters doesn’t help. We need to be firm and clear with our messaging and it can’t be “we aren’t quite as bad as the other team.” If we can’t push back against the Republicans saying trans people are indoctrinating children, what are the centrists and undecided voters left to think? They are often left to think Democrats agree with Republicans, or at least don’t have any strong arguments able to refute the points raised. That's the danger of not pushing back. When we are quiet we leave a lot of room for the Republican narrative to grow unimpeded. Also I really don’t believe the magical scenario I’ve seen articulated of Democrats rejecting trans people and then turning around and giving us our rights back once elected. If they are elected based on oppressing us, their voters will expect them to keep oppressing us. Not to mention the untold damage that would be done to the public perception of trans people in the meantime.
More thoughts on current issues and framing
Slight tangent but I tried to watch the interview between Ezra Klein and Sarah McBride but it was too frustrating. I tried to read the transcript and was able to read decent percent of the way through it before the website demanded I subscribe. In the interview Sarah McBride talks to Ezra Klein of compromise. Sorry for the lack of quotes but I don’t feel like fighting with the NYT website or giving them money. After reading her responses on compromise I’m left asking, who are we compromising with? How can you compromise with people who don’t want you to exist? Do we vow to only live in certain states or cities, or only openly be trans on even days on the calendar? Do we say that if the public doesn’t agree with the medical professionals we can’t get certain treatments, or that after a certain number of suicide attempts we can access care?
I think what bothers me is that people are treating this as new territory like it’s the gay marriage argument and trans rights are something new that we need to fight to attain. But really we are fighting to maintain rights we had until recently, against a right wing that wants us to stop existing with varying levels of severity on how they think that should be enforced. Trans people have been able to compete at the Olympic level since 2004. We have been using the bathroom without major incidents until recently conservative have been pressuring governments. These aren’t new rights and privileges. This is giving into pressure to segregate a group of people that conservative have actively pursued. Through their focus groups and message testing they have found a large enough group of people who feel uncomfortable with their descriptions of trans people to go along with enacting that segregation out of fear. While it starts with sports and bathrooms there is all indications it won’t stop there.
Coming back to that interview on the New York times website, the title is “Sarah McBride on Why the Left Lost on Trans Rights.” That title, plus the the other ones at the NYT for the SCOTUS decision on the Tennessee case that reference gambling, really seem to have accepted the right-wing framing that Trans people are actively trying to push an ideology and losing. It’s especially sick to characterize standing up to a state banning medical care as gambling. The only other option is to just give in. It’s a false choice to say that trans activists gambled by pursuing that case when the alternative is not pushing back. I will also say that by a mainstream media definition most trans people are probably automatically considered trans activists because we want to continue existing and we don’t just lie down and take abuse and welcome the trampling of our rights.
At this point I think the diary is migrating a bit from my original intentions. I kept hoping someone would post something more eloquent than what I have here, but after almost a month since I started this diary as a way to vent my feelings a bit, I realize I need to just publish what i have and see what happens. I realize this is probably a bit long and rambling for a first diary, but that’s just how my brain works sometimes. If you have read to the end, thank you for reading my first diary. I’m sure I’ll be in the comments if I get comments/questions/etc.
My protest sign from the “No Kings” rally
