[Tap Tap] Is This Thing On?
Good morning. Before we start our day, we have a few announcements:
» Due to a delivery error, the main breakfast entrée in the C&J cafeteria is no longer eggs Benedict. The new entrée is steel-belted radials and your choice of hash browns or toast.
» Remember that it’s never too early to check your voter registration status.
» The President of the United States says he hates you.
» Jimmy Kimmel reminds you that the President of the United States may be referred to as, among other things, "Nostra-Dumbass," "MAGA Theresa," "Dopey McGropey," "Hair Mussolini," "The Notorious P.I.G.," "General Lie-Senhower," and "Alexander Scamilton."
» And last but not least, today is the official start of The Rapture. Please pack light, make sure that the hole you cut through your roof is large enough to accompany all your family members at once, and to prevent delays make sure you have your ticket ready to be punched by Kash Patel at the gates of Valhalla.
Have a sunshine day. That is all.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, September 23, 2025
Note: This is my public apology for suggesting that the on-air staff at Fox News should be “involuntarily pants’d.” Even though my approval rating went up by nearly 60 points among all the citizens of the world and I was showered with chocolates and flowers moments after I said it, it was the wrong thing to do and I regret my actions. —Bill
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4 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Halloween: 38
Days 'til the 44th Honey Bee Festival in Palo Cedro, California: 4
Year-over-year drop in visits from Canada into Maine during August: 30%
Amount of energy coming into Lithuania from Russia, now that they (Lithuania) cut the Kaliningrad power lines: 0
Date Jimmy Kimmel Live went on the air: 1/26/03
Number of Kimmel shows that aired before his show was paused by Disney/ABC: 3,588
Percent chance that Trump's war on free speech is so Hitlerian that even Senator Ted Cruz says, "It is unbelievably dangerous for government to put itself in the position of saying we’re going to decide what speech we like and what we don’t": 100%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Ralphie the unstoppable retriever…
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CHEERS to a proportional response. The barbarians are at the gate again, and this time they brung lawyers with them. After its first failed attempt to hoover up all of Maine's voter data, Pam Bondi and her Gestapo goons are giving it the ol' college-dropout try again. And like last time, our Secretary of State is having none of it:
Maine Secretary of State Shenna Bellows (D) Wednesday fired back against the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ), which is suing both her state and Oregon in an attempt to obtain private voter registration data.
Pam Bondi: jump here.
“We stand by the integrity of Maine election officials at both the state and local level,” Bellows said in an exclusive interview with Democracy Docket. “Maine ranks consistently at the top of the nation in voter turnout because our voters have confidence in the strength of our systems. DOJ is targeting Maine and Oregon for political reasons. We won’t back down.”
“I say it again today: Go jump in the Gulf of Maine.”
But only after we have a chance to heave some chum in the water first.
CHEERS to world peace...or a semi-close approximation thereof. If it's autumn in New York, that means it's General Assembly time. All the leaders of the universe are assembling at the United Nations this week for the 80th time in the annual contest to see which one can be the biggest public nuisance.
True Fact: The land for the United Nations building was donated by me without regard for its net worth. Also I paid for the third flagpole from the left.
This year's event likely won’t be as looney-toons as it was back when we had some real unstable goofballs wandering the hallways: Hugo Chavez (dead), Muammar Ghaddafi (dead), Mahmud Ahmadinejahd (now working the fry vat at the Tehran McDonald's), and that Bolsonaro fella from Brazil (now convicted for inciting an insurrection and destined for 27 years of jail time). The closest we’ll come this year is if Israeli war criminal Benjamin Netanyahu and Argentina’s oddball Javier Milei show up. Oh, and Captain Cankles. Can’t forget Captain Cankles.
Something to watch for: how many countries officially recognize Palestine as a nation. Then, as custom now dictates, the General Assembly will close the session later this week with their time-honored tradition: the annual shredding of the diplomats' unpaid parking tickets.
CHEERS to a fresh new criminal ready for deportation. I took the liberty of ordering an orange jumpsuit and a parachute for this illegal, who should be dropped over an El Salvadoran (or Ugandan, if you prefer) torture prison as punishment for conducting his toxic brand of crimey business within our shores:
In an undercover operation last year, the FBI recorded Tom Homan, now the White House border czar, accepting $50,000 in cash after indicating he could help the agents—who were posing as business executives—win government contracts in a second Trump administration, according to multiple people familiar with the probe and internal documents reviewed by MSNBC. […]
So vile that flies won’t even swarm around his maw.
On Sept. 20, 2024, with hidden cameras recording the scene at a meeting spot in Texas, Homan accepted $50,000 in bills, according to an internal summary of the case and sources.
Homan, the love child of Fred Mertz and every villain in Scooby Doo whoever snarled, "I woulda got away with it if not for you darn kids," will in fact get away with it because FBI director Kash Patel has dropped the case. To be fair, he has an excuse: he ran out of time reviewing the evidence before the spa attendant called his name for his daily seaweed wrap. Life, man. Not enough hours.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to great moments in naval warfare. On September 23, 1779, during our War of Independence, Commodore John Paul George Ringo Jones, aboard the U.S.S. Bonhomme Richard (named as a tribute to Ben Franklin) engaged the British man-of-war Serapis in the North Sea. It was during this battle that Jones uttered the immortal words, "I have not yet begun to fight." Less known was the response from his crew: "Wild guess: you're a Trump."
CHEERS to the chilling season. Yesterday afternoon at 2:19 EDT the autumnal equinox got its groove on and stole summer's mojo. Right on cue the flannel shirttails are now flappin' in the breeze and the trees are prepping to become nature's end-of-year fireworks display—earlier and more brilliant up here than usual, they say:
If you’re reading just the headlines, the 2025 fall foliage forecast for New England sounds positively radiant. Accuweather’s fall foliage forecast calls for “vibrant displays” across the region, and highlights New England as one of the best places for leaf-peeping in the U.S. this year. [...]
Historically, the oranges and reds typically arrive earlier at higher elevations, which means trees in the mountainous regions of Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine turn first. It also usually takes a few weeks for the same colors to show up in Southern New England, including the Boston area.
Welcome to Daily Kos Forest. Beware of trolls.
For 2025, foliage forecasters are calling for a brilliant flash of reds that will arrive earlier than usual, will spread across New England more rapidly than usual, and will disappear more quickly than usual.
The best time to see the leaves in New England always varies by region, but for 2025, a general suggestion would be to bump up your usual leaf-peeping trip by a week.
Still, the transition to The Nippy Side does make everyday life more of a challenge, like having to put on ten individual pairs of Gore-Tex toemuffs anytime we go outside, not to mention knitting tiny hats and scarves for the squirrels. Here at the BiPM household we observed our usual equinox tradition last night: slurping a quart of steaming clam chowder strained through a flannel shirt into a dirty L.L. Bean boot. Because that’s just how we roll in these parts, bub.
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 23, 2015
JEERS to today's edition of Great Moments In Uncomfortable Conversations. Buckingham Palace, Monday morning…
Aide: You Majesty, I'm afraid I have a bit of news to report from 10 Downing Street, and it's a little awkward.
The Queen: Well, spit it out Reginald. I've been on this throne for sixty-three years and I've heard it all. Go on, then…
Aide: Yes, well…it appears that the conservative Prime Minister, David Cameron, has been caught…well… f*cking a dead pig.
The Queen: Reeeeally???!!!
Aide: Yes. I'm…I'm afraid so, mum.
The Queen: My goodness, that is shocking.
Aide: We…we thought you should know.
The Queen: Well, put the kettle on and let's all thank god at least it wasn't a plate of haggis.
Aide: Yes, mum.
This has been today's edition of Great Moments In Uncomfortable Conversations.
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And just one more…
JEERS to using your pet as a human shield. On September 23, 1952, in perhaps the earliest demonstration of the power of political persuasion via the boob tube, Ike's VP candidate Richard Nixon delivered a milestone in televised ass-covering when he gave his famous Checkers speech on national TV. Talk about laying it on thick:
“I should say this, that Pat doesn't have a mink coat. But she does have a respectable Republican cloth coat, and I always tell her she would look good in anything.
One other thing I probably should tell you, because if I don't they will probably be saying this about me, too. We did get something, a gift, after the election.
“You are not a crook, Dick. Yet.”
A man down in Texas heard Pat on the radio mention the fact that our two youngsters would like to have a dog and, believe it or not, the day before we left on this campaign trip we got a message from Union Station in Baltimore, saying they had a package for us. We went down to get it. You know what it was? It was a little cocker spaniel dog, in a crate that he had sent all the way from Texas—black and white, spotted, and our little girl Tricia, the six year old, named it Checkers.
And you know, the kids, like all kids, loved the dog, and I just want to say this, right now, that regardless of what they say about it, we are going to keep it.”
Noting his blatant disregard for the law, the FEC hauled his ass off to jail, where he languished for 40 years and afterward couldn’t get even elected to the municipal sewer commission...
[Poof!!!]
Whoa. That was a great dream while it lasted.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"You can't ask for a more beautiful backdrop than the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool. So, it's no surprise that some couples choose this picture-perfect setting for their weddings."
—Eve Chen, USA Today
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