Following its, ah, “global” release yesterday (well, 27 countries actually, but let’s not quibble) and based on unanimously poor reviews, it was always guaranteed that “Melania” was never going to set the box office alight. However, in spite of its universal condemnation, it was sort of half-expected that at least it would have a reasonable outing in Melania’s home country of Slovenia - but if first indication are anything to go by, then this utter turd of a film is pretty much going to meet the same sticky end as everywhere else here in Europe.
Slovenia is a small southern Alpine country (roughly the size as New Jersey) with a population of 2 million of whom ca 300k live in the capital city Ljubljana. In such a close-knit space, you would think that its second best-known cultural export (*) would be viewed with at least some interest or curiosity, but if ticket sales in Slovenia’s largest cineplex, the brand-new 12-screen Odiseja in Ljubljana, are anything to go by, then punters are voting with their feet and steering well clear.
“Melania “ has three screenings per day at the Odiseja for a total of 668 seats — late afternoon, early evening & mid-evening, no quiet times these. As I’m nursing a crippling Man-Flu (sniff) and with nothing else to do, I thought I’d take one for the team and monitor ticket sales via their website until each show began and the first results for yesterday and today are now in — these being Friday & Saturday which, like the world over, are prime going-out days.
Yesterday (Friday) saw a total of 60 seats being sold, barely 9% of total seats available, while today shows a total of just 46 seats sold, 7% of total seats available. Tomorrow (Sunday) shows just 28 seats sold in advance so far and on this current trend line it’ll be a minor miracle if the cinema manages to shift that up to 5% of of total seats.
So, the opening weekend in Slovenia’s no.1 cinema for a film touting the, um, remarkable achievement of an average home girl from the local ‘hood climbing up the, er, shiny pole to, ahem, straddle the most powerful elected official in the world has generated all the enthusiasm of a crowd of pensioners rubbernecking a small frog sunbathing on a rock . . . oh weh!
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(*) For anyone wondering who Slovenia’s best-known cultural export is, that would be the incomparable Laibach, visionary grand masters of the vanished Yugoslav avant-garde — seen here covering the seminal “Life is Life” in what has to be the most awesome tourist video promo not only of Slovenia, but of any country, ever made.
Should I ever start my own independent republic, this track would be its national anthem and would be played at the birth & death of every citizen.
