Party Time in El Paso
C&J EXCLUSIVE! We take you now LIVE for exciting coverage of a very special event. Here’s Chet…
"We're here at little Tommy Snodergrass's 5th birthday party, and we can just see a happy little red balloon wafting towards us in the distance. That is one gorgeous party balloon, and everyone's excited to see it, especially little Tommy. In the distance, for reasons yet unexplained, we’ve spotted DHS Secretary Kristi Noem looking in the balloon’s direction with binoculars. She’s pumping her fist now, for some reason…
The gorgeous balloon, a special gift for Tommy from the staff and management at Party Central, is happily bobbing in the air as everyone watches and takes video of this happy event with their phones, and…
Oh, my, it's burst in flames!!! Flames from…. I think it's a laser! Yes, a military laser beam! And now the U.S. Army, which has just arrived on the scene, is shooting at the balloon with missiles and anti-aircraft fire. Soldiers are shooting at it. And now they've scrambled F-16s who are firing their helium-seeking missiles from every side…
This balloon is now in tatters….oh my, get out of the way, please…and this poor latex orb, once so proudly wafting aloft to celebrate little Tommy's 5th birthday is now crashing down onto the picnic table in flames, ruining the potato salad and the cheesy poofs. The crowd is horrified at this spectacle of chaos a carnage as Secretary Noem appears to be high-fiving her lieutenants. Oh, the humanity…."
On the bright side, the cake’s still intact. At least until Hegseth sends in the 101st Airborne.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, February 17, 2026
Note: Today is Random Act of Kindness Day. I just bought one of my squirrels a BMW. Does that count?
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By the Numbers:
38 days!!!
Days 'til the next nationwide No Kings protests: 38
Days 'til the Florida Strawberry Festival in Plant City: 9
President Trump's approval rating among 18-44 year olds, according to Quantum Insights polling: 27%
Number of FBI employees who left the bureau last year, according to the U.S. Office of Personnel Management: 3,063
Number of the remaining agents who are still busy redacting materials related to the Epstein files: 1,000
Rank of immigrants from Angola, Ecuador, and Congo among the highest number of refugees scooped up by ICE in Maine: #1, #2, #3
Percent chance that the FCC investigated complaints by MAGA House members of "gay porn," "women gyrating provocatively," and "pure smut" in Bad Bunny's Super Bowl halftime show and declared them worth pursuing: 0%
Current U.S. Olympic Medal Count
Gold: 5 Silver: 8 Bronze: 4
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Puppy Pic of the Day: A canine reminder that St. Patrick's Day is just a month away…
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CHEERS to drowning in an ocean full of blue waves. I don’t focus a whole lot on poll numbers, especially this far out from a major election (259 days and counting), but it would appear the American public really doesn’t fancy having a mush-brained moron at the helm who fervently fancies fascism. Yesterday number cruncher Harry Enten—think of him as CNN's Steve Kornacki—came out of his socks over the proof:
"I got four [Trump approval] numbers across for you on this screen here. They are all second-term lows for the given pollster.
AP-NORC: 26 points below water.
“I recognize those kinds of numbers,” said Nixon’s ghost.
NBC: 22 points below water.
Yahoo-YouGov: 20 points below water.
Quinnipiac: 19 points below water.
There’s this question that folks keep asking, you know, ‘Where is the floor for Donald Trump?’ … When you’re 27 points underwater, with the center of the electorate, with independents, you lose, your party loses. At this point, I don’t really know who to even compare Donald Trump to because he’s just so low, and he’s so low with the center of the electorate.”
How about…Jeffrey Epstein???
CHEERS to building a separate sandbox to play in. As we continue to wait…and wait, and wait…for the Supreme Court to rule on the legality of the taxes levied on Americans by Mad King Trump in the form of "emergency" tariffs, a big chunk of the rest of the world isn't planning to sit around with their thumbs up their tuchuses:
An economic plan from world leaders could reduce the impact of Donald Trump's tariff policy worldwide, insiders say. […]
The earth. Clearly still flat as a pancake.
Both the European Union and members of the Comprehensive and Progressive Agreement for Trans-Pacific Partnership, including Canada, Mexico, and Australia, are keen to stand against Trump's economic policies and their effects on the wider world.
A Japanese trade official said, "We see a lot of value in increasing trade among the EU and CPTPP parties, which would also contribute to enhancing supply chain resilience."
It's us against the world. Go world.
CHEERS to legal libations. On this date in 1933, the U.S. Senate passed the Blaine Act, which effectively ended prohibition. Who says Christmas comes in December?
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to galactic takesie-backsies. Yesterday C&J reported to you that, when asked about whether or not space aliens exist, former president Barack HUSSEIN Obama said—and I quote—“They’re real." Well, one day later…..
Former U.S. President Barack Obama said he did not see evidence that aliens “have made contact with us,” after sending social media abuzz by saying aliens were real on a podcast over the weekend.
For pulling such a bait-and-switch betrayal, I must say my feelings are hurt, so I'm officially joining the MAGA movement as an act of rebellion. I've officially slapped a Confederate bumper sticker on my newly purchased rusted-out pickup truck, invested the rest of my money in TrumpCoin, and sucked all the vaccines out of my system. (But fair warning: if I catch a bad case of windmill noise cancer anytime soon, I'm going back to the Democrats.)
CHEERS to Mardi Gras! Nothing but decadence and gluttony on the schedule today as Americans celebrate the religious observance of, um, decadence and gluttony. (I'm a bit behind in my Bible studies—half a century to be precise.) As I understand it, if I display some boobs you'll throw me some beads. Right? Okay then, check out these babies:
I'd like my beads to be made out of non-fungible tokens, please.
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Twenty years ago in C&J: February 17, 2006
"SPLOT!" to the cellar dweller. That would be the sound of President Bush's post-State of the Union non-bounce. He actually dropped from 43 to 40 percent in the past month, according to the brand-new Harris poll. For those of you keeping track at home, his February approval ratings since 2001 go like this: 56, 79, 52, 51, 48, 40. And now you know at least one lottery ticket combination that's a guaranteed loser.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to second chances. If 2026 hasn't gotten off to a good enough start for you, here's good news: you get a do-over! Starting today, the Chinese calendar flips over to a new year—4724. Specifically, the Year of the Horse. If you were born in 1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, or this year, welcome to your life:
With a natural aversion to seeking others' counsel, (and impatient with those who offer advice unbidden) horses are the masters of their own destiny. And their characteristic energy and stamina ensures that they will never rest until a personal goal is completed.
“Happy new year. Pffffffffffplt!”
On the negative side, the horse's fierce independent streak may sometimes translate into hotheadedness and almost childlike temper tantrums. Their impulsiveness may also have friends and loved ones scratching their heads as the horse speeds off in all directions -- doing or saying things right out of the blue.
Here's an easy way to tell if a member of the MAGA cult was born during the year of the Horse. If their tail gets in the way when they talk, you're lookin' at one.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“I don’t think Bill in Portland Maine has confidence in Bill in Portland Maine. He isn’t confident enough to engage in anything but name calling in a kiddie pool."
—Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY)
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