Late Night Snark: 2016 Flashback
Most of the late-nighters were on hiatus this week (notably not: Stephen Colbert, who left CBS and the FCC crying in their censorship pudding over the Talarico interview). So let’s set the wayback machine back to a simpler time—February 2016—before the giant orange meteor struck:
"At a rally in Baton Rouge, Donald Trump signed the hand of a toddler. The message read sweetly and simply: Deport Me."
—Michael Che, SNL
Clip of Sen. Mitch McConnell: This [Supreme Court] vacancy [created by Antonin Scalia’s death] should not be filled until we have a new president.
Samantha Bee: Yes. Because what better way to honor America's greatest champion of original intent than by wiping your obstructionist ass with the very document that he held so dear. Let's just have a vacancy for a year because some chinless dildo wants a justice who will use his gavel to plug up your abortion hole.
—Full Frontal
"Ted Cruz's [Iowa caucus] victory last night raises a lot of questions. Like, one: can he keep this momentum going into New Hampshire? And two: just how much does it cost to move to Canada?"
—James Corden
The only wayback machine worth a damn.
“Donald Trump came in second with 24 percent, and Marco Rubio is right behind him with 23 percent. Third is pretty good considering the fact that most Iowa voters think that Marco Rubio is a game you play in the swimming pool.”
—Jimmy Kimmel
"U.S. officials say that the satellite North Korea launched into orbit is tumbling and incapable of functioning, earning it the nickname Marco Rubio."
—Colin Jost, SNL
"In Michigan Governor [Rick] Snyder's inbox of terribles, one email mentions a [Flint] resident who said she was told by a state nurse in January 2015 regarding her son's elevated blood level: ‘It's just a few IQ points…it's not the end of the world.’ I'm afraid this lead poisoning will make kids so dim they'll end up being like the governor of Michigan."
—Larry Wilmore
“According to a new report, Americans spent more money last year on legal marijuana than they did on Doritos and Cheetos combined. Or as pot smokers call that: a salad.”
—Seth Meyers
Stephen Colbert: You travel coach and you always travel in the middle seat. Why is that?
Senator Bernie Sanders: Because we couldn’t get the aisle or the damn window, that's why.
Colbert: Do you think America itself is in the middle seat right now, metaphorically speaking?
Sanders: Metaphorically speaking, people are being squeezed, no question about it.
—The Late Show
Good times.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, February 20, 2026
Note: Today is National Handcuff Day. It’s a timely reminder that neither Elon Musk nor a member of the Trump family should ever find themselves in cuffs. Because only medieval stocks surrounded by tomato-throwing peasants will do.
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By the Numbers:
15 days!!!
Days 'til we move our clocks ahead: 16
Days 'til the San Diego Festival of Science and Engineering: 15
Manufacturing jobs created during Joe Biden's presidency: +600,000
Manufacturing jobs lost during Trump's 2nd term so far (after losing 100,000 jobs during his first term): -100,000
Factor by which Elon Musk's Robotaxi's crash more often than taxis driven by humans: 4x
Percent of humans who have a third nipple: 5%
Percent of the lyrics in The Beatles’ Hey Jude that are, respectively, “na’s” and “Jude’s”: 46%, 9%
Current U.S. Olympic Medal Count
Gold: 9 Silver: 12 Bronze: 6
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…
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CHEERS to getting' what'cha got comin' to ya. Big news, ladies and gentlemen. You remember that little insurrection that the president incited a while back? Remember how ugly it got? Remember all the hearings that proved the president's guilt? Remember how leaders from across the political spectrum expressed shock and anger, demanding the president be punished with great harshitude? Yesterday the president's day of reckoning arrived. Sadly, not ours:
Former South Korean President Yoon Suk Yeol was found guilty of leading an insurrection on Thursday and sentenced to life in prison for his brief imposition of martial law in 2024, a ruling that marks a dramatic culmination of the country’s biggest political crisis in decades.
And forget about the $200 for passing Go.
The conservative leader was ousted from office after he declared martial law and sent troops to surround the National Assembly on Dec. 3, 2024, in a baffling attempt to overcome a legislature controlled by his liberal opponents.
Our insurrectionist president, meanwhile, got reelected. Because while our country might be chronologically mature by 250 years, our intellectual and ethical maturity are still busy picking and eating boogers in their crib.
JEERS to serving up scrambled eggs to a room full of scrambled brains. Yesterday morning the world watched for a maximum of two seconds the first meeting of the Trump suck-ups known as the Board of Peace. It was a splendid affair—I'm told the word "peace" was used at least once. And the participating world leaders known for their 24/7 dedication to peace (Pakistan! Hungary! Egypt! UAE! North Korea soon, probably!) were unified in their message to King Rottinghand: "Here, take our money and let us continue jailing murdering our innocent citizens in peace, okay?" And with these faithful Epstein-class lieutenants on hand to enforce compliance, the affair was pure joie de vivre. Except in English, dammit, SPEAK ENGLISH!!!
Representing the U.S. were Trump, Vice President JD Vance, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, U.S. Special Envoy Steve Witkoff and the president's son-in-law and adviser, Jared Kushner.
“You’ll be dead soon, Gramps, and I shall take what is rightfully mine, including your chocolate cake.”
Trump is expected to announce a multi-billion-dollar reconstruction plan for Gaza, along with contributions from board members, with the president saying over the weekend that so far more than $5 billion had been pledged, without identifying the countries that have pledged the funding.
After the Board of Peace adjourned, they went back to signing his name on all the bombs he intends to drop on—let's see here—Iran, Syria, Colombia, Venezuela, Canada, Greenland, all the EU nations, and Stephen Colbert. In the distance, the Nobel committee took turns shooting themselves in the head.
"CHEERS!" to fixing the worst domestic mistake in American history. On February 20, 1933, Congress proposed the 21st Amendment, which would repeal the 18th (also known as "that no-good stinkin' prohibition"). Once it was adopted, the booze again flowed free and unfettered. C&J will be performing a historical reenactment of that moment in our living room later this evening. Same as we do the other 364 days of the year.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the Miracle on Ice. We'll file this item under "Up Yours, Putin." Forty-six years ago Sunday, on February 22, 1980, the U.S. Olympic hockey team out-skated and outwitted the "unbeatable" Soviet team at Lake Placid, stunning everyone by beating them 4-3. I remember walking around afterward in a t-shirt with a Russian bear getting knocked in the head by a puck and the caption: "Puck You, Russia!" (I'm still surprised my schoolmarms didn’t have a problem with the thinly-veiled F-bomb.) Thankfully, with maturity and the passage of time, I've traded in that ratty old shirt for a sensible Brooks Brothers button-down. It says "Hey, Remember When We Kicked Your Ass in 1980, Russia? That Was Puckin' Awesome!" Because, y'know, we all have to grow up sometime.
CHEERS to home vegetation. A quick roundup of boob-tubage for the final weekend of February. Things get started tonight with Chris Hayes and the gang parsing the Friday news dumps on MS NOW. (Although isn’t every day a Friday news dump day these days???) The Olympics continue on NBC. There’s a new episode of Penn & Teller: Fool Us! at 8 on the CW. At 8:30 the guest on PBS’s Firing Line is Jon Meacham to discuss “lessons of American history, threats to democracy today, and his book American Struggle.”
The final Olympic snow maze competition is tomorrow. The winner is the one who emerges alive.
The new movies and streaming options are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (Sam Rockwell’s Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die is currently getting boffo reviews, and if Melania makes $60 million this weekend it’ll finally break even.) The NBA schedule is here, NHL schedule is here, and the Olympics will be running all weekend on NBC with the closing ceremony Sunday night at 8. (My verdict on the last two weeks in Italy: Bene! Bene!
Sunday on 60 Minutes: a report on how the FCC is banning from broadcast the show’s third, fourth, sixteenth, 25th and 43rd minutes, all of which will rack up over 10-million views on streaming services. At 8 Chris and Brian perform a lobotomy on a social media-crazed Stewie on Family Guy (Fox). And the weekend gets wrapped up with a snarky bow on HBO, with new episodes of A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms and John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Blessedly preempted, and thank you Olympians for your service.
I hope Gavin reads some of his Trump tweets Sunday.
CNN's State of the Union: Governor Gavin Newsom (D-CA) brings the PAIN to Trump’s delicate fee-fees; Rep. Mike Lawler (Fascist-NY).
This Week: U.S. Trade Representative Jamieson Greer; Governor Josh Shapiro (D-PA); pundit talking heads talk about the SCOTUS tariffs decision; other pundit talking heads talk about other stuff.
Face the Nation: A governors panel featuring Andy Beshear (D-KY); Mike Brain (Fascist-IN), Laura Kelly (D-KS); and Mike DeWine (Fascist-OH).
Fox Fascism Sunday: Rep. Wesley Hunt (Fascist-TX); House minority leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY); Sen. Jim banks (Fascist-IN).
Happy viewing!
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Twenty years ago in C&J: February 20, 2006
JEERS to the big picture. As a lot of intelligent folks have already pointed out, VP Dick Cheney's hunting accident itself isn't the controversy—it's the secrecy, stonewalling and inconsistencies surrounding it, and thus a perfect microcosm of the Cheney/Bush administration. Defense attorney and former U.S. House of Representatives General Counsel Stanley Brand said this last night on Countdown:
“It's emblematic of what this administration has done. They stiffed Congress on Katrina records. They claim executive privilege every other minute on eavesdropping and everything else. They are secretive to the max. They just don't think anyone has authority to look at what they do, whether it's the Congress of the United States or some sheriff in Texas.
Well, that's exaggerating just a tad. It's really more like every other minute and a half. [2/20/26 Update: Twenty years later, Republicans still can’t handle the truth.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to #1. George Washington’s adventures during our country’s founding year of 1776—starting in Boston routing the redcoats and ending in Pennsylvania strategically retreating from them—was a pinball game of victories and routs punctuated by both strategic cunning and sheer luck. And mud. Lots and lots of mud.
Washington in one of his happier moods.
Thanks to him, we booted the British and formed our own republic which, despite an insurrection in 1861 and another one in 2021 by the heirs of the same nitwits, endured until 2025. So even though we’ve become a monarchy again, don’t forget to say "Happieth Birthdayeth" to ol' George Sunday—294 years old and still alive!
(Disclaimer: actual aliveness limited to the hearts of his countrymen. See warranty for details.)
From the day he took office, Washington knew that corruption and special interests would be a fact of life in the halls of power. (Today Republicans would obstruct him at every turn because "We’re still troubled by all the unanswered questions about that cherry tree” and then hold 18 months of committee hearings—the Clintons would also be subpoenaed.) The last American president to hold office, President Joe Biden, followed in the footsteps of the Father of our Country in many respects:
As president, [Washington] was particularly sensitive to the diverse interests of the new country and fervent in his efforts to prevent its fragmentation. [...]
Also in GW’s plus column: big fan of vaccines.
He promoted roads, canals, the post office—anything and everything that would bind the different states and regions together. …
Never taking the unity of the country for granted, he remained preoccupied throughout his presidency with creating the sinews of nationhood. … Washington, more than anyone, promoted the sense of Union that Lincoln and others would later uphold.
—From To the Best of My Ability, edited by James McPherson
Roads. Canals. Postal service. Or as the GOPers call them: handouts for the takers. But thank god the lamestream media was on the case to call Washington out on his caliphatic socialist takeover agenda designed to destroy the soul of America:
[H]is critics believed he wanted to become another “King George.” The Philadelphia Aurora, one of the major opposition papers, in 1796 editorialized: "If ever a nation was debauched by a man, the American nation has been debauched by Washington. If ever a nation was deceived by a man, the American nation has been deceived by Washington."
—From Rating the Presidents by William Ridings Jr. and Stuart McIver
Washington wasn't perfect. He lied at times. He schemed at times. He threw tantrums. There was that whole owning other human beings thing. But considering he didn’t have much of a POTUS playbook to work with, and no predecessor whose brain he could pick over an evening of bowling and beer, he did okay. Now shine up yer buckles and pay your respects to"#1" here. And then go forth this weekend and take advantage of his awesome mattress sales.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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