Wednesday Morning Calisthenics
Ready for some upper-face strength training? Via Google, here’s a list of what and who the headlines say are currently "raising eyebrows”…
The ‘Gang of 8’ meeting ahead of Trump’s State of the Union...King Charles’ body language...Trump’s Arctic hospital ship offer...USA hockey star Dylan Larkin’s Olympic Village reveal...Dunkin’s spring menu update...Senator Ron Wyden’s two-sentence to the CIA director...the Russian Embassy’s ‘Victory will be ours’ banner in South Korea...the Phillies’ $11.8 million pre-agreement with an 11-year-old shortstop...the Department of Transportation’s AI rule-writing decision...Gucci’s open use of AI to promote Milan Fashion Week...the recall survey in Sand Springs, Oklahoma...Iowa’s AP Top 25 ranking that shows Michigan still ahead...Homeland Security’s $70 million luxury “deportation jet”...and Ethan Hawke’s risqué response to a question about eating in bed.
Feel the burn? Just wait ‘til tomorrow when we trot out the latest list of what and who are "pointing fingers."
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, February 25, 2026
Note: If you stare at today’s C&J wearing cardboard glasses with one red lens and one blue lens while simultaneously looking through a separate green lens at a distance of no less than 4.3 miles, you will discover secret encoded messages of a sensitive nature related to what’s for dinner tonight. —C&J Dept. of Optical Trickery
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8 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til spring: 24
Days 'til the 51st Maine Fishermen's Forum in Rockland: 8
Trump's approval among Latinos polled by CNN one year ago and now, respectively: 41%, 22%
Trump's approval among independent voters one year ago and now: 41%, 26%
Miles of the east coast that were under blizzard warnings Monday: 600
Miles of roadway that Philadelphia has to clear during snowstorms: 2,500
Percent chance, according to CNBC, that Trump's promised $2,000 "tariff dividend checks" will show up in your bank account: 0%
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 177 (including 4 volcanoes and 1 APB alert on the Big Guy). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Woozle adores adopted pootie mama…
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CHEERS to well-deserved demotions. The 5,000% tariffs? Gone. The 2,676% tariffs? Also gone. The 150% tariffs, 100% tariffs, 75% tariffs, and 50% tariffs? Gone, gone, gone, and gone. Heck, the Supreme Court even took away the Baby King's 40%, 30%, and 20% lollipops. And now look at the little toddler, balling up his tiny fists in his crib and crying about The Unfairness Of It All. But, hey, at least they let him move on to a new ancient law that…well, let's just call it a five-month participation trophy:
President Donald Trump's reworked global tariffs began Tuesday at a rate of 10%, even though he said over the weekend that they would start at 15%. […]
Republicans raised your taxes. Never forget.
Hours before the sweeping tariff took effect at 12:01 a.m., U.S. Customs and Border Protection sent a memo informing importers that the rate would be 10% at first and that it would apply to "every country for a period of 150 days, unless specifically exempt," starting at 12:01 a.m. ET Tuesday.
A White House official confirmed to NBC News that the message to importers was correct.
Mark it down in the history books, everyone: U.S. Customs and Border Protection actually got something right. (And we hear they got extra points for remembering to use their spellchecker.)
CHEERS to standing up against evil. A gold star this week (and an automatic spot on our Friday "Who Won the Week" poll) to Ryan Schwank, a former trainer of ICE agents who ditched the agency over orders from Kristi Noem to train new recruits as poorly as possible, sic them on the public, and lie about it all. No dice—for Mr. Schwank, all that was a fascist bridge too far. And this week he did what a patriotic, conscientious, law-abiding American should do in his situation: he went to Congress and blew a big ol' whistle…
"For the last five months, I watched ICE dismantle the training program, cutting 240 hours of vital classes from a 584 hour program, classes that teach the Constitution, our legal system, firearms training, the use of force, lawful arrests, proper detention and the limits of officers’ authority.
American hero.
They ceased all of the legal instructions regarding use of force. This means that cadets are not taught what it means to be objectively reasonable, the very standard which the law requires them to meet when deciding whether or not to use deadly force.
But one ICE class was actually added to the curriculum, and it's been a big success: How to Accessorize Your Camo With the Perfect Skeleton Mask.
P.S. Fuck ICE up, down and sideways…
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Aliya Rahman, woman who was dragged out of car by ICE in Minneapolis: "I've spent the last month learning the names of the tendons in my shoulder, because both of my shoulders are torn -- cartilage and tendons. But what I haven't learned is the names of the people who did this to me."
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) 2026-02-24T18:21:44.705Z
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
CHEERS to being a fly on the wall. One can only imagine what really happened on February 25, 1793, when George Washington held his first cabinet meeting at his estate at Mount Vernon. But one thing is certain: Hamilton was convinced that Jefferson's mother wore combat boots, and Jefferson was positive that Hamilton would be best served by irrigating his nose with a rubber hose. I believe the president sent them both to bed without supper.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to sticky fingers. During this week in 2007, two Picassos worth some $66 million were swiped from the Paris home of the artist's granddaughter. Three thieves were caught the following August. When asked why they stole the paintings, they said they’d gotten tired of looking at their “Hang in there, it’s almost Friday” cat poster all day.
JEERS to “the speech.” I'm going out on a huge limb here, because it's still Tuesday morning and yet I'm already writing my summary of Mad King Rottinghand's speech last night to a joint session of Congress: it sucked. A bunch of hokum and bullshit wrapped up in nationalistic language that might as well have come from the Aryan Mad Libs for Dummies. It was stilted, stunted, uninspired, dry-drunkenly delivered, and pointless. Now folks on both sides will go back to their respective corners and continue proving that the United States is a failed experiment in representative democracy for the foreseeable future. On the other hand, this was fun…
Good trouble.
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Twenty years ago in C&J: February 25, 2006
JEERS to Bush's baby. The president's three-year-old child, Iraq, is turning out to be a persnickety li'l rascal:
At least 47 people, some of them prominent Sunni Arab clerics, were killed in revenge in Baghdad in the chaotic 24 hours following the bombing Wednesday morning of one of Shiite Islam's holiest shrines, in the town of Samarra, an Interior Ministry official said on Thursday. At least 40 more bodies were found south of Baghdad, and more were being discovered throughout the day across Iraq.
The sad part: if the Barney videos don't placate `em, we're gonna have to resort to Ritalin.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Deep Thoughts...by Jack Handey. Like Stephen Wright, he can cram more beautiful, bizarre absurdity into a sentence or two than most people can in a thousand. His books, which I've dog-eared to death, have a place of honor on my bookshelf. Without further ado, here are a few of our favorite Deep Thoughts to celebrate Jack’s 77th birthday:
» Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
» For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness.
» I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
Happy birthday, Jack.
» If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
» I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.
» Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess was why several of us died of tuberculosis.
» I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because do you hide from it or not.
» If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been.
Have a deep Wednesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“Splashing in the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool is the traditional exercise needed to grow your biceps.”
—Jeremy Loenneke, PhD, University of Mississippi
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