Thursday Morning Mockery
Fun little post-Supreme Court backstabbing bon mot from the folks at The Lincoln Project.
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We now return you to our regularly-scheduled demand for all of the Epstein pedo-files.
And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, February 26, 2026
Note: I once met a man named Oscar who was married to Emmy and they had a son named Tony who liked to spend time with his Grammy. Ironically, they were all a bunch of losers.
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By the Numbers:
8 days!!!
Days 'til Easter: 38
Days 'til the Midwestern Herb and Garlic Show in Mt. Vernon, Illinois: 8
Points by which Democrats polled by BGSU/YouGov are more enthusiastic about voting in November than the MAGA cultists: 18
Amount that AI added to the U.S. economy last year, according to Goldman Sachs: $0
Number of Olympic gold medals won by, respectively, American and Canadian men’s hockey teams through the years: 3 / 9
Inches of snow that fell on Central Park Monday: 20"
Number of body parts that don't contain blood vessels: 2 (Cornea, cartilage)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
I'm sorry to say this, but anyone who reads the newspapers regularly and notices the number of religious figures accused of child molestation and other abuses will not be surprised to learn that religious social service programs are like other social programs: Some are good, and some are not.
Pretending that they are all somehow superior to state social services doesn't help anything. … As that great orator, the late Texas state Rep. Billy Williamson of Tyler, once declared during a debate over state aid to Baptist-sponsored Baylor, "Yew CAAAAAAAN'T trade the cross for the cookie jar!"
And this is the policy record that has been pronounced a triumph by the Washington press corps.
—February, 2001
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Wiley goes snow diving...
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CHEERS to order in the court. After falling flat on his face at the State of the Empire address (a ratings disaster, I hear), Mad King Rottinghand got whacked with the business end of a gavel yesterday as a judge informed him that, no, you can't just scoop up people off the street and immediately catapult them out of the country and into places where they have no connection:
“This case is about whether the Government may, without notice, deport a person to the wrong country, or a country where he is likely to be persecuted, or tortured, thereby depriving that person of the opportunity to seek protections to which he would be undisputedly entitled,” U.S. District Judge Brian Murphy wrote in what is likely to be his final ruling on the merits of the case.
Also makes a great nut cracker.
The case originated after eight migrants were removed from the United States with the intended destination of South Sudan in March but were instead rerouted to Djibouti. The eight migrants did not have South Sudan or Djibouti as the listed country on their final orders of removal paperwork, and immigration advocates filed a lawsuit in an attempt to get them back to the U.S. for due process […]
Murphy also ordered the Trump administration to provide “meaningful notice” before any removals to third countries to give people due process and time to challenge their removals.
Y'know, every time I think that we should deport the entire Trump administration with no notice to some other country, I think, nah, that wouldn’t be fair. To the other country, I mean.
CHEERS to fun with numbers. The Mad King's jaw-jutting State of the Empire address is finally in the rearview mirror. And right on cue, gallons of ink are being splashed hither and yon on—you guessed it—the "takeaways." Let us strap on our virtual jetpack, head over to Google News and see who's away-taking the mostest:
The New York Times: 6 takeaways
The Hill: 5 takeaways
Axios: 4 takeaways
AP: 7 takeaways
Reuters: 6 takeaways
NPR: 5 takeaways
The best takeaway. Always.
Al Jazeera: 6 takeaways
Fast Company: 8 takeaways
Oregon Public Broadcasting: 5 takeaways
NBC News: 3 takeaways? Slackers.
The Chicago Sun-Times: 6 takeaways
The Washington Post: 4 takeaways (down from 6 due to budget cuts)
CNBC: 5 takeaways
My takeaway: Mussolini would be proud, sir. Now…let's talk about those missing Epstein documents accusing you of forcing a girl to suck your pelvic mushroom, and when she refused you punched her in the head. Oh, where to start?
JEERS to the 2/26 that was our 9/11 before 9/11 was our 9/11. On February 26, 1993, a bomb went off inside a parking garage under the World Trade Center in New York. Six people died and over a thousand were injured. It was a real test for newly-minted President Bill Clinton who, as I recall, caught the evildoers and threw 'em in jail. And we all lived happily ever after. Right? (I've been pretty busy the last 33 years...)
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to boys and their destructive toys. 123 years ago today, in 1903, the inventor of the rapid-fire Gatling gun, Richard Gatling, died. His last words: "Of course it's not loaded. I took the NRA safety course. There’s no way I’d be sitting here cleaning my Gatling gun if it was lo...” I hear he received many thoughts and prayers.
CHEERS to letters from the C&J mailbag. The ink just dried and I'm mailing it off right after lunch because I’ve had it with this guy:
Dear Senator John Fetterman of Pennsylvania,
Go to Hell, you lying, scolding and profoundly weird turncoat. Joe Lieberman would be so proud of you. So would Kyrsten Sinema. Hell, Joe Manchin has probably had you over to his houseboat to toast you with champagne for stabbing your party in the back so often with such giddy glee.
Unbelievable that I once applauded you at a Netroots Nation convention as you vowed to “tirelessly” fight for progressive values with “everything I have.”
In sum: WTF?
Sincerely,
Bill in Portland Maine
P.S. If there's a chance that your stroke might be responsible for turning you into MAGA-lite, please resign immediately and get the help you need. I can recommend a good doctor. He cleans his rusty bone saw daily.
As always, on the actual letter I dotted all the i’s with little hearts.
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Twenty years ago in C&J: February 26, 2006
JEERS to same day, same liar. Donald Rumsfeld assures the world that we've stopped paying to have the Iraqi press run pro-U.S. articles in their papers. Oops...it turns out we're not. Rummy's excuse? ”I just misstated the facts.” Amazing...he doesn't even pretend anymore.
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And just one more…
JEERS to socialism on our roadways. Makes me so mad! The government takes our hard-earned money and then turns around and "distributes" its services to everyone equally. Like, for example, how they build public streets and then "distribute" their use to the vehicles of all the unsuspecting drivers. Even worse, look at how they send out large trucks with attached blades to distribute “snowplowing services” to those streets. My god, where will it stop? Next thing you know, they'll be offering the public the right to distribute "names" to those plows, and ohhhhhh I wish I were joking…
Okay, who stole the e from Zeppelin? Give it back!
Heckuva job, Minnesota. Or should we now start calling you…..Mini Moscow?
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"Bill in Portland Maine is just a guy, folks. OK? He's not a superhero. He can’t snap his fingers and change everything. Just like I couldn’t snap my fingers and just jump right into the C&J kiddie pool."
—Dan Bongino
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