Late Night Snark: The State of the Union is Zzzzzzzzzzzz… Edition
"Last night Donald Trump gave the longest State of the Union address in history, just beating out Harry Truman's performance of The Vagina Monologues. But, honestly, it didn’t feel long. It felt endless. One reason that the speech went so long was because Republicans kept interrupting for applause breaks, which Trump would just bask in, rotating back and forth like he was stuck in oscillating fan mode. Guys, he's stuck, how do I get him back to regular…do I push or do I pull? "
—The Daily Show's Desi Lydic
"Here's the real state of the union: we have a nutjob wannabe king who's doing everything he can to censor opinions he doesn’t want to hear. He has his goons arresting, incarcerating, and killing American citizens. He's cut funding for cancer research and children's hospitals while he rakes in literally billions of dollars for himself and his family. He's coming after our right to vote. He's protecting pedophiles and won’t explain it. He's lining the pockets of billionaires, all while neglecting the sick, the poor, the hungry—in the name of Jesus, by the way, who you can read all about in the Donald Trump edition of the God Bless the USA Bible that is made in China and available for 99 dollars and 99 cents. That is the state of the union."
—Jimmy Kimmel
“Trump was shut down by the Supreme Court after they ruled that he’s not allowed to impose sweeping tariffs on every country. Yep, the U.S. may have to pay back 140-billion dollars. Trump was like: I’m gonna be honest, it’s all tied up in ballrooms right now.”
—Jimmy Fallon
”According to a new report, the UFC fight scheduled to take place this summer on the White House south lawn will feature a weigh-in at the Lincoln Memorial. Wow, you gotta work pretty hard to be the worst thing that’s ever happened to Lincoln.”
—Seth Meyers
"According to multiple law enforcement sources, Kristi Noem repeatedly claimed that ICE deported a cannibal. It was completely made up. Noem's lie started in June—so, three faces ago."
—Stephen Colbert
And one year ago:
“That’s how you do it. Forget singing, forget dancing, this is how you confront Trump: with tipsy aunt energy.”
—The Daily Show’s Desi Lydic, on Maine’s flinty governor Janet Mills growling “We’ll see you in court” at a White House event.
Governor Mills did see Trump in court. And she did kick his ass.
And now, our feature presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, February 27, 2026
Note: I’ll be damned if I’m going to shirk my sworn duty to say Happy Birthday to all the “Leaplings” born on February 29th (the next one happens in 2028) including Pope Paul III, Jimmy Dorsey, Dinah Shore, grifter Anthony Robbins, Ja Rule, and renowned composer Gioachino Rossini (the Lone Ranger theme guy), and undoubtedly some members of the Daily Kos community. We see you! And many blessings on your camels.
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By the Numbers:
8 days!!!
Days 'til the next nationwide No Kings protests: 29
Days 'til Penn Cove Musselfest in Coupeville, Washington: 8
Portion of Mainers polled by the University of New Hampshire who want a ban on ICE goons using masks to hide their faces: 6-in-10
Number of minutes the Mad King spent on "affordability" during its State of the Union speech Tuesday night, both of which it spent mocking the word itself: 2
Percent of Democrats and Republicans, respectively, polled by ABC News/WaPost who say they are "absolutely certain" to vote in the congressional elections this year: 79%, 65%
Percent of Canadians polled by the Angus Reid Institute who are against Alberta seceding from Canada: 79%
Rank of the Theme from S.W.A.T. (Rhythm Heritage), 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (Paul Simon), and You Sexy Thing (Hot Chocolate) on the top 40 charts 50 years ago this week: #1, #2, #3
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Blizzard dogs will melt your heart…
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CHEERS to bringing a gun to a knife fight. The Republican stooges who run the House Oversight Committee thought they were being clever by calling in the Clintons to give depositions related to the Trump-Epstein files. But chairman James Comer and his MAGA no-nothing cohorts know that Bill and Hill are superior in both logic and intellect, so they did the deed behind closed doors to avoid embarrassment. The depositions happened in secret…but only against the wishes of the witnesses:
"I will not sit idly as they use me as a prop in a closed-door kangaroo court by a Republican Party running scared," Bill Clinton wrote in a lengthy post on X. "If they want answers, let's stop the games & do this the right way: in a public hearing, where the American people can see for themselves what this is really about." […]
Just substitute in “Trump-Epstein Scandal Committee”
"It is something that needs to be totally transparent," Hillary Clinton said during a panel appearance at the Munich Security Conference earlier this month. "I've called for, many, many years, for everything to be put out there so people can not only see what is in them, but also—if appropriate—hold people accountable."
I don’t want to say Republicans on the committee didn’t get what they wanted. But it's probably a bad sign that Bill and Hillary left the room cracking their knuckles while showing off their new His & Hers necklaces made out of James Comer’s teeth.
JEERS to stupid mad dictator tricks. Oh, Kim Jong Un, you little tease. North Korea's top weirdo may only be 42, but given his chain smoking and fondness for gluttony, his heart is probably more like 80. So choosing a successor is never too far from his mind, and this week he may have sent out a not-so-subtle secret clue as to who might fit the bill:
[S]peculation is growing that he is grooming his teenage daughter to succeed him one day, fueled in part by their matching outfits at a military parade. […]
Another award Trump will never win: The Nobel Giddiest Megalomaniac Prize.
“When his young daughter is wearing the same symbolic attire, it’s hard to see it as a coincidence,” Lim Eul-chul, a professor at the Institute for Far Eastern Studies at Kyungnam University in Seoul, told NBC News.
“It is more likely to be a deliberate move to tell the North Korean public that Kim Ju Ae is her father’s heir.”
After hearing about Jong Un's little message of succession, J.D. Vance immediately staked his own claim in the United States by walking around wearing an adult diaper and banging on the back of his hands with a meat tenderizer.
CHEERS to green-lighting the gals. On February 27, 1922, the all-male U.S. Supreme Court unanimously upheld the 19th Amendment that gave women the vote. Shortly after, their wives finally released them from their chokeholds.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the Buckeye State. I was hatched at Mercy Hospital in Mount Vernon, Ohio in August of 1964, and that makes me—for better or worse—a dyed-in-the-wool Buckeye. So it goes without saying that Sunday I'll be wishing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my home state—223 years young. Seven mostly-unremarkable presidents from Ohio were elected, and you all wisely stopped nominating us after Harding kicked the bucket in 1921. It's the only state whose flag is a pennant. And we're the proud birthplace of Steven Spielberg, Neil Armstrong, John Glenn, Orville Wright, Clark Gable, Gloria Steinem and one or two others.
Mercy Hospital in Mount Vernon, Ohio. I insisted on being born in the mansion next door so as to avoid contact with the commoners.
Oh, and in the interest of fairness I should also mention that some people say Nebraska was admitted to the union on Sunday’s date in 1867. Can't say I'm familiar with it, but I'll take 'em at their word.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Kind of a quiet week for TV. The gang at MS-NOW kicks things off by unpacking all the Friday news dump bon-bons. Or there’s a new episode of Penn & Teller: Fool Us on the CW. The guest on tonight’s Firing Line (8:30, PBS) is Mark Cuban, who talks about how fighting the insurance companies in a new way can radically improve our healthcare system. And for murders, murders and more murders, you can always count on 20/20 (ABC) and Dateline (NBC).
The rabbit family is happy enough with radio, thank you.
The most popular movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NBA schedule is here and the NHL schedule is here. The NCAA Image Awards air tomorrow night at 8 on CBS. Stand-up comedian Connor Storrie (Heated Rivalry) hosts SNL with musical guest Mumford and Sons.
On 60 Minutes: a report on the start of the annual migration of monarch butterflies and how artificial intelligence is ruining the world of art. Peter and Lois enter a new round of therapy on Family Guy (8pm, Fox). There’s a new Jason Bateman comedy series starting up tonight at 9 on HBO called DTF St. Louis. And the weekend wraps up at 11 with another award-winning edition of John Oliver's Last Week Tonight, also on on HBO. How convenient.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Rep. Ro Khanna (D-CA); Senator Lindsey Graham (Fascist-SC) raves about the pudding at his new nursing home; Steve Kornacki has new midterm primary poll numbers.
Sunday on “This Geek”: this geek.
This Week: Former U.S. Ambassador to NATO Lt. Gen. Doug Lute (Ret.); Former Commander of the U.S. Army Space and Missile Defense Command Lt. Gen. Dan Karbler (Ret.); Professor of International Affairs & Middle East Studies at Johns Hopkins University Vali Nasr.
Face the Nation: Omani Foreign Minister Badr Albusaidi.
CNN's State of the Union: Disgraced CENTCOME commander David Petraeus, the general who showed his mistress top secret documents (remember that?); former special presidential envoy Brett McGurk; JFK’s grandson Jack Schlossberg;
Fox Fascism Sunday: Rep. Dave McCormick (Fascist-PA); Senator Tim Kaine (D-VA); North Carolina MAGA Senate candidate Michael Whatley.
Happy viewing!
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Twenty years ago in C&J: February 27, 2006
JEERS to bait-and-switch games. Columnist David Broder—who runs hot and cold with C&J—reveals a budget gimmick the Bush administration is using to lie about the true cost of making their disastrous tax cuts for the wealthy permanent. It's a bit complicated, but we'll sum it up: they're trying to hide one trillion dollars. But if you or I miss a few bucks on our form 1040 they'll string us up by our thumbs. It's good to be the King.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to rhymin' Simon. Happy 219th birthday to poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, born February 27, 1807 in—oh, wow—Portland, Maine! He liked to walk to Portland Head Light for inspiration, and people reckon that's where he wrote his famous poem, The Lighthouse:
The rocky ledge runs far into the sea, and on its outer point, some miles away, the lighthouse lifts its massive masonry, A pillar of fire by night, of cloud by day.
Even at this distance I can see the tides, Upheaving, break unheard along its base, A speechless wrath, that rises and subsides in the white tip and tremor of the face.
Portland Head Lighthouse, commissioned by George Washington, is where Longfellow wrote “The Lighthouse.”
And as the evening darkens, lo! how bright, through the deep purple of the twilight air, Beams forth the sudden radiance of its light, with strange, unearthly splendor in the glare!
Well, he ain't no Dr. Seuss or Sticks Nix Hick Pix. But not bad. Not bad.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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