The Week Ahead
Monday The House and Senate reconvene after their Memorial Day break. Republicans arrive with their baseball bats and dreams of perpetual one-party rule with an iron fist. Democrats arrive with…um...oh, surprise us.
Senator Joe Manchin implores his Republican colleagues to support an infrastructure bill. Republicans flip him the bird.
Tuesday The NFIB Small Business Optimism Index for May is released. In a welcome sign that things are improving, the envelope it comes in is filled with glitter.
Senator Joe Manchin beseeches his Republican colleagues to support a voting rights bill. Republicans give him a swirlie.
Continued…
Wednesday Postmaster Louis DeJoy announces a new efficiency model for postal delivery by having all mail sorted by Darlene in Bismarck because "she's a great gal—a real go-getter."
Senator Joe Manchin grovels before his Republican colleagues to support an immigration bill. Republicans drop trou and invite him to pucker up.
Almost forgot: today is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day. President Biden says: “Eat up, ladies and gentlemen, no joke.”
Thursday Parts of planet Earth enjoy the sight of a partial solar eclipse, which is what happens when the desolate, lifeless moon gets in between Earth and its primary source of life and thriving civilization. It’s the 2016 election of celestial events.
Senator Joe Manchin begs his Republican colleagues to support a climate action bill. Republicans dangle him from a rooftop by his ankles.
Friday The University of Michigan's May consumer sentiment report comes out. Economists express optimism as the mood climbs from "flamboyantly indifferent" to "outlandishly nonplussed."
In a furious op-ed published in every major newspaper, Senator Joe Manchin criticizes Democrats for failing to find common ground with Republicans.
Have a great week—I dare you. And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Monday, June 7, 2021
Note: A quick update on our July 10 New England meetup that we announced late last week. Unfortunately the venue we originally booked crapped out on us, so we're now in the process of locking in a new restaurant. We'll post details as soon as they're available and we're assured we won’t be re-crapped on. Thank you for reading and BUY BONDS! —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
3 days!!!
Days 'til the partial solar eclipse: 3
Percent of Americans who said they were "very" worried about getting COVID on Joe Biden's first day in office and today, respectively, according to Gallup polling: 50%, 20%
Percent in the same poll who said they were "optimistic" about the COVID situation on Biden's first day and today, respectively: 19%, 84%
Percent of Montana's Blackfeet Nation Tribe that has been vaccinated, versus 40% of the state overall: 98%
Earliest possible date Trump can get his Facebook account back, after its oversight board concluded that he remains a risk to public safety: 1/7/23
Close of the Dow Industrials on Friday: 34,756
Year that sales of compact discs peaked: 2000
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Freedom…..!!!
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CHEERS to a exciting news on a boring topic. Heyyy…let's start our Monday morning off by talking about tax policy. What could be more eye opening? It's actually kinda cool, because it signals that the United States is back in the leadership business. The CliffsNotes version: The Biden administration is looking for consensus on minimum tax rates. And Joe's getting a thumbs-up ahead of his overseas trip next week:
President Joe Biden has now given hope to such a policy, supporting a global minimum corporate tax rate of 15%. The question at this point is not so much whether there will be a deal in this regard, but when it will be confirmed. The rules are not only expected to have an impact on taxation, but also on other fronts, including on how the U.S. deals with China. […]
By god, they’re gonna try.
“Take any issue that is a problem from Washington’s point of view when it comes to China: currency, intellectual property, the origins of the pandemic, behavior in the South China Sea, Xinjiang. ... All of these are important to various degrees to Washington. And they’re important to the Europeans, too,” Jeremy Ghez, affiliate professor at H.E.C. Business School in Paris, told CNBC on Thursday. "Biden believes that with a broad coalition, you may be able to push China down a more constructive path. International pressure---that is, pressure not coming from Washington only---could prove useful on any of these topics.”
After a quiet weekend in Joe Biden's America, boring old tax policy leads the news. How exciting.
JEERS to the stupidest analogy of the year. And it's not even close, as a federal judge rules that California's longstanding assault-weapons ban is unconstitutional:
Judge Roger T. Benitez, who has favored pro-gun groups in past rulings, described the AR-15 rifle, used in many of the nation's deadliest mass shootings, as an ideal weapon.
This calls for an immediate ban on Swiss Army knives.
"Like the Swiss Army Knife, the popular AR-15 rifle is a perfect combination of home defense weapon and homeland defense equipment," he wrote in Friday's decision.
Gov. Gavin Newsom was indignant in a statement late Friday. "The fact that this judge compared the AR-15—a weapon of war that’s used on the battlefield—to a Swiss Army Knife completely undermines the credibility of this decision and is a slap in the face to the families who’ve lost loved ones to this weapon," he said.
Although I admit Judge Benitez is correct when he says the Swiss Army Knife makes excellent homeland defense equipment. Why, just last week our 2nd Armored Corkscrew Brigade headed off an attack by the terror cell al Cabernet. (And don’t get me started on how we defeated the Ant People out on the sidewalk with our magnifying glasses…)
JEERS to eye-rolling moments in history. 91 years ago this week, in 1930, The New York Times took a huge step forward in the civil rights movement. I do believe audible gasps were heard across Manhattan when the editors agreed to start capitalizing the 'N' in"Negro." So to refresh our collective memory:
negro = old, unacceptable usage.
Negro = new, acceptable usage.
And we all lived happily ever after.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to alien overlords who play Hide-and-Go-Seek. My opinion is, the UFOs our military aviators keep seeing (and filming) flitting around our planet are just biding their time—taking notes, snapping recon pics, doing the important prep work before they bring in the invasion force from the dark side of Mars. I could be wrong, but it would be the first time, so…I'm just saying. But here's what the Deep State thinks is going on:
U.S. intelligence officials have found no evidence that dozens of unidentified aerial phenomena documented by Navy pilots are alien spacecraft, according to details from an upcoming government report published by The New York Times.
I say we give ‘em a chance. They might have excellent tort reform policies.
Despite the findings, the long-awaited report doesn’t explain decades of unusual sightings in American airspace and doesn’t firmly discount the theory that they might be alien in nature. […]
The report includes details from more than 120 incidents documented by Navy pilots over the past 20 years and heavily focuses on how difficult it still is to understand the objects, which pilots said can accelerate or change direction in unexplainable ways.
But one thing we all agree on: To Serve Man is definitely a cookbook.
CHEERS to changing the nameplate above the front door. On today's date in 1775, "United States" was chosen to replace "United Colonies" as our country’s official name (beating out "Bubbaland" by one vote). But the colonies themselves were far from forgotten—the 13 stripes representing them on our flag take up the vast majority of space, with the states relegated to a modest blue box. By the way, if you need some parchment at bargain basement prices, there's still ten thousand boxes of "United Colonies" stationery in the Independence Hall supply closet. Thanks for the advance notice, management. :-(
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Ten years ago in C&J: June 7, 2011
CHEERS to throwing your hate in the ring. Failed former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum made it official yesterday: he's bolstering the economy by keeping America's fact checkers workin’ overtime as he makes his run for the White House. Santorum's vision for America: more sick, more poor, more hungry, and special parking spaces for blastocysts. He swears on his well-worn Bible that he's "In it to win it." If by that he means getting his butt kicked by every other candidate in the race, I like his chances!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to today’s homework assignment. Listen to this for four hours straight while stoned and let me know what happens:
This will be 60 percent of your final grade. Good luck.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Mr Bill in Portland Maine:
I've just read Cheers and Jeers. It seems to me that you are a frustrated old man who wishes he could have been successful. When you write such poppy-cock it shows conclusively that you're off the beam and at least four of your ulcers are at work.
—Harry Truman
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