Take the C&J Insurrectionist Idiot Quiz—Part III
The rules are simple. Just guess which of these scenarios did or did not lead to the recent apprehension, plea, and/or subpoena of some of the Trump cult idiots who took part in the attempted overthrow of the U.S. government on January 6th. Good luck…
1. A Tampa-based Cliff Claven clone who desecrated the American flag by wearing it as a jacket while attacking Capitol Police officers sobs during his hearing because now he's a' scared of what's to become of him.
2. A "God fearing, country loving, law abiding, hard working Patriot" Indiana hair salon owner who was among the first in the Capitol and tweeted that she was "proud to be a part of it" now has the sadz because her town is ostracizing her even though it was Donald Trump, Jr. who told her to storm the Capitol like a God-shunning, law-breaking, mush-brained traitor.
Continued…
Hooray! More quiz down here!
3. Two cousins—"Mississippi Flag Guy" and "Kingston Ash"—are arrested for assaulting Capitol Police officers. No confirmation yet that they're kissing cousins, but…we're laying money on it.
4. Sixteen gerbils standing on each other's shoulders under a rubber Ivanka Trump suit are finally identified after one of them was caught on a hot mic bragging about it while running with a buddy on a giant stationary wheel and then ratted the others out.
5. Mom who boasted about "the Capitol building I'm about to break into" and her son—aka the "Airheads"—are found by internet sleuths and arrested by the FBI.
6. The St. Augustine man in the ski cap who grabbed a riot shield from a cop will not be charged with assault, theft, and trespassing. On account of he died. Probably covid.
7. Former Trumpies Dan Scavino, Steve Bannon, Kash Patel, and chief of staff Mark Meadows are served subpoenas to appear before the Jan. 6 Committee or face inherent contempt charges. They all say no. We’ll see what happens.
8. Ottumwa guy dressed as a giant can of Budweiser and claiming to be the reincarnation of a Roman centurion who rode an elephant through the Alps with Hannibal is arrested after hiring a skywriter to spell out HA HA YOU'LL NEVER FIND ME on his birthday.
9. A former congressional candidate sporting full military battle gear and surgical trauma shears is nabbed.
10. Olympic gold medalist wearing a Team USA jacket takes a swan dive into a jail cell despite destroying the phone and memory card he used to take pics in the Capitol.
Answers: All of them really happened except #4 and #8. (But we’re not ruling them out as a future possibility.) Our thanks to Joe Jervis at the Joe.My.God. blog for keeping track of how the idiotest of the idiots—well over 600 now—are getting rolled up.
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, October 12, 2021
Note: Remember back in 2005 when you asked me to remind you about the rolls in the oven? [Tap Tap.] Don't forget the rolls in the oven.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the full Hunter's moon: 8
Days 'til the Monarch Butterfly and Pollinator Festival in San Antonio: 4
Daily Covid-19 cases last week, versus its peak of 175,000: 95,000
Number of states (MI, MT, CO, MN, PA) in which Covid-19 cases are still rising: 5
Jobs added in September, according to the Labor Dept. (the official unemployment rate dropped to 4.8%): 194,000
Number of state AGs suing the Postal Service for its latest slowdown in service: 20
International box office gross of the long-delayed James Bond flick No Time to Die, including $56 million its opening weekend in the U.S.: $313,000,000
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Sooooooon...
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CHEERS to an early treat for Halloween. Hey, boils and ghouls. America's Maddest Scientist—Bwooha ha! Bwoo ha ha!—has some good news for the witching season this year:
Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation’s top infectious disease expert, said kids can go outside and enjoy Halloween this year thanks to vaccinations and a gradual ebbing of new COVID-19 infections after a devastating summer.
“I think that particularly if you’re vaccinated, you can get out there. You’re outdoors for the most part―at least when my children were out there doing trick or treating―and enjoy it,” Fauci said on CNN’s “State of the Union” Sunday. “I mean, this is a time that children love. It’s a very important part of the year for children.”
Fauci also says that families can have their Thanksgiving and Hannukah family gatherings, too, as long as everyone's observing safe pandemic protocols. But not Christmas because, of course, as we all know from watching Fox News, Biden canceled it.
JEERS to lessons not getting learned. This time it's Duluth, Minnesota where the great American melting pot is getting kicked over:
A group of parents is suing a Minnesota school system alleging that their Black children faced racist bullying and discrimination from students and staff, including racist slurs and physical attacks. One teacher allegedly cut off a student’s dreadlock and threw it in the trash, the parents say.
The suit, filed in April 2019, details a culture of racism at the school’s Raleigh and North Star Academy campuses and school officials’ refusal to address it. … The lawsuit said that white students bit, punched, kicked, pinched and spit on Black students and repeatedly called them the N-word. The white classmates also taunted them, calling them “negro” or “monkey” and telling them they “look like what’s inside a toilet.”
For more on this unfolding story, see every day in North America since 1619.
JEERS to kids without a conscience. Twenty-three years ago today, 21 year-old student Matt Shepard died after being severely beaten and tied to a fence outside of Laramie 5 days earlier by two aimless thugs with shit for brains. Matt was politically aware and we have no doubt he would have been all over social media. Meanwhile, the knuckledragger wing of Republican party—aka the Republican party—issued its annual helpful reminder today: "Please don't kill the gays—it leaves us with fewer people to feel superior over."
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to boogieing down in your Buster Browns. A little cultural and sports history in Boston yesterday, as the iconic Boston Marathon moved to Columbus Day for the first time. This year went mostly according to plan. Kenyan colonialist and central planner of the Deep State Barack Obama’s mind-control powers paid off in both the men's and women's division, moving us one step closer to total socialist domination:
Kenya's Benson Kipruto won the pandemic-delayed Boston Marathon on Monday when the race returned from a 30-month absence with a smaller, socially distanced feel and moved from the spring for the first time in its 125-year history. […]
Diana Kipyogei won the women's race to complete the eighth Kenyan sweep since 2000.
Marcel Hug of Switzerland won the men's wheelchair race earlier despite making a wrong term in the final mile, finishing the slightly detoured route just seven seconds off his course record in 1:08:11. Manuela Schär, also from Switzerland, won the women's wheelchair race in 1:35:21.
In the new C&J Kiddie Pool Splasher Division, Maudlin came in first by several miles. And, as usual, the winner of the Rocket Shoes division, clocking in at a record 2.57 seconds—was Geeky McNerd from MIT, who is expected to make a full recovery from a nasty case of windburn.
CHEERS to great performances. On October 12, 1960, Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev went ballistic at the United Nations, took off his shoe and pounded it on his desk. Two words: bug...dead.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 12, 2011
CHEERS to a fine start. You probably got this email, too, but let's pop a snip here so we can look back on it as a defining moment in the U.S. Senate candidacy of Elizabeth Warren:
In the first few weeks of our campaign, we raised $3.15 million, and the overwhelming majority of those contributions—96 percent—were $100 or less. More than 11,000 people here in Massachusetts contributed. These are pretty amazing numbers for our first official finance report, raised in a very short period of time, so you can understand why I want to say thanks a million—and more!—for this remarkable support. I couldn't do it without you.
Despite the incredible fundraising numbers, it's important to stress that Elizabeth Warren shouldn’t be thinking about measuring her Senate office drapes. I already called dibs. [10/12/21 Update: This just in—she won. And won again.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to people who don’t suck. Every Friday our C&J poll asks the Daily Kos community, "Who won the week?" It has become such an extraordinary weekly polling event that Gallup, Pew, Rasmussen, Quinnipiac and PPP have all named commodes in their washrooms after it. The WWTW poll is a little reminder that all is not lost on the third planet from the sun. And right on schedule, the gold chalice winners for the third quarter of 2021—including three wins for Afghanistan withdrawal-related candidates—are ready to take a collective bow. The envelopes, please…
July 8 None (July 4 holiday, so we'll give the win to America for its 245th birthday)
July 9 President Jimmy and First Lady Rosalynn Carter, for celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary
July 16 The Texas legislators who left the state to delay a voter suppression bill, and Black Caucus Chairwoman Joyce Beatty who got arrested as a protester for voting rights
July 23 House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, for booting insurrection supporters Jim Jordan and Jim Banks off the Jan. 6th commission
July 30 The police officers who gave riveting testimony on the Jan. 6 GOP terrorist attack: Sgt. Aquilino Gonell, Pfc. Harry Dunn, and Officers Michael Fanone and Daniel Hodges
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Aug 6 The "outbreak fighters," who are doing their damndest to suppress everything from the wild fires out west to the Covid Delta variant outbreak
Aug 13 Senate Democrats, for getting the $1 trillion-allocation infrastructure bill passed and laying the groundwork for the $3.5 trillion budget reconciliation bill
Aug 20 The enduring wisdom of Rep. Barbara Lee (D-CA), the only member of the House to vote against the authorization to invade Afghanistan in 2001
Aug 27 Everyone involved in the Afghanistan airlift, which whisked over 120,000 people to safety
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Sep 3 President Biden, for having the guts to end the endless war in Afghanistan
Sep 10 Team Biden-Harris: expands aid for states hit by Ida & tours damage; kicks Trump cultists off military boards; new vaccine mandates; 8 more noms for fed benches
Sep 17 California Governor Gavin Newsom, for his landslide victory in the dumb GOP recall election that wasted $300 million
Sep 24 Karma, as the Cyber Ninja audit of votes from Maricopa County, AZ backfires by revealing an even bigger Joe Biden victory there
Who will bring home the gold in the fourth quarter? As always, we’ll leave that up to you.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Climate scientists should pay more attention to Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool poop. Really.
—Benji Jones, Vox
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