• Rahm Emanuel uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.


• Rahm Emanuel can get Blackjack with just one card.


• Republicans created the automobile to escape from Rahm Emanuel...Not to be outdone, Rahm Emanuel created the automobile accident.


• When Rahm Emanuel was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Rahm Emanuel.


• Rahm Emanuel can sneeze with his eyes open.


• Rahm Emanuel got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Rahm Emanuel for every answer.


• Rahm Emanuel wears Orion's Belt around his pinky toe and he eats with the Big Dipper.


• Rahm Emanuel eats lightning and farts thunder.


• Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Rahm Emanuel is looking for it.


• Rahm Emanuel once played rugby by himself.  He went undefeated.


• On Valentine's Day, Rahm Emanuel gives his wife the still beating heart of a Republican.

I wish I could say I wrote these. I did not. Unfortunately I cannot remember who did. If you know, don't tell Rahm Emanuel.