In a stunning development on the conditions inside Iraq, the Bush administration today dismissed a cable received from the U.S. Embassy in Iraq as an "effort to disrupt the war effort:, likely waged by "Democrats who hate America"; they also blamed the "left wing media that hates America", and Islamic terrorists who "hate us for our freedoms".
President Bush commented on the cable after a fundraiser for "Riverside Young Republicans". That group is raising money for a new monument in Washington DC, which will depict Tom Delay, draped in Old Glory, being crucified on the Ten Commandments, while below him a married gay abortion rights advocate burns in hell, and while two donkeys, representing the democratic party, burn U.S. Flags in a contest to determine which one hates America the most. The monument is tentatively titled "Reflections on Hetero-Patriotism."
The President started by thanking the Young Republicans: "First, I'd like to say that I like what you're doin, with the, uh, statue of a, uh, a true patriot. You're fine young, uh, people, and it does my heart good ta see the spirit of America alive and well like this. This is America, and we need more. . . . . . . . . . . . . art, . . . . . Because art is important, you know? It helps to tell us if our children is learning or not."
Bush then addressed the cable: "I don't want to comment because I don't have all the facts. But I do know that sensitive information can be misinterpereed - misinterpruit - misunderstood. And that's why we need the facts? There are probably some in congress saying hey, we don't need the facts, but I disagree with the people who say that. And I'm a supporter of the freedom of the press, but I wonder about an organization that would print this stuff. Because Americans have ta remember that when people know about something bad, it makes it worse. But I didn't say stuff was bad in . . . . . . . Iraq! I knew it was Iraq. Look, the situation in Iraq is under control as they, uh, march towards occupation, I mean freedom. Now some say they see an inconsisis, an unconsitancs - some that think our policiy in Iraq don't add up. But its simple. The situation is so good that the Iraqis will govern themselves soon. Until then, we stay the course to victory. Despite what you hear about ground commanders still saying we need far more troops, the Secretary of Defense is in a far better position to make that judgment. He is the decider on that. Well, he decides, then I decide that I like what he decided, then I decide it too. Heh heh! So I'm still the supreme decider. What was the question?"
At this point, Mr. Bolton, the new Chief of Staff, announced there would be "no more questions", and led Mr. Bush away from the podium. An unknown microphone was still open as the two walked away, and Mr. Bush could be heard to say, "Did you hear that part about being the supreme decider? I liked that. Thought it up myself too. See, I said decider Texas style, that always gits em. Like, deCIder! Karl told me not to say DEcider, because then you sound like a hillbilly. But deCIder makes people think you're strong. Or howbout "Allied Supreme DeCIder?""
The usual press briefing held after President Bush's remarks, in which White House officials clarify what the President really meant, was cancelled. A note was pinned to the podium in the briefing room, stating that Tony Snow had had a "bad day" and had "gone home with a headache".