Want to do something for the Conservative Cause?
Are you one of those people who believes that being gay is a choice, a product of poor parenting?
CHRIS MATTHEWS: You don`t think it`s nature? You think it`s nurture.
JERRY FALWELL: I don`t think any--I don`t think anybody is born a bank robber or born a hostile left-winger or a hostile right-winger or gay or a promiscuous heterosexual. I think there comes a time in childhood where environment may be a part of it, whatever, teaching, instruction, one chooses, I will do this or that. And that`s why good, godly parenting...
Source: MSNBC Hardball - December 2, 2004
"GOOD, GODLY PARENTING"
Now, this is just the beginnings of a theory, and I'll be the first to admit that I don't have a lot of boring studies to back me up yet, but hear me out.
What is the biggest problem facing Conservatives today? Gay people, right? Now, where do all those gay men and lesbians come from?
My thesis, after the break...
I have two Conservative parents. Yep, they love Bush. They love Fox News. They hated Clinton. You heard it here. I'm now out of the closet on this shameful fact.
Well, my Conservative parents contributed to the problem, you see. They parented one of those homosexuals. In fact, twice.
So, let's see what Good Godly Parenting by Conservatives can accomplish:
Vice President & Mrs. Dick Cheney parented a lesbian daughter, Mary Cheney.
Mr. or Mrs. Parents of Newt Gingrich (okay, I'm too lazy to do the research) parented a lesbian daughter, Candace Gingrich. Being a half-sister to ol' Newt (still love that name!) she only shares half the genes with him, so is that a point for the genetic debater or the parenting debater?
Ambassador & Mrs. Alan Keyes parented a lesbian daughter, Maya Marcel-Keyes. Okay, maybe he was REAL busy running for President, then having to move to another state to run for Senate to save us from Barack Obama. Maybe Mrs. Keyes is the culprit here.
Mrs. & Mr. Phyllis Schlafly (being anti-ERA, she'll love that) - parented a gay son, John Schlafly.
Mr. & Mrs. Randall Terry parented a gay son, Jamiel Terry. Okay, he WAS adopted, does that count?
Mr. & Mrs. William "Pete" Knight parented a gay son, David Knight He even got "married" during California's brief flirt with same-sex marriage, despite his father having been one of the state's leading opponents.
Dr. & Mrs. Charles Socarides parented a gay son, Richard Socarides. Now, this must have been a real slap in the face to the man who founded NARTH and was renowned as an anti-gay psychiatrist. To add insult to injury, Richard became liaison to the gay community under Bill Clinton's White House.
Ready for my proposal?
Ban marriage for Conservatives, and Good God!, don't let them get their hands on any children!
