Currently, the Pentagon says that it is 2 million acres short of the space that it needs for military training. According to the Army, that shortage will rise to 5 million acres by 2011.
No, really. I'm not makin' this up.
In September, Sen. Wayne Allard (R-Colo.) told his fellow Congressmen that "the Army believes it has a current deficit of 2 million acres needed for training, a figure expected to grow by 2011 to 5 million acres." Five million acres is comprable to 7,812 square miles -- an area about the size of New Jersey.
OK, well, it's not really the Army. It's Senator Wayne Allard of Colorado.
For those who want RawStory
For those who want WashingtonPost
[Just a side note, but there's an awful lot of IDENTICAL COPY in these two stories by different writers, one posted a day before the other.]
Now apparently, both of these stories grew out of the US government's plans to screw the kind of folks that Republicans like to think of as "rugged individuals." You know who I mean. They're outdoorsy. They probably agree with that whole "pull yerself up by yer bootstraps" idea. They focus-tested well for the phrase "the president's ridin' tall in the saddle these days!."
They have ranches out in Colorado. And the Army wants that land. To play war games. And apparently, some slick corporate suits want in on the deal, too.
The U.S. Army wants 418,000 acres of private ranch land to triple the size of its Piñon Canyon Maneuver Site, a training area considered suitable -- some would say essential -- for preparing American warriors to do battle in the Middle East and Afghanistan. The 1,000-square-mile facility would be 15 times the size of the District.
Well, come ON now! We apparently have a misunderstanding here! 418,000 acres? That's not 2 million acres! Or 5 million acres! We're in a WAR people! And if Senator Allard says the need for suitable training space is going to climb to 5 million acres in three years, well I think we better listen up!
As the story says, 5 million acres is roughly the size of New Jersey. So here's what I propose. Leave those poor cowpunches alone! Let 'em have that scenic view without having to listen to 30,000 lb bombs being tested, or whatever they need to stop those guys in caves!
Instead, Let's just evacuate New Jersey! We need the space anyway, and right away! We'll let the Army appoint the Senators from that state. Maybe Senator Allard can get the gig. Just think how realistic it will be to conduct guerrilla warfare exercises there! With real infrastructure!
You'll always have two reliable votes in the Senate for more military spending! GUARANTEED! And we won't have to worry about cleaning up the pollution anymore! We're just gonna fuck it up even more, so why bother?
Wow! We could have REAL terrorist attack drills! And right across from New York! We could light up the sky like the Fourth of July every week!
Since most of the budget is being shifted to the military these days, it won't be long till other states are just CLAMORING for the economic investment!
The only problem I see, is that we'll have to put everyone from New Jersey, and subsequent states, somewhere else. Well, hell! Let 'em go get a ranch and pull theselves up by their bootstraps. This is America! The Land of Opportunity!