Dear President Bush,
I'm writing to express my deep appreciation for the Economic Stimulus Check I received today.
I know you take government frugality very seriously, so you obviously believe deeply in the stimulative value of this program. I thought the least I could do in return was to let you know how I am doing my part to provide the stimulus this country so desperately needs.
First, I am going to help stimulate the economy of Austin TX by spending four nights downtown at the Marriott Residence Inn. In addition, I will throw some vital support to some fine local businesses like The Ginger Man.
Second, I have registered to attend Netroots Nation. You may not have heard of it (being that you're so busy deciderin' and such) but I know that you understand the crucial importance of citizens' participation in a democracy.
Now, I realize this doesn't provide as immediate an economic stimulus as, say, going shopping after a major terrorist attack. But by contributing to the effort to evict your morally bankrupt coterie from the top of the Executive Branch, I believe that in the long run the stimulative effect will be quite profound.
Third, I have made a contribution to the efforts of Netroots for the Troops. Now, I know that a busy War President like you can't keep up with every minor item the soldiers need, like clean socks, or body armor. So the way I see it, this bit of stimulus really just represents the tax dollars your administration should have already taken from me (and others in middle to upper income brackets) to see to it that the troops lacked for nothing.
Fourth, I contributed to OrangeCloud115's effort to support Austin's Sustainable Food Center. Because supporting your local food producers is important in its own right, and eventually the one/two whammy of soaring fuel prices and agricultural disruptions driven by climate change may make non-local food options really problematical.
Fifth, I have contributed to the senate campaign of Andrew Rice. We've already established your committment to a politically engaged citizenry, so I know you'll be delighted by this news. It's a long shot, I know, but the huge payoff for successfully tossing Jim Inhofe out of the senate makes this a stimulative gamble well worth taking.
Sixth, of course, is a contribution to Barack Obama. You can just feel the stimulation, right George? I know you can.
Well, I guess I should sign off now. I know you like to turn in early, and my hastily written letter won't have nearly the compelling narrative quality of The Pet Goat. But I know I feel thoroughly stimulated, and I hope you do too. I wish I could stimulate you all the way to a comfy cell at The Hague. But I'll settle for the more modest goal of contributing, in just a small way, to halting the country's slide into an extra-constitutional morass.
Sweet nightmares,
Okie