Eureka- I've finally found the cultural jello that binds abortion, education, torture, religion, civil liberties and law. It's mom.
You see, in this culture we treat woman as though they have a permanent web of electrical cords running between them and everyone with whom they have a relationship. These cords work only one direction- to zap her with blame for other's actions. For some reason we can't see her as a Credible INDIVIDUAL.
Bear with me, folks- I'm a scientist and I'll back up my claims.
Let's start with this torture trial. Several commentators noted that the mom claimed her son was following orders. Few had trouble saying he should be held responsible for his own actions anyway, since he is an adult. Yet at the same time there were posts full of vitriol towards mom- saying she created this monster and is therefore responsible. This makes no sense. Once you are an adult you make your own choices. Even if there was abuse, every person has to make a choice about their core values and actions. That's what growing up is.
What's next? Let's pull education out of the pile. The schools seems to me to be one remaining place where the old rule of a woman's testimony is worth half of a man's. I've been to school conferences where my input is disregarded as "being too close, too momlike" to be objective, despite the research and psych reports backing me up. Yet my husband walks into the room and the atmosphere changes. He is seen as operating without the web.
How about parenting? I can vouch for the fact that children may choose not to follow their parents' values. In our family of five children we have 1 jailbird. His choices in no way reflect upon my parents. We like to think of mothers as omnipotent, but I can't even get mine to use silverware regularly! So while it can be a relief to take apart a mom for her kid's behavior, try to think of that kid as having some personal responsibility. It doesn't just appear at 18.
Much of the abortion debate occurs because half of the nation can't envision women having the right to be individuals.
Religion is a biggie. In my experience women's role in religion is to support someone else- she has no worth on her own. She's either giving birth to a god or serving him pancakes at the fundraiser.
I throw psychology in here as well- how many books about blaming mom do we need? She's an enabler, an abuser, selfish or overbearing. She caused autism by withdrawing or made him a pansy by overwatchfulness. Man, the current in those cords could electrify Denver.
So, if as a society we are going to espouse the ideals of individual promise and culpability, we have got to cut those cords. No one should be held responsible for actions they don't do. So take a look at the women in your lives as real people, doing the best they can- not mythological nurturers who control all. Being an individual is hard enough.
Peace.
