As some of you know I’ve been battling medical issues for a bit now. I’ve been asked to provide an update an the unique perspective I guess I bring so this diary is that update. I’ve been diagnosed with dementia due to lupus, an auto-immune disease that I was diagnosed with in 2006. Below I will discuss dementia, what it is, my personal experiences, and the like. If you do not like personal diaries or stories then this diary is probably not for you.
More after the break.
Many people confuse Dementia with conditions that have dementia as aspects of it, such as Alzheimer’s. Although Alzheimer’s Disease (AD) is the most commonly occurring disease that manifests dementia it is not the only one. So what is dementia? Well, let me turn to the professionals..
Dementia is a word for a group of symptoms caused by disorders that affect the brain. It is not a specific disease. People with dementia may not be able to think well enough to do normal activities, such as getting dressed or eating. They may lose their ability to solve problems or control their emotions. Their personalities may change. They may become agitated or see things that are not there.
Memory loss is a common symptom of dementia. However, memory loss by itself does not mean you have dementia. People with dementia have serious problems with two or more brain functions, such as memory and language.
Many different diseases can cause dementia, including Alzheimer's disease and stroke. Drugs are available to treat some of these diseases. While these drugs cannot cure dementia or repair brain damage, they may improve symptoms or slow down the disease
- National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke
Dementia gets worse over time, so I will not get better. As a psychologist often times I wish I was ignorant of this, as I wish I was ignorant of many things about the brain and what was going on but unfortunately I am not, at least not yet.
Most people with dementia are over the age of 65. In fact, about 90 percent of people with dementia are over the age of 65. It is rare for people under the age of 65 to get dementia but there is evidence that the incidence rate is increasing. We face many unique needs as often we still are working, many still have children, still are earning money, etc. My situation is different, of course.
I have the second most common cause of dementia, vascular dementia, which accounts for about 17 percent of dementia cases. Vascular dementia is due to impaired oxygen to different parts of the brain. Most of the problems I have are in the parietal lobes at the moment, though I do have difficulties in other areas. My problems focus in on:
- The ability to learn new information. I’ve no problem at all with long term memories and long term learning. Stuff I knew from long ago, from my Ph.D. days I have no problems with. Want me to learn something new? Forget about it.
- Spatial learning. I have great problems detecting what comes next in patterns, even finding patterns.
- Short term memory in general – if you give me a list of stuff to memorize I can only get a few parts of it. If most people are given a list they can keep looking/studying the list and over time and multiple looks at the list learn more and more. I only seem to learn as much as I am going to get after two or three times. Whatever I get after these times is it, I cannot learn any more.
- Eating and medication taking and other day to day living stuff has been impacted: I know I "need" to eat, take my meds and stuff, I want to, I can set alarms to do so, but...I just don’t. Why? Clark Hull would say "my drive" is gone, I would say "I do not have the initiation" ....it is not that I lack motivation...I know I need to do so, I am motivated to do it, I just.....ugh, I just do not do it.
Also paranoia sucks.
I know no one is there to come after me, I can dismiss the fact that someone is there, I rationalize it away, but at the same time the affective and the physiological aspects are still there....it is not fun.
Add in the fact that I know this is not going to get better, only worse, and I know what is going on, as a psychologist, I also conduct little experiments using myself sort of in the third person in a way, it is hard to explain, but ....for example, food does not taste good anymore. It does not taste bad, but it does not taste that good. I cannot often delineate food. So I will set up different experiments. I will say, "Hmmm, I wonder if I can delineate Asian from Mexican spices like I used to" and develop studies, using myself as a single subject research study, and eliminate confounders as much as I can.
It is odd, surreal, and sucks but it is how I can keep my sanity.
The very odd thing is, my work life has not at all suffered and it is the one thing that is keeping me sane. I can discuss psychology, health and behavior. I can do my job and do it well. I can talk about what we all talk about here and do so well, I think? But then I cannot do what I need to do to live and function day to day. That is why I talked about what I did earlier in the pootie diary, I will finish by cutting and pasting that update here.
Before I do, though, I want to thank everyone here for caring, and for their compassion since I would not keep going nor be here, without yall.
As a result they, the doctors and the rest need me/want me to get back ASAP to MI, as they all put it, it is not safe for me to live alone, as I am now. The problem is, although I am up to date on my condo payment, if I sell it now I could make about 130 K on it. The problem is, I owe about 188 on it. So the brother in law and others are working with lawyers and the others to see what to do about it.
The last time, before the condition got bad, I rushed and ran to my brothers, which was bad news. This time everyone is taking their time doing things with percision and the like, making sure everything is done as it should. The problem is, it is taking time and there is no way of knowing when/how long it will take. I am no longer able to, nor am, involved in the day to day process of 'decision making' of what is going on.
It is a two part process. The first is in getting rid of the place here and then once that is done, be it short sale, or foreclosure, or whatever, working with the banks in the hope they will forgive the debt, then finding a place in MI, more then likely assisted living (if they do, since I can and will continue to work and make a good income and can afford it.). If not, if my banks do not work with me and I have to do the foreclosure route, then it will impact what options I have in MI and so in any event once the lawyers here decide what options I have/should do, then based on that, the Detroit decision can be made about what to do, and other people (my sis, Jewish family services, etc., are then kicking in to find a place for me to live).
The first part is going on now, and I hope it should be done within a week or two, but of course I have no Earthly idea. The second part, who knows how long it could take. A few days? A few weeks? No idea. So everything is up in the air.
Me again, so.... That’s what is going on. I hope to have more order in my life soon. But...time will tell.
