Evidently, the Angle campaign for Senate is now sending unsolicited donation pleas to out-of-state addresses. I know, because I live in Atlanta (which, for the geographically-challenged, is located a few miles outside Nevada's borders), and last week I received the fund-raising letter quoted below. As you can see from my response, their effort may not quite have achieved the result they had in mind.
I've tried to duplicate the annoying emphasis marks as best I can, but the letter uses a lot of the fake-pen emphasis markup that I suppose is intended to make it look "personal". For this reproduction, I've replaced the pen-marking with italics.
The letter I received:
Dear [...],
If you're the Republican I've been told you are, then I need you to find your checkbook right now.
Because I am the official Republican nominee to defeat Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid...
...And I need your immediate financial support!
I need an emergency donation from you, [...], for $25, $35, $50, $75, $100, $250, $1,000, or $2,400.
As the Republican Party's choice to defeat Reid, I'm counting on party activists from across the country to help me win this vital race.
Reid has nearly $10 million in the bank. He's been waiting until I secured the nomination to go on the attack.
And now that I have the nomination, Reid is unloading everything he has on me in an effort to smear my good name.
We can't let him succeed!
[...], the importance of this race cannot be overstated.
Not only is this the #1 race in America this year, it is nothing less than a referendum on the far left policies of Barack Obama and Harry Reid...
...the $787 billion "stimulus," the TARP bailout of the big banks, the government takeover of healthcare, trillion dollar deficits, the growing national debt...
...As Majority Leader Reid singlehandedly shoved each of these government-growing policies through the Senate.
Obama and Reid are joined at the hip in forcing this radical expansion of government.
Defeating Reid would be a knockdown blow to Obama. It's a blow I can -- and will -- deliver!
But I need your help immediately.
Please take out your checkbook and write a check to "Friends of Sharron Angle" for at least $25 right now.
I'm really hoping you can give more -- $35, $50, $75, $100, $250, $500, $1,000, or $2,400.
Harry Reid has said that he needs $25 million from liberal special interest donors to keep his seat.
What I need are 1 million patriotic Americans who love this great country enough to give $25 to give Harry Reid the boot.
I pray that you are one of them.
I hope that you agree that stopping Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is Republicans' #1 priority right now.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, would be a bigger blow to Obama's agenda than for me to defeat Harry Reid.
Write your check today for $2,400, $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $75, $50, $35, or even $25 right now and rush it back to "Friends of Sharron Angle." Thank you!
Sincerely,
Sharron Angle
Republican for U.S. Senate
P.S. Harry Reid is responsible for getting Obama's agenda through the Senate. Defeating Reid will spell doom for Obama's agenda!
Rush me your crucial donation of $25, $35, $50, $75, $100, $250, $500, $1,000, or even $2,400.
My response:
Dear Ms. Angle:
Thank you for taking the time out of your busy campaign schedule to write me such an eye-opening letter, punctuated with such convincing-looking fake-pen-written emphasis marks. I was particularly impressed by the "handwritten" yellow-sticky-note message attached in the upper-right-hand corner. It’s always nice to see candidates for high office going the extra mile when they plead for handouts from people hundreds of miles away whom they have never met.
Also, I must admit that it was quite illuminating for me to discover that out-of-state donors to political campaigns in Nevada are "patriotic Americans who love this great country". It was especially revelatory given that, a mere sentence before, I had discovered that out-of-state donors to political campaigns in Nevada are "liberal special interests". I suppose that the logical conclusion would be that the Angle campaign for Senate believes "liberal special interests" and "patriotic Americans who love this great country" to be one and the same, to which I say: I couldn’t agree more.
I do have some bad news for you, as well as some good news. The bad news is that I’m afraid your researchers erred – I am, in fact, not "the Republican you’ve been told I am". I am, in fact, a strong supporter of President Obama, and would see him have the continued support of Congress in restoring America and righting injustice following the disastrous tenure of his predecessor. Therefore, I regret to inform you that I will not be supporting your campaign.
All is not lost, however; the good news is that your letter has reminded me of the special importance your electoral race has to the causes of recovery and progress in this country. As you so modestly put it, "nothing would be a bigger blow to Obama’s agenda than for me to defeat Harry Reid."
The truth is that I don’t particularly care for Mr. Reid as Democratic leader in the Senate – I feel that he has been less effective than I would expect of a leader commanding the majority he wields. However, your letter has inspired me to make a donation to Senator Reid’s campaign – if only to help withhold power from a prospective Senator who would "deliver a knockdown blow to Obama".
Please find enclosed a copy of the thank-you letter from Senator Reid’s campaign. As a patriotic American, I’m sure that you will feel immense gratitude that your outreach to me has thus benefitted the democratic process in this country.
Lastly, if you would be so kind as to remove me from your mailing list, it would be deeply appreciated.
The hardest part was creatively folding the letter to make it fit in the donation reply envelope.
I did make a donation to Senator Reid, in fact -- and as I suggested in my response, I probably would not have chosen to do so had Ms. Angle not been so good as to convince me. The thank-you letter from the Reid campaign which I enclosed with my response to Ms. Angle:
Dear [...],
Thank you for your generous contribution of $50.00.
With your support, I will build a strong re-election campaign and continue fighting for the values we share - energy independence, affordable health care and strengthening our economy.
Thanks again,
-Harry
So: as irritated as I was to have received this letter from the Angle campaign in the first place, I have to say that all-in-all this was worth $50 and a stamp.
In all seriousness, Senator Reid: best of luck, and please use my donation wisely.
EDIT (2010.10.04, 8:39 EDT)
Wow, rec-list; had not expected to make it there. Thank you all, and a big thanks to my "co-author" from Nevada... glad we were able to amuse.
Since my own fund-raising plea on behalf of Russ Feingold appears to be receding into the comments below (I had originally planned to make it the "tip jar", but it looks like you get a no-text "tip jar" comment automatically), here it is again:
If you happen to have a few dollars which you could send to Russ Feingold's campaign, please consider doing so. Senator Feingold has been standing with progressives for a long time, including, as I mentioned in my comment, during some of our darkest hours during the Bush administration. It would be a sad day in this country if he were to lose his seat. Here is his campaign website:
http://russfeingold.org/
Thanks again!