Can you write without using forms of the verb, to be? That is, without using the words am, is, are, was, were, be, been, or being?
I can. Well, sometimes I can, when I deliberately try. And around here, sometimes I do. But why would I want to?
Surprisingly, perhaps, because it works. Because I find it useful as a way to express my views even though I expect my views to encounter some unkind reactions. Because it works as a way to express my values and to fly them under the radar when online conversations seem headed toward heated escalation.
If that sounds useful to you, too, please read on...
This Is a Vase, and Jane Is a Jerk
You might recognize the image to the left as a well-known "optical illusion". Suppose I write:
That is a vase.
A lot of people see faces in that image instead of a vase. Actually, it seems likely that most of us can
switch our attention to perceive both the vase and the faces, if we want to. But how often do we write simple declarations about ambiguous perceptions? How often do we discover readers — and
commenters — react badly to those simple declarations?
How often do those unexpected strong reactions distract us from productive conversation?
When I read (or hear) statements such as, "This is a vase.", or "Jane is a jerk!", I sometimes wonder if the writer or speaker has been elected Spokesperson for the Universe. And that strikes me as odd because I thought that was my job because so many of us seem to perceive the universe so differently that a single spokesperson's perspective seems incomplete to me.
I find it difficult to read those sorts of sentences without thinking, "Hey, wait a minute. What about ... ?"
I think, hey, wait, that's not a vase. I see faces. Hey, wait, Jane is my friend. Or, Jane is my wife. Or ... Jane is me! Those declarations on behalf of the universe often look unequivocal, even though they often don't represent my own experience in the same universe.
That's a problem. That annoys me. I notice it seems to annoy other people as well. How many of the threads exiled to hidden comments take the form:
That thing is a vase.
No, those are faces.
Vase!
Faces!
F U!
HR!
Choosing words to construct conscious conversations
Words matter. Words matter because words create consequences. Editing out the assertions involving
to be forces me to rethink my own perspective and to rethink my communication goals. I find it makes me more conscious of my participation in conversations and thus more conscious of the
consequences of my word choices.
But many of us were taught to rely on to be as a default utility verb. What do we use instead? And doesn't the phrase "were taught" violate the rule guideline suggestion?
Although some advocates of this language technique might balk at "were taught", I routinely use the be words as helping verbs. As long as other verbs do the heavy lifting, the be verbs can be used safely as helping verbs. (Usually.)
Some other constructions I find useful include:
- I find
- I see
- I prefer
- It seems
- It's been my experience
- It appears as if
- When Jane says ... it annoys me because ...
Setting expectations, a.k.a. Disclaimer: No silver bullets here
I don't claim special expertise. I've used this technique occasionally for years. I find it useful. I offer it here because I like to share the things I've found useful.
I find this technique helps me to anticipate the consequences of my word choices. Sometimes that helps me to express disagreement while preventing or minimizing the sorts of conflicts that undermine productive conversation. That doesn't mean this technique prevents every conflict every time.
I've seen this technique used to de-escalate exchanges as rhetoric heats up. But that doesn't always work.
To summarize this disclaimer: No guarantee expressed or implied. Your mileage may vary. Mostly harmless. Usually safe when used by consenting adults.
Looking Ahead: Future Topics, Tools, or Techniques
I've accumulated a small toolbox of language tools that I use when participating in online conversations at places like Daily Kos. I'd like to contribute more of these in future diaries. Some ideas I have in mind include other aspects of word frames, speech acts, nonviolent communication, text as two-step telepathy, three part assertions, mental models, climbing the ladder of inference (and falling off), Bohm's concept of dialogue, and the social functions of hide-rating.
I have no particular schedule in mind. Readers who find this stuff intriguing may wish to follow Dialog Workshop so that future installments will appear in your personal Daily Kos page.
Care to try it out?
This is good/great/amusing/awesome, isn't it? Thanks for reading.
I'd like to invite readers to try out this technique in comments. What do you think about this idea? Can you express your reaction without using be verbs?
Thanks for your interest. Cheers
