Video and transcript below the fold.
Of course, this panda-cide is just the latest act of heroism by SEAL Team 6. Two weeks ago, they got bin Laden, and we are still reaping the benefits. For one thing, we found his porn stash. It is some rough stuff. I mean, we're talking full frontal ankle. Of course, now we can warn teenage boys, if they look at Playboy, a Navy SEAL will shoot them in the eye. But best of all, folks, this act of closure opens an old wound.
CBS (5/9/2011): The death of Osama bin Laden rekindled an old debate over enhanced interrogation, what some have called torture.
CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR (5/8/2011): This week's events have reignited this heated debate.
FOX NEWS (5/7/2011): That news also reigniting the media debate over waterboarding.
Yes. The debate over waterboarding has been rekindled, and reignited. Which begs the question, didn't we try fireboarding? But folks, there is one way to end this torture debate, and it's the subject of tonight's Wørd: Enhanced Rejustification
Nation, the torture debate seemed over. In the last presidential election, Obama was against waterboarding, and McCain was against all forms of enhanced interrogation. (Especially By Katie Couric)
But then, of course, we got bin Laden. Now some credited Obama, some credited Bush, but the real hero was an elite team made up of a dishrag and a water bucket. Jim?
GLENN BECK (5/5/2011): It was the waterboarding of the hairy bad guy that provided the intel that led to UBL's doorstep.
REP. PETER KING, R-NY (5/2/2011): We obtained that information through waterboarding.
DICK CHENEY (5/8/2011): The enhanced interrogation program played a role. That is to say that some of the early leads came out of that program.
JOHN YOO (5/7/2011): Without the enhanced interrogation ... we never would have found where bin Laden was hiding.
BRENT BOZELL (5/6/2011): You know what? It is because of waterboarding that Osama bin Laden is dead, and everybody knows it. ... Hip hip hooray for George Bush.
Yes! Three cheers for George Bush! (audience boos) Unless you're in a gag stress position, in which case, try three grunts. (Hip, Hip Dislocation) Folks, it went down like this. Here's how the whole thing played out. We waterboarded Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, obviously after this picture was taken, because he clearly hadn't touched water for some time. (Or Even Rug Shampoo) Now, at some point, KSM gave up the nickname of one of bin Laden's couriers. We followed that courier, and that's how we nailed bin Laden, therefore validating torture.
But the "I want to be able to look my children in the eye" crowd refuse to admit torture is the real hero here.
ADM. DENNIS BLAIR (1/26/2009): Torture is not moral, not legal, not effective...
SEN. JOHN MCCAIN (5/12/2011): It was not torture or cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment of detainees that got us the major leads that ultimately enabled our intelligence community to find Osama bin Laden.
SEN. MARK UDALL, D-CO (5/4/2011): All of our experience shows that you generate better information, more accurate information, when you treat prisoners humanely, when you befriend them, when you connect with them.
CHRIS HEDGES (5/5/2011): Probably the most tortured detainee, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who was waterboarded ... 180 times, did not divulge the name of this courier.
So he didn't give the name during waterboarding. But he did eventually. We were just loosening the jar, you know, by holding it under running water. (Or Sending The Jar To Syria) The point is, we need a definitive statement that waterboarding led us to bin Laden. How about the guy who ordered it? Rumsfeld, help us out.
DONALD RUMSFELD, TO NEWSMAX.TV (5/4/2011): Some information that came from normal interrogation approaches in Guantanamo did lead to information that was beneficial in this instance. But it was not harsh treatment, and it was not waterboarding.
DONALD RUMSFELD, TO FOX NEWS (5/4/2011): Anyone who suggests that the enhanced techniques, let's be blunt, waterboarding, did not produce an enormous amount of valuable intelligence just isn't facing the truth.
Now, when he says, "let's be blunt", is he referring to what he was smoking to be able to say both of those things in the same week? Now unfortunately, folks, even Rumsfeld doesn't settle anything. And the only way torturers can be justified is if we know that they saved lives. (The Ends Justify The Meanies)
But if there is no indisputable evidence that torture saves lives, there's only one thing a civilized nation can do: torture more. We have got to keep torturing until there is one clear case where everyone says that torturing saved lives. (Or At Least Says It Under Torture) Then, and only then, will our actions be justified. So, who do we torture next? (Trump's Free After Apprentice Finale)
Now, it could be terrorists, but what are they going to tell us? Where bin Laden is? The only ones who know that are the fish, and waterboarding won't help. (Try Butter-And-Lemon-Boarding)
But folks, if you think about it, you know what kills more Americans than terrorists? (Taco Salads) Drunk drivers. Every year, drunk drivers kill 37,000 people. That's almost 13 9/11s. I say that justifies cops administering something a little stronger than a breathalyzer. ("License & Respiration, Please")
And it's not just the drivers, pedestrians shouldn't get off scot free either. The U.S. had over 4,000 pedestrian deaths last year. So let's torture jaywalkers. (Leno Already Does)
And of course, the #1 killer of Americans is heart disease, one death every 34 seconds. So let's torture our fast food workers. (By Letting Them Keep Their Jobs) I mean, it would be easy. The hot oil's right there, the interrogation is not only enhanced, it's super-sized. (Give Them A "Zappy Meal")
The point is, We know there is no going back. We have already tortured people. You cannot un-ring that bell. (Or Un-Wring Those Balls) And the knowledge that we have already tortured people could be the death of America's moral leadership. So to save that, we must do whatever it takes to justify what we've already done. (Enhanced Rejustification) And that's the Wørd. We'll be right back.
