I woke this morning to find that an anonymous benefactor had given me, with a short note (more on that in a bit) a lifetime gift subscription. Since I am a student at the moment and own one pair of pants, four pairs of socks, a barely running Ford Escort and one Windows tablet (more than many folks), this was something entirely beyond my reach, in terms of money. And I think the most important thank you should be first. Not just thanks for making my ads go away, or the thoughtfulness, or any of those things (though they all count). Thank you for supporting this site, and associating me with that support. It has meant a lot to me -- more than my snarky 'tude allows -- and you did something that I, at the moment, can't manage. And that -- all by itself -- simply rocks.
As I've said before and will again, I love Dion Fortune's definition of magic, which I read as a very young and earnest scientifically minded materialist, encountering Starhawk and reading with a raised eyebrow. Magic is change in conciousness in a accordance with will. And a gift like this...is a kind of magic. I will never look at my contribution here (or, alas, the sometime lack) in the same way. Whatever my failings as a commenter and diarist, someone thought I was worth the trouble -- right here! -- to do something so nice.
It puts a different perspective on community. Sure, this is a place I hang out, and chit chat, and snark a little. Once in awhile a diary just has to be written, planted and watered and trimmed obsessively until its worth showing off. But mostly I'm all too mindful of the genuinely heroic folks on here -- the people who write TC every damn night, like it or not, with huge lists of things to format and manage (and a diary to write above it!) -- the rescue rangers(whoops, I mean, community spotlight), who actually read all our stuff and find the gems -- Denise and the Black Kos team. People who do the daily volunteer work that keeps the wheels turning, that insures good content and a place worth clicking into.
My profile description, for ages now, has said "an intermittent participant at best". Heh. My benefactor wrote "hope this makes you a less intermittent participant", which (after I'd quickly gone to my profile and updated it!) is something I've been thinking about all day. Perhaps a place where someone lays down treasure to say that you're valued is just the same as it was before. But...change in conciousness in accodance with will. Magic. It isn't the same. Its different, in ways I don't entirely know yet.
There are limits to my own powers, as it were. I will still suffer from crippling depression (something I haven't talked about on here). I will still have 60 hour school weeks (or 80 hour work weeks, when that is a wrap). And yes, I will still only have four pairs of socks. But I will also be attentive to the fact that DK is far more than a soapbox, or essay group, or -- per my sig line -- something we do to avoid being alone and still in a room. This is community.
And thank you.